Why would he bother?

[Can86]

First time poster here, didn't know who to ask. I guess I am looking for possible answers as to why a fwb would react in such an extreme and hurtful way. Perhaps a personality disorder?

 

I'm 19 and fwb is 26, and was seeing him once a week for about 7 months. He asked for a NSA relationship the second time we met (through a mutual friend). I believed him when he said that, and wasn't looking, nor expecting more.

 

We did act and do couple like things together, but since there was never any l"official" label, and he said he didn't want a girlfriend, I didn't try and "read" into this couple like behaviour, I just enjoyed the moment. He has said he loved me a few times, but I never said it back. I did care about him a lot, but I already had up my barrier protecting myself, so I tried to keep my feelings at bay by being a tad bit emotionally distant.

 

One evening, a week before we ended, he said he didn't want to, but he became engaged, because he didn't want to upset his parents, and said that it was up to me if I wanted to continue or not.

 

I took that as a a cue to walk away, and I did, without giving him an answer. I didn't hear from him for a week, then I bumped into him at the club with my ex who had contacted me after the fwb told me he became engaged (if he really was, I don't know). I didn't talk to this ex for about a year.

 

Fwb seemed shocked when I introduced him to my friend (ex). Three weeks of not hearing from him (fwb), he calls me to meet up, and he came to pick me up. He was acting strange, like emotional, but I never thought to quiz him on it, but I'm sure he could tell I had pulled away from him.

 

Arrived at the club and he said "we need to talk". He took me outside the club and proceeded to tell me "I know you're in love with me, but I was only using you for sex." Then said all these other ridiculous "it's not you it's me" rubbish, and listed his faults like taking drugs, sleeping with married women etc. Then he said he would take me home, after going back inside the club, I realised he just took off, and left me stranded there.

 

Then I bumped into him a week later at a club, and he introduced me to his "girlfriend", and trying to make me jealous.

 

A couple of weeks after that, I was walking down the street alone, and I saw him sitting alone at a table with a really hurt puppy dog look on his face. I just walked straight past.

 

That was his childish and vindictive way of seeking revenge, all because I was with my ex, but why try and hurt me to this extent? We never had any arguments, have a lot in common, but he never said he wanted a girlfriend, so I never looked at us as anything other than fwb.

[FMW]

He has a fragile ego. He wanted you to be pining after him, not hanging out with another guy (your ex). His hurt ego resulted in him acting out to try and hurt you to put things back in balance for him.

 

Don't waste too much time or energy on trying to figure him out.

[preraph]

Oh, he's just a big irresponsible baby. He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to -- ONLY because it hurts his ego. So that made him mad. He'd have been perfectly happy to imagine you sitting around knitting by yourself just you and your cats the rest of your days because it would gratify his ego. Lots of guys are like this, and honestly plenty of women too. Whether they ever even wanted you or not, they consider it a slap in the face if you have no trouble moving on. It's just egotistical, that's all. Pay no mind. Don't overthink it. Don't hope it's more. He's a big irresponsible baby.

[Can86]

Thank you. Yes, I agree with you.

 

The way he did it and the things he was saying, just seemed so crazy. He even looked like he was going to cry while he was saying all these bizarre things, then saw anger in his tone.

 

There was no need to bring me all the way to a club just to tell me he was only using me for sex, then saying he will take me home, but decided to leave me stranded there when I don't drive, when that's what we agreed on from the very beginning, a no-strings situation.

 

I'm sure it would've hurt his fragile ego more when I just stood there listening, not crying and begging.

 

I've never had a boy/man treat me like that before, and what he did was so childish and vindictive, when we were not even dating. I've never even had a breakup end like that either.

 

Then he looked so sad and regretful when I saw him last. Good, hope he regrets being an idiot.