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Does being mean to your crush work?


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I have a crush on a guy. He's out of my league, so I can't simply fawn over him like all the other women do. So far:

- He has added me on FB. But I ignored his request.

- He has offered me food in class, which I have refused.

- He smiles at me, but I don't smile back.

- He talks to me and initiates conversations, but I never do the same.

- His friend asked me what I have thought of him out of the blue. I said he's retarded and everyone in class laughed at him.

- His friend asked me if I am single and told me my crush is single and looking for a girlfriend (he said nothing). I told them I'm not sure about wanting a boyfriend and am focusing on my studies.

- I asked if anybody could drive me home, and my crush answered he's going back to my city but only after his exams.

 

The reason why I'm mean/mysterious is because I want to play hard to get. But he's not doing much to get my attention at the moment. Should I continue being cold to him? What should I do? Does he like me, or do you think he does not reciprocate my feelings?

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todreaminblue

what you are doing is destroying your crushes confidence with gas lighting and mean behaviours.....maybe it might work......maybe it will make him want you more.confuse him....make him feel less than he is worth....make you feel more dominant..but...in that you have broken a man.....and men arent horses they shouldnt be broken in to be in a relationship with them....

 

instead of building your crush guy up letting him know you think he is special and you really like him.....which is honest and true...

 

if you break him with gas lighting and manipulation...do you really want him then.... a broken man...or do you want a guy who is strong and confident and cares for you not because you are mean and manipulative and you confuse him.......but dont you want a guy who sees your heart.... because you are warm and beautiful inside and out...i know what i would choose...breaking people.....is something i would never suggest anyone do ..not even people you arent interested in...dont hurt another for any reason.....in fact avoid harming others....its not right....

if other women fawn over him....doesnt mean you should treat him badly to get him...or you feel he is out of your league.....

 

be true to who you are.show him how you feel in the best of ways...and be honest with him about liking him.... you will gain his attention in the good way..the right way....the only way..and if he doesnt like you then...its not meant to be..

 

always leave a man better for knowing you........deb

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MaleIntuition

No, it does not “work” and it’s a ridiculous strategy.

 

Being “out of your league” is a pretty stupid mindset anyway. Men have vastly different tastes when it comes to women; and just because you think this guy is hot - doesn’t mean he himself consider himself as such.

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ExpatInItaly

Please tell me you're not over 18.

 

The way you are going about this is ridiculously immature and misguided.

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I also forgot to mention that he sometimes stares at me in class. I think the reason why I'm appearing to be cold is because I'm afraid of rejection. He could reject and decline any of my gestures or niceness. But when, that wouldn't be bad because I would have my answer. I think being direct and honest is the key.

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ExpatInItaly
I also forgot to mention that he sometimes stares at me in class. I think the reason why I'm appearing to be cold is because I'm afraid of rejection. He could reject and decline any of my gestures or niceness. But when, that wouldn't be bad because I would have my answer. I think being direct and honest is the key.

 

You're not appearing cold so much as you're appearing rude and disinterested.

 

If you aren't able to nice because your fear of rejection is that high, you're really not ready to be dating anyone.

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Playing hard to get never works. What you want to do is BE hard to get.

 

 

Never be mean to anyone. In the situations you described you would be better off

 

 

* accepting the FB request but not posting or liking his page

 

* accept a small bite of the food, say thank you sincerely then go back to what you were doing

 

* give a small smile & head nod back

 

* it's actually good that you wait for him to initiate conversation; you got this one right

 

* calling him retarded Use of that word is meanspirited. You did nothing to him. Instead you insulted an entire group of special needs people who need your compassion not your ridicule. By using that word you proved yourself to be cold hearted & snobbish. The idea that you caused such a vulnerable group of people be the butt of a joke is reprehensible. Banish your word from your vocabulary. Your better answer to the guy's buddy would have been to say you don't discuss things like that with third parties but you'd be happy to talk to the guy himself.

 

* tell the truth when asked a direct question. Stop playing coy

 

* accept the ride so you have time alone to talk to the guy

 

I take it you are in college. Everybody has to learn how to flirt, establish boundaries & maintain self respect. Your idea not to fawn over a guy who gets lots of attention elsewhere is good & it should make you stand out from the crowd by making him work for it but you let the pendulum swing too far the other way. Temper your aloofness with compassion and do offer this crush some encouragement. Right now all you are doing is giving the impression that you are a cruel heartless person. I get that you are acting like this out of fear but if you don't open up you will miss a lot. Risking heartbreak is the price for love.

 

You acknowledge that being direct is the best way but you are not being direct. You are game playing. You can be direct, true to yourself & subtle. Try that instead.

Edited by d0nnivain
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One was my ex boyfriend in the military.

 

This one I've mentioned is my classmate in college.

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I also forgot to mention that he sometimes stares at me in class. I think the reason why I'm appearing to be cold is because I'm afraid of rejection. He could reject and decline any of my gestures or niceness. But when, that wouldn't be bad because I would have my answer. I think being direct and honest is the key.

