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How to handle this like a boss?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 13th March 2019, 5:24 PM   #1
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How to handle this like a boss?

So last week I started talking to that girl on instagram after she followed me and liked and commented on some of my pictures. I'm a film student and she said she was really interested in my work so we started texting a lot. Complimenting each other also and even flirting a little bit.
But there's one thing, she never really wanted to talk about her past because she says it's pretty rough and that she will tell me more about it when we see each other face to face. So I didn't ask much questions about it and I asked her out.
She then said that she's interested in me to eventually become more than friends but that she is not ready to become serious with someone yet and that she does fear physical contact for now. So I said it was okay, I would just make her read my next script and have diner with her and that's it. We then made it clear that for now we aren't really ''dating'' but that she leaves the door open for when she's ready to become more serious.
We're supposed to meet tomorrow at my place but I'm not really used to inviting a girl without anything happening so I was wondering, are there some tips on how to be good and friendly to her without falling too much in the friendzone? I don't want to be an a*hole, I just want to keep her interest alive for later if I were to still be single when the time comes.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:30 PM   #2
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Get her to read your script at this lunch then assume you will get nothing from her except input. If you truly don't want to be just her friend, be polite & aloof. Don't reach out to her but do respond if she initiates. In short don't act like a love sick puppy following her around & stroking her ego.

Understand, she's playing games & in the short term will never be ready to move on from whatever has made her so skittish. At best she's a fixer up project who will go running back to the EX who mistreated her.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:31 PM   #3
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Don't date her until she's ready to have a relationship. I swear, the whole time I was young and everyone around me dating and whatnot, I never heard of anyone saying, Date me, but I'm not looking for a relationship/sex. That's what dating IS.

If you cave and keep seeing her and go by those rules, you are simply going to start and finish in the friendzone. She may very well just be interested in your work or wanting to make contacts if she's in a similar field -- or she may be someone who just likes to get free dinners.

So just know you'll end up in the friendzone where you started. If that's not okay with you, why get wound up about her or even get it started? Tell her, Sorry, I AM looking for a relationship and I find having a girl friend around can get in the way of finding someone.

I mean, you met her on Instagram which isn't really a dating site, so I can't fault her for just straightening you out from the get go that she's not trying to find a bf. But I can fault you if you don't believe her. No woman would tell a guy she's not interested in a relationship or physical if she was attracted to him. Period.
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Old 13th March 2019, 5:36 PM   #4
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Don't date her until she's ready to have a No woman would tell a guy she's not interested in a relationship or physical if she was attracted to him. Period.
I agree with you on most of what you said. But this isn't necessarily accurate, she did in fact tell me that she has some trauma from the past and that she doesn't want to get intimate with anyone for now, and that I should not take it personal.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:04 PM   #5
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she did in fact tell me that she has some trauma from the past and that she doesn't want to get intimate with anyone for now, and that I should not take it personal.
That's an excuse. While it might be valid, if you were the hottest guy she ever saw, she'd be over that "trauma" in a nano-second.
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Old 13th March 2019, 6:13 PM   #6
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I agree with you on most of what you said. But this isn't necessarily accurate, she did in fact tell me that she has some trauma from the past and that she doesn't want to get intimate with anyone for now, and that I should not take it personal.
We hear that about 10 times a day here and so far the "for now" has not turned into "now I'm ready." You just end up with a mess on your hands. You can't fix her. No one can fix her. And also, that may just be an excuse so you don't try to come on to her and she might actually just be wanting to be friendly and nothing more. Women can do that all day.
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Old 13th March 2019, 9:48 PM   #7
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So you want to handle this like a boss?

First off don't get too hung up on someone you met through Instagram. Don't take it too seriously. You haven't even met face to face so there's no point in getting emotionally invested in this woman.

Second the whole "I fear physical contact" thing from her past is a way of implying that she's not trying to meet up for an easy f*ck. She doesn't want you to have expectations. Take her out to dinner, you can more comfortably be a little flirty and like touch her arm or hand in an excited friendly part of conversation, which is a polite way of testing physical comfortability without her feeling like you're trying to coax her into sex.

Third all of the "I'm not ready to be serious" and "I'm interested in eventually becoming more than friends" stuff would be a huge red flag for me. You haven't even met yet and she's already talking about that stuff? The inner boss in me will repeat the first suggestion, don't get too emotionally invested in this woman.
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Old 13th March 2019, 10:21 PM   #8
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So you want to handle this like a boss?

Third all of the "I'm not ready to be serious" and "I'm interested in eventually becoming more than friends" stuff would be a huge red flag for me. You haven't even met yet and she's already talking about that stuff? The inner boss in me will repeat the first suggestion, don't get too emotionally invested in this woman.
Thanks, will definately keep that in mind. I'll probably write another message tomorrow to tell you guys about how it went.
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Old 13th March 2019, 11:26 PM   #9
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Tell her if you’ll only ever be friends you’re cool with that but still say light sexy flirty stuff to her afterwards.

It’ll take all the pressure off of her and let her know you appreciate her for her.

Then you’ll be a boss.
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