One year later.

[Madd_hatter]

So it’s been a year. I wanted to open a new thread which focused more on my progress than it did on him.

 

I still have bad days. Like yesterday, I actually cried over him for the first time in a long time. I missed him, nothing triggered it either. It just happened. But it didn’t last. And it was the paralyzing over dramatic pain that used to haunt me for weeks and months at a time. It still hurts, don’t get me wrong, but I could tell that I am getting better. Never thought I’d be this “okay”.

 

I saw a post on social media the other day that said “remember that thing you thought you couldn’t live without? Well look at you..living and *****” and I thought that was great lol very true.

 

Still single. I want to be ready to date but I still don’t feel like I am. I’m still not 100% over him. I still don’t think I could feel for any other guy like I feel/felt for Jason.

 

So yeah, good days and bad days. Bad days are few and far between which is good. Taking it one day at a time like you all told me and so far, it seems to be working

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Good update, MH! Imagine where you'll be next year this time .

[LoverOfDance]

Yayy, happy to hear your progress !

 

No, you will never feel for anyone what you felt for him but this isn't a bad thing. You will feel differently with every man you have anything significant with.

 

One day, if God is willing, you will meet a man that will make you feel much lighter than Jason ever did. You need someone who makes you feel light and not heavy.

 

 

Pray that God opens your heart so that you will be able to receive that man one day. You are doing great so far. Keep going strong.

[Beachead]

Hey MH,

 

Happy to hear from you. I think the greatest thing that's happening for you right now is realization of what time and NC does for your state of mind while dealing with heartbreak. It's slow but it works doesn't it? Like cautiously optimistic said, imagine where you'll be in a year.

 

Stay strong

 

- Beach

[Madd_hatter]

Thank you for all the inspiring posts. There were times when I almost gave up and times when I thought you guys were crazy lol but in the end you guys were right.

 

If I sit there and really think about the good times we had when we were younger, it still makes me really sad. That’s actaully what I was crying about the other day. Just old times, ya know? It’s hard to let go. Especially since life now is so much harder, it’s sad to think about our younger days and how the only problem we had was worrying about having fun. I miss those days and he was a very big part of the reason I do.

 

 

I haven’t been to church of any kind in months! I feel very disconnected spiritually and I don’t know how to get back. I feel like I need to go back but I don’t think I’m ready to see him on a weekly basis yet. Maybe a few more weeks/months.

 

I stopped therapy totally. I tried 2 different therapist and didn’t click with either of them. It’s probably an issue with me, I know it, but I couldn’t see wasting my time and money on something I felt wasn’t helping.

 

So yeah, doing better. Not perfect, but better for sure.

 

I get lonely. I want a boyfriend. At this point I just want a boyfriend. I think my standards aren’t very high anymore. I just want to feel like someone likes me.

[LoverOfDance]

I'm not sure if you're ready for a boyfriend but what do i know. You're the only one that knows if you're ready or not.

 

You also don't have to have a bf right now, you can just date casually and enjoy the company of different ppl.

 

I haven't been to church myself in months but i pray everyday. You don't have to go to church to feel spiritually connected. You have to build your own personal relationship with God. I am going to find a church soon and go as often as i can but to be honest, it is not about going to church. Being a christian is about building a solid relationship with God/Jesus Christ.

 

I honestly don't think you should go back to that church. Just keep living your life. Life isn't easy but it gets better. I don't know if you will meet Mr. Right but you can still be happy whether you meet him or not. I really hope you meet him though because you deserve Mr. Right. I think you might still have a few more frogs to meet in your lifetime but that's ok. You just need to start moving forward towards Mr. Right and towards YOUR FUTURE.

 

You need to keep looking foward. Going back to that church will signify looking back. Don't be afraid to let go of the past. You have to face your future and face the unknown. I promise you, there are better days ahead.

[Beachead]

Thank you for all the inspiring posts. There were times when I almost gave up and times when I thought you guys were crazy lol but in the end you guys were right.....

 

That's fine MH. I'm just glad you were able to realize that there is hope when you don't feel like there is and that hope doesn't always need to come in the form of finding love. It can also come from within you by just taking the right steps. By being strong for yourself.

 

Next time you get into a bind like that, you'll remember it, and you'll think "You know what? Things have gotten better before. They will again"

 

You're a far wiser, stronger person this year than last year. Those developments will pay dividends to your future.

 

- Beach

Edited July 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Happy Lemming]

I want a boyfriend.

 

I think this is a GREAT idea.

 

Life is short, your youth is even shorter. Isn't about time Madd_hatter had some fun!!

 

So go out to a local bar/pub and start meeting people!!

[Madd_hatter]

So this is totally out of nowhere. I met a guy! We texted for a couple weeks then he asked me out. We went on a real date. He was super nice. He’s actually saving himself for marriage which I thought was kinda cool. That is initially what I wanted to do. He told me that it’s not too late to retake that vow. So that’s what I did. No more sex until marriage. Whenever that might be. I feel very refreshed. He’s so uplifting, rather then dragging me down like you-know-who.

[JuneL]

That’s great news!! How did you guys meet?

[Madd_hatter]

I met him at the beach a few weeks ago. Problem is, he lives an hour drive away.