 

If you see him staring at you it's because you're also staring at him. Othewise you wouldn't know that he was looking at you if you were really ignoring him. He knows you like him and are trying to play hard to get. It's obvious.

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I'm intrigued at the way your attitude and formatting is nearly identical to this post from three years ago https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/573834-boyfriend-insecure-should-i-stop-playing-games

 

It's really time for you to develop a more mature way of showing men you are interested in getting to know them otherwise they are going to think you're silly.

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To be desirable is to be undesirable...but not rude, rude gets you nowhere. Nothing wrong with being a little aloof/mysterious. You still need to smile back a little, a soft touch on the arm, a quick glance, be around in his space, some light chit chat, etc. That gives them some encouragement to pursue. Ya got to give a little sugar to make things become sweeter.

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If you see him staring at you it's because you're also staring at him. Othewise you wouldn't know that he was looking at you if you were really ignoring him. He knows you like him and are trying to play hard to get. It's obvious.

 

I wasn't staring at him. I was looking at the board. I was sitting at the back of the classroom with my back facing the wall. Out of my periphery, I saw him turn to look at me. And there was no window or anyone behind me. There was also nobody next to me.

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Youngestdaughter

Yeah, being mean to your crush works...if he has serous self loathing issues and thinks he deserves it. I knew a woman who followed that principle. And the men she attracted were spineless wimps. Also, it's dishonest. Do you even want a man you have to fake how you feel to get? When does it stop? Admittedly, it's a fine line. Jane Austen characters are always getting in trouble for showing too much or too little emotion. I'm not telling you to toss your hair, laugh too loud at his jokes or lean over and show him your cleavage. But be nice and send subtle signals like lingering eye contact-that is so effective-tell him something reminded you of him. Ask him if he remembers a conversation or incident in which the two of you were involved. How well he remembers is a good sign and you remembering is a signal to him. Just pump yourself up to be confident and comfortable with who you are and HONEST enough-not to confess your feelings-but enough so your behavior displays it subtly. Trust me. You do not want a man who likes mean girls. They may adore you. But they are always lacking in confidence, usually in character, and not someone you can turn to when the chips are down. BTW The mean girl? Two of her boyfriends made passes at me. She's much prettier than I, so I'm guessing it's cuz I was nice. Just be who you are. And who you are is a girl who likes a boy. Good luck!

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So, there is this small border between being mean in a flirty way in being mean in a rude way. What you are doing is more or less in the category of being mean in a rude way. I would try to change.

 

Oh and playing hard to get is something every boy hates. At the beginning it is fun but at some point you just start to feel like you are annoying the other person.

 

 

Just a completely other heads up. The things you said CAN be signs of him liking you but it can also just mean that he wants to be friends with you. Don't over analyze.

 

 

I am pretty sure tho that you will know if he wants to be friends or not when you start showing interest!

 

 

Good luck!

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todreaminblue

you were nineteen when you wrote that thread about your ex bf in the military...you are 21 now right?

 

for three years you have apparently repeated the pattern of manipulation with guys...i understand fear of rejection ...i have that extreme fear....from childhood...but....even with fear i approach a guy with honesty and if i get rejected i take the time to recoup ..i am at heart a painfully shy person who has dealt with severe rejection .....i put up a good front.....no matter how much i fear rejection...ill risk it all for love ...and deal with the bruises later

 

.i dont feel meanness should be in any interaction where you want a positive outcome...i normally do wait until a guy approaches me....and then treat that guy whether i like him or do not feel for him with respect....meanness to me shows disrespect for a persons feelings...being mysterious is different....to mean....

 

good natured teasing is also different.....the operative word being good natured....a good nature is never to be mean....therefore it doesnt put a guy down with ridicule or confuse him....especially in public situations or in private situations either.....you can have fun with a guy for sure....but make sure your fun is his fun ...and not your fun at his expense.....

 

 

another poster wrote about childish things......and games are childish when you are an adult...

 

its time to put away childish things and be real....especially if you wish to form healthy relationships based on respect and mutual understanding.........

 

you are right to be a strong believer in its time for honesty and forthrightness(directness) not games....and i wish you well with that in your mind and heart....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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Vegan, you're not being mean/mysterious. You're being highly offensive. And calling him him the r word and getting the whole class to laugh at him is the kind of thing which really nasty middle school bullies do. You know how many look back on the high school bullies with hate and anger for what they were put through? This is how he will view you one day.

 

You really need to take a long hard look at yourself.

Edited by basil67
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One was my ex boyfriend in the military.

 

This one I've mentioned is my classmate in college.

 

Yes, I know they are different people. The reason I linked your threads was to show that you have a pattern of treating people abysmally. Your behaviour in the last thread was so bad that many thought you were trolling. Instead of learning from the horrified responses of most posters, you simply go and do it again.

 

Are you concerned about the damage you will leave in your wake?

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I wasn't staring at him. I was looking at the board. I was sitting at the back of the classroom with my back facing the wall. Out of my periphery, I saw him turn to look at me. And there was no window or anyone behind me. There was also nobody next to me.

 

He could also be staring at you because your treatment of him has made him hate you. Staring at someone isn't always about attraction.

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