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In love with a female collegue from work

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 11th March 2019, 9:35 AM   #1
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In love with a female collegue from work

Hello everyone!

This is my first post here and I'll try to be short as much as I can.
First of all a short introduction to myself - I am 33 year old man, Software Developer by profession, married, with two children.

Less than an year ago I started to work in a new software company. Everything was normal until last December something snapped in me. I think... I know I have fallen for a woman in the company, also a Software Developer with management functions (team lead and project management) in another team. She is around 36-37 at the moment, so she's older than me with 3-4 years. She's also married with 1 child. She is very beautiful, charming and sweet.

I don't know the reasons for my feelings for her, but no doubt - I definitely have fallen for her... I know that some of you may judge me, but I won't apologize for my feelings. I am a human being and I really would like her to share my feelings and both of us to have romantic and sexual relations if it is possible and if she wants.

Problem is that I don't know what to do... Because I am not kind of a playboy or seducer type. I am trying to be more friendly with her, to spend more time with her whenever I can. And most importantly - I am being myself (for good or for bad). Currently she's neutral with me - she accepts me only as her colleague and like me as such, nothing more (surely she doesn't like me like I do). But also don't dislike me. But please do advise me what is a good idea to do and what is not.

Thank you for your taken time all!
I appreciate all your answers, suggestions, advises and constructive critique!
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:36 AM   #2
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So, you want to blow up your family and your career all at once then? Sounds like a great idea.
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Old 11th March 2019, 10:27 AM   #3
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First of all you are not in love with her. You don't even know her in a romantic context. You may lust her. You may be suffering from GIGs for stop sating you love her.

She accepts you as a colleague. She is neutral to you. She would probably be horrified by the idea of breaking up her family. She is not interested in dating you. She loves her husband.

If you peruse her you may end up getting fired for sexual harassment. Unwelcome flirtation in the work place is a BAD thing.

If you want out of your marriage, get a divorce but don't cheat & don't make a pest of yourself at work.
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Old 11th March 2019, 11:39 AM   #4
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While you might be attracted to her, she probably does not want to ruin her career and family by becoming involved with you. I would suggest you stop looking at her as a sex symbol and rather as a software developer with management functions, otherwise, you might find yourself out of a job (and a wife, and a family.)

Instead, maybe you should take a closer look at your marriage and determine what causes you to think about straying. Work on giving your marriage and your wife a chance.
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:22 PM   #5
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You want her kid to grow up in a broken home so you can get your wick wet?

Makes sense. Doesn't it just make you wish someone had hit on your mom and broken up your family too?
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Old 11th March 2019, 4:57 PM   #6
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What you have is just a crush, and it's not reciprocated. You don't even know who she is. Everyone is nice at work. It's pretty much required.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
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Old 11th March 2019, 5:17 PM   #7
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Fine. When are you planning to divorce and pursue her?
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Old 11th March 2019, 7:09 PM   #8
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Don't spend time with her whenever you can. Maintain the level of contact you would with any male you work with.
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:10 PM   #9
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Donít do it

Iím dealing with his mess right now !!!

Donít do it itís not worth the paint and the aftermath
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Old 11th March 2019, 9:45 PM   #10
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I'm single and I can't even pursue any woman I want at work. I would be promptly fired if any one of the women around me said she was uncomfortable. For you, you've got so much to lose and very little to gain. Best to keep this as a friendship and explore why you are dying to have sex with women outside of your marriage.
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Old 11th March 2019, 10:19 PM   #11
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Here's what you should do:

Step 1
Each time you are about to try and connect with or speak to this woman, begin with an image of that poor 1 year old baby crying because an evil man came to wreak hell upon their home and breakup mommy and daddy.

Is this the kind of predator you are? If so, proceed to Step 2.

Step 2
Now think of her husband - the life that you just ripped away from her; the past, present, and future of her soul you pissed on to satisfy your little boy fantasy.

Is this the kind of user you are? If so, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3
Check in at human resources when you're done. There's a process server in your future waiting to serve you with a restraining order. He missed you at the office but, he'll catch you and your wife at home. Don't forget to pickup your last paycheck and clear out your desk. Oh, and your wife has your wardrobe out on the front lawn, while your kids are asking why daddy isn't coming home anymore?

Is this the kind of man you want to be?
Good luck with that.
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Old 12th March 2019, 8:46 AM   #12
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OP, I'm guessing the advice you've gotten isn't what you wanted. But it's all correct.
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Old 12th March 2019, 5:16 PM   #13
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Agree with all the advice above - don't do this. I wouldn't try to be any closer to this woman, even platonically as a friend, as things might develop.

Nothing she can give you would be worth the risks you would be taking.
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Old 14th March 2019, 1:18 PM   #14
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hey there legend!!!!!! well my advice to you is this, if you want to stay being a legend to your wife and family (as im guessing that is what they still think of you, esapcially your children, then I guess you look at what you want to really happen and not the fantasy stuff that is going on in your mind that isn't real or reciprocated by this other person.

all the stuff you are listing for me is irrelevant!!!!!!

you have really answered your own question on this post for me.
she see's you in a neutral way.

ok, so you cant help your feelings, but they aren't shared by her .

I think you'd be better just getting on with things and treating her in a neutral way and a professional way at work. if she wants more then she can come to you and ask you and declare how she feels.

this isn't really just about what you want because you are not single and neither is she.

I advise you not to go anyfurther (I mean don't get any stronger with her in your behaviour with her or around her or about her as it will just feed a fantasty and your lust and infatuation even further...that could end up and probably will do if you don't get hold of this non starter and see it for what It really is ...just a crush.

unlsess she wants you, and there is NO SIGN THAT SHE DOES OR WANTS TO BREAK UP HER FAMILY!!!!! then talk to your partner and try and see if you can put some quality time into fixing what isn't that good right now.

if you cant do that then you need to look at what that means for beign single, divorced, how that impacts your kids etc...

good luck, but don't see what just isn't there in this thing. you could end up losing your job and your family and for a woman that you want but who isn't in LOVE with you or doesn't think of you in that way.

im sure she'd probably back off if she knew how youreally felt.

ok, good wishes, times up, maxi
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