Edited July 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Madd_hatter]

A few of my girls and I went to the beach back in June. That’s where I met him. Let’s just call him Robb. Anywho, my friends told me he kept looking at me and I didn’t believe it because he was so hot. So I looked at him and sure enough he was looking. We both smiled then he walked over. We talked for the rest of the day and exchanged numbers. We’ve been talking ever since.

[JuneL]

That’s a cute story See, you get your share of attention from cute guys

 

Actually an hour away might be a positive. Didn’t you mention many times you live in a small community with lots of gossips? We’ve been encouraging you to move away anyway. If this works out, you can move closer to him.

Edited July 8, 2019 by JuneL

[Happy Lemming]

That’s great news!!

 

I'd also like to chime in with a "thumbs up". Way to go!!

[preraph]

Believe me, you can get over this guy and feel as much or more for another person. The thing you have to remember is that each guy is different and each love is different. With any luck, you won't get in the same situation with a different guy and your love will be reciprocated or at least have a different set of values set to it.

 

I was obsessed with a guy for three years (I didn't know for another 10 that the problem was he had ED). He hung around all the time and yet wouldn't have sex with me, wouldn't make me his gf. Only had a couple of desperate talks with him about it and he would basically just lie instead of telling the truth (ED). Anyway, I just had to make myself move on from him, impossible because he would never quite leave. I'd think he was gone and then a couple or three weeks later, he'd be back at my apartment (no phone) hanging around like nothing changed. He had me convinced I just manufactured this whole relationship and I had to convince myself of that, which did me some longterm mental harm, I can assure you. Because it wasn't true and took years to know that.

 

But the encouraging part of this story is that I met another guy. Not a perfect scenario. First meeting (just out at a convention) he was married. Next time I ran into him he told me they separated, and we began dating. So not a perfect scenario. He and I had enough in common. We were on the same career path and shared a favorite band.

 

I fell in love/lust right away. It was like flipping a switch. And suddenly, I was saying the same thing my friends had been saying about the other guy all along, which is I wondered why I ever got so hung up on him.

 

From then on, I was able to be "just friends" with the other guy without hurting, and the new guy didn't mind because I told him the story. Though the old guy was still making himself at home even when I had the new guy coming over. Sigh. I guess I'll never really know if he was hurt or just relieved.

 

Thing is, obsession isn't healthy. I had it; you have it. It makes us waste our youth. It's got something to do with low self-esteem, but I also just think it has a life of its own for some people, a personality disorder. If I could go back to my 25 year old self, I'd find some way to convey to myself just not to waste time on unbalanced relationships. They're too painful. And that's my advice to you. Even when your emotions are pulling you in, try to keep a rational thought and perspective and rein yourself in when conditions aren't right.

 

Meanwhile, glad you met a new guy. He sounds fun. Good luck.

[Madd_hatter]

It’s 4:30am where I am. I’m wide awake and I can’t stop crying because I hate the way my life is. I hate telling myself I don’t need him when I do, I so clearly do. I tried distracting myself but I can’t stop thinking of him. I feel so sick to my stomach, not sure if that’s because of him or the fact that I’ve had wayyyyy to much to drink.

 

I’m just hoping someone is awake.. anywhere. I feel so alone.

 

I miss you and I love you so much. I haven’t been happy without you. Please come back. I need to see your face. I need to hear your voice. One hug. One kiss. Please Jason I’m going crazy. I miss you I love you.

[Madd_hatter]

I’m tired of feeling this way. I wish I was asleep. My head is spinning. I can’t get your face out of my head. I keep thinking of you in bed with her. I know I shouldn’t, I’m only torturing myself, but I can’t stop. I’m so insanely jealous of her. I could scream.

[lana-banana]

It's okay, MH. You've had too much to drink. You aren't alone, you haven't lost all the progress you've made, you've just ingested a massive quantity of toxic depressants with side effects including nostalgia and despair. You'll be all right---this too shall pass.

 

Count your breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for two, and exhale for four. Repeat until you feel more in control. Drink water (lots of it) and think about what you'll do for lunch or brunch. And remember, you'll be okay. One day at a time, like you said earlier in this thread.

Edited July 27, 2019 by lana-banana

[Beachead]

Sorry for your rough night MH. The combination of alcohol and being up late at night can trigger.

 

I've had these moments myself. It's terrible. But just because you felt that way last night, doesn't mean you're going to feel that way in a week..or a month. It doesn't imply forever. It's just a setback and setbacks happen. I think you've learned that about yourself in your healing since you've been progressively getting better. Draw from that wisdom, give it a week and you'll be alright.

Edited July 27, 2019 by Beachead

[FMW]

Yes, alcohol makes it so much worse. Things will look better when the alcohol gets out of your system.

 

The bad times are normal - painful, but normal. They will happen, but they will also pass. With time they occur less often. Keep reminding yourself that.

 

Hang in there. Remember how much you enjoyed the day at the beach chatting with the new guy. There will be more of those happy days ahead.

[Happy Lemming]

How are things going with the new guy (Robb)?? Update??

 

(Post #12)

[JuneL]

I was just gonna ask the same question...you beat me to it

Edited July 27, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I hope you are feeling better this morning, MH.

[alphamale]

i'm glad you are overcoming your mental and emotional trauma Mad Hatter

[preraph]

If you keep this up, I'm going to say you need an extended inpatient stay because you can't accept reality, past or present. Snap out of it and get your life back or go get help and stick with it.