Does he like me?

[Emily1975]

I have a total infatuation with my husband’s friend. They have been friends since they were 6 although didn’t see each other for some time as my OH moved away which is where we met. We are now back in the UK albeit 300 miles away from this friend. So I met him about a year ago and we just instantly clicked. More in a friend way but now I fancy the pants off him. We only get to see him once a month. We always flirt but I don’t know if he actually fancies me back or just sees me as one of the boys.

 

He always tells my OH he is “punching” with me and compliments me all the time. He is single and has been for some years.

I would never cheat but I just need to know if he feels the same. At least that way I could recognise it’s not just me and enjoy the flirting, knowing it is an attraction and not just “seeing me as one of the lads”.

 

We message occasionally. He used to start it but now it can be either of us.

Please calm my mind down so I know what is going on in his head.

Edited April 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and merge into F&L

[Orokotikki]

You are already beginning an emotional affair and setting your husband up for a double betrayal.

[Emily1975]

I have a total infatuation with my husband’s friend. They have been friends since they were 6 although didn’t see each other for some time as my OH moved away which is where we met. We are now back in the UK albeit 300 miles away from this friend.

So I met him about a year ago and we just instantly clicked. More in a friend way but now I fancy the pants off him. We only get to see him once a month. We always flirt but I don’t know if he actually fancies me back or just sees me as one of the boys.

He always tells my OH he is “punching” with me and compliments me all the time. He is single and has been for some years.

 

I would never cheat but I just need to know if he feels the same. At least that way I could recognize it’s not just me and enjoy the flirting, knowing it is an attraction and not just “seeing me as one of the lads”.

We message occasionally. He used to start it but now it can be either of us.

Please calm my mind down so I know what is going on in his head.

Edited April 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mark clemson]

Sorry, but hard to say honestly. It could be either way.

 

Strongly suggest you maintain your boundaries so this attraction doesn't turn into a huge, potentially life-upending mess at some point. You may want to read some of the threads here and in the Infidelity section if you haven't already, to get a sense of what you might be in for if this turns into something more.

[Amethyst68]

Why do you 'need to know'? Concentrate your energies on your husband before you harm your marriage and a lifelong friendship!

[Orokotikki]

I stand by my response to your other duplicate thread, although this one is in a more appropriate forum.

 

"You are already beginning an emotional affair and setting your husband up for a double betrayal."

[mark clemson]

I would never cheat but I just need to know if he feels the same. At least that way I could recognise it’s not just me and enjoy the flirting, knowing it is an attraction and not just “seeing me as one of the lads”.

We message occasionally. He used to start it but now it can be either of us.

Please calm my mind down so I know what is going on in his head.

 

 

Follow up - it sounds like this is the start of an emotional affair (EA). Be aware that this is truly a slippery slope and can slowly, or sometimes quickly escalate into a true full-fledged EA. This is something I know from personal experience.

 

An EA may often then escalate to a full physical affair (PA). The emotions and desire to take it physical can become VERY strong, much stronger than normal sexual desire.

 

You would be wise to nip this in the bud. Seriously.

[mark clemson]

Crossed posts with Oroko - totally agree with his point. You need to beware, OP. Read some of the other threads in this section. These things start out as dreams but often become total nightmares.

[d0nnivain]

You need to create a box in your mind where you put this guy & everything you think about him. Label the box dangerous. Contents will kill your marriage.

Then do everything in your power to stay away from this man. I mean everything. Let DH spend time with him without you. Do not talk to him. When you find yourself thinking about him, immediately picture divorce papers in your head.

 

Do nothing else about this silly little crush. The price -- your marriage -- is to high. How this guy feels about you is only relevant if you are planning to dump your husband for him. Hopefully his loyalty to your husband runs deeper then yours.

[preraph]

You'll destroy your husband's relationship not just with you but with his friend if you don't stop acting like a smitten 14 year old with no care for consequences. This is the worst thing you could do in this relationship. If your husband isn't enough for you, then get out of the marriage, but even then, do NOT date his good friend. That's cruel.

[loversquarrel]

I lost the ability to read minds long ago, but you could try the decent common sense approach and stop thinking what you're thinking.

[stillafool]

No, he doesn't want you. He is being friendly to his best friend's wife. He is viewing you like a sister, family if you will. He's a single guy with millions of single women at his feet. Do you think he would be low enough to have sex with his friend's wife? Very few men are this low. He may be horrified to know how you feel about him as that would make him so uncomfortable around his best friend and he may have to end up telling him about your advances. Get your hormones in check or get a divorce.