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Is she playing games?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 27th February 2019, 12:19 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by crispytoast View Post
Sort of. It was a girl who was close to me while she was dating someone else. <snip>
Sorry that happened to you. But yes, I think you're right - that word is powerful and probably should only be said in the right moment. It seems like your situation is somewhat similar since her and I are either always taken or never in the right place to date each other, lol.

Also, no. I do not drink anymore and she wasn't drinking at the party bc she had work the next day. Which made it all more confusing, the fact she groped me and straight out said she was in love with me years ago.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 27th February 2019 at 6:23 PM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 3rd March 2019, 1:37 PM   #17
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It's ok, friend. Everything happens for a reason.

Any update on your situation?
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Old 4th March 2019, 7:56 PM   #18
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Yes, I have an update.

I became frustrated with the situation because of how many mixed signals she was giving. I eventually just told her the truth, however, I warmed up to the situation by saying, "can I be brutally honest about something? How I feel about you?" and she hesitated. When she hesitated I pretty much said, "It's ok, I know where your heart and head is" referring to I know she's still trying to get over her ex because as soon as I looked at her when I asked if I could be brutally honest, her eyes gave it away. I followed by saying, "I feel strongly about you, and I'm sorry for saying this now after all the time that has passed us, but I know where you're coming from". She interrupted me to say "maybe not right now" implying that maybe right now isn't the best time to say how I feel.

So I respected her wishes, I told her that it is fine and I will be here if she ever needs me and I apologized. I do feel relieved after now knowing the truth, but it sure does still hurt.
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Old 5th March 2019, 11:15 PM   #19
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Well now you know. Keep being her friend. You never know what will become down the line. And don't just be the homie hoping there might be something in the future. Just be a bad ass friend for the sake of being a bad ass friend. She loved you for a reason. Don't push the relationship stuff. And if she gives you a chance, step slowly and with care.
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Old 6th March 2019, 12:06 AM   #20
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Thank you for your insight and kind words, toast. I very much appreciate it.

As for everything else, I have stepped back and left her alone. I haven't text her or made any contact whatsoever since the conversation. I took some time to reflect on it, I feel a little embarrassed but at the same time I'm alright about it because I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders now that the ball is in her court - it's no longer bothering me trying to figure out where she is with her emotions. I'll be here as a friend for her and if anything happens, then great, but I have zero expectations now.
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Old 7th March 2019, 11:04 AM   #21
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I don't think being her friend is a very good idea if you have romantic interest in her...
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Old 7th March 2019, 8:29 PM   #22
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@Juha, I'm not petty. I can handle rejection and that doesn't mean I'm incapable of having a platonic friendship with her. Eventually the romantic interest will fizzle out. Life goes on and I will be focusing on myself. : )
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:52 PM   #23
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@Juha, I'm not petty. I can handle rejection and that doesn't mean I'm incapable of having a platonic friendship with her. Eventually the romantic interest will fizzle out. Life goes on and I will be focusing on myself. : )
It's not about being petty, it's about if you ever want a chance at a romantic relationship with her being her platonic friend guarantees it will never, ever happen. By letting her know you really like her, want to date, see what happens, and then letting her know that friends is not what you really want.

By agreeing to what she wants makes you weak in her mind, she gets to put you where she wants to, like she owns you and you get nothing...

It is a bad thing to do but if you prefer to be weak and never have a chance to date her then that is your choice. You will be wasting your time being her friend when you could be spending it with someone who actually likes you.

I wish you the best but can see you will never be happy taking the tack in dating you are taking
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Old 7th March 2019, 10:34 PM   #24
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I disagree... He can still be flirty and playful without trying to pull some bullsh*t "date me or I'll never be your friend" ultimatum.

If you try to push a more than friends narrative, you will probably lose her as a friend. Instead, be playful and flirty and sweet like you were before.. I'm not saying act like her boyfriend or try to put on moves, just be the natural person that she was attracted to before. Remind her why she got hot for you in the first place. She might decide she wants to date you. Or she might never go down that route, but either way you'll likely remain friends and your integrity will remain in tact.
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Old 8th March 2019, 1:05 AM   #25
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@Juha, I am not into mind games and if she views me as weak for being honest with her, then so be it. I'll move on. We've been friends for years, if nothing happens out of the situation then it isn't the end of the world for me.

Also, my happiness does not lay in other peoples hands. I am happy.
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Old 8th March 2019, 1:10 AM   #26
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@crispy, I agree with you 100% - I view ending my friendship with her all because she may not like me in the same way is ridiculous and absurd. I'm not the type to be clingy or push people or force them into something. I told her how I feel, it wasn't the response I hoped for, but I won't sit around to give more thought into it. I also agree that just continuing to be myself like I always have been will benefit me more than not. But yeah, I'd rather keep my friendship with her than nothing.

How are you, toast?
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Old 8th March 2019, 2:21 AM   #27
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I'm doing well my dude just sipping on a beer blasting music and waiting for my friend to come by for some late night painting. I can't complain
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