Romantic feelings for friends.

[Mysterio]

I have 4 female friends.

 

One is older and one is younger than me. No matter how much I try. I find myself attracted to both of them.

 

JC is 37. I was with her the other day. She looked up at me and I felt the desire to kiss her. We walked in the park a couple of yrs ago. I felt like holding hands etc. Yet I won't tell her that because her personality is too tough for me. I don't think she would be receptive to any romantic probing from me to her.

 

DS is 68. She as a partner. Yet I feel the same way as well. I told her once that I am sexually attracted to her. She says she knows that already and seemed happy about it.

 

the other two I don't feel anything romantic towards at all.

 

Is it because I don't have a GF at the moment and my feelings are deferred to them. I don't get it. Or are my romantic feelings so strong that I can't really be 100% friends with any new woman that comes across my path. I can't be friends with any new woman, because I look at most women in my social environment with a Romantic haze.

 

I am to the point now where I am semi scared to meet a woman and have it all work out as it would be too good to be true. The flood gates of loving and sexual attraction to my future GF would be a bottomless pit. She won't have problems with me expressing my love. I just don't want it to be overbearing.

Edited April 2, 2019 by Mysterio

[JuneL]

These sound more like sexual feelings than romantic ones. Would either be receptive to a fwb arrangement?

[stillafool]

How old are you Mysterio?

[Mysterio]

I just turned 48 yrs young on March 11.

[stillafool]

Go with the 37 year old.

[Fair]

I'm a little confused as to why you're attracted to a woman who is nearly 70 years old. This can't be common.

 

Clearly though, you're not attracted to ALL women. You have four female friends. You're attracted to two.

 

Just go get a girlfriend. Seriously, what's the problem? I don't see one, here. You have the desire. Now just get some guts and ask someone out. Read some self help or go get counselling if you need help with that. It sounds like you have low self esteem.

[CC12]

There are lots of hot 70 year olds. They may not be traditionally hot like a pretty 20 year old with a tight bod, but it's not so uncommon and strange for someone to find an older woman attractive. Also, knowing and liking someone's personality makes them much hotter. I really don't see what's confusing about any of it.

 

Is it because I don't have a GF at the moment and my feelings are deferred to them.

 

Probably, in a way. I mean, the second you get a girlfriend, you're not going to be pining after those friends of yours.

 

If you're worried about being overbearing to a future girlfriend, just pay attention to her reactions. Like if she physically pulls away from you a little when you're trying to hug or kiss her, then you know to lay off a bit. Or if she doesn't respond to your texts right away, text less. Basically, try to match her level of enthusiasm.

[maxi105]

hello mysterio. i think that you are attracted to these women as these are the only real women in your life that you get on with and coupled with your maybe lonliness and maybe expectations and confusion and possibly lack of experience you are wanting to be with one of these women regardless of whether they are really right for you.

 

they might be right for you, i don't know them or how they feel about you, but i suspect they are not quite right, and i think you would be better having a good night out somewhere, or joining a club or doing something in the day that you really enjoy and see what the people there are like as well.

 

i think you would benefit from just meeting other women as friends and getting to know them maybe if they are willing for more.

 

id forget the fwb if i were you, that will only make your self esteem fall if you are feeling low on esteem right now or are easily prone to feeling hard hit by love.

 

if you are wanting the older woman then that's fine if shes keen too, but you both need to actually talk about things properly as there will be other factors that will go with the relationship...not all bad by anymeans, but you need to really talk stuff over, she will have concerns about you as well so you need to talk it over.

 

but that doesn't mean if you get a gal nearer your own age its gonna be all plain sailin!!!!!! look at the posts where it all went wrong!

 

ive just read your post again and i think forget the 37 year old, if you are not sure about her personality forget it...i think she will make you unhappy even more so in the future if you got together.

 

 

break away from both of them (im not saying don't talk or be friends etc...) im saying break away emotionally and look to meet other women, i don't think its fair to lead the older woman on before you have been in environments with other women, who might be just as attractive, the older woman may be hurt if you turn the heat on, get together then later on you end up dropping her for another woman...or she might end up dropping you for a man more her age or younger...

 

 

so that's my take on it. get out there and meet other women in other situatiuons and think about how well you really can relate to the women and what you want for your furture.

 

 

i cant help thinking though at 48...what have you been doing to have got into such a nervous state or seemingly clueless place with women?!!!

 

but whatever the situation, don't let your immediate desepration lead you or them into something that might not work. step back and look properly at what it is you want and need and what you can give back not just about what you want or think others need...if that makes sense! close sure, but not the same even if it may sound like it....

 

get out there and find yourself again, don't rely on others to sort it for you or you will not attract the right sorts of people and they may feel used or unsatisfied if you don't know what you want.

 

 

i feel like i have spoken to you about this matter but in a different way.

 

anyway, you need to think about how well you know the older gal and what you REALLYhave in common, is it enough to deal with the harder stuff. do you care enough to stick by her regardless.

 

im sure she would stick by you regardless if did get together. and im guessing she's flattered, but may not be too forward if she is not sure that you are prepared for a proper relationship or are serious in your intent to be with her.

 

i don't hear that right now as you like 2 people! do you need to take a good look at yourself and your emotional maturity in this situation and im sure you'll find your lady and the confidence and clarity you are so clearly lacking right now.

 

but good luck with it. and sorry if it sounds a bit hard on you, i do wish you well, but i cant get over the age thing (BUT ON YOUR PART) not ther womens....they know what they want and who they are!!!! you need to find more about who you are and what you want before you get to a place where you are messing with other peoples heads and feelings (even if its not intentional).

 

see ya, its another honest one im afraid, but im sure you'll meet or decide what's what in time, so i hope you have a nice time in the process. and you get what you want. maxi.