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Falling for my male best friend of 12 years.


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 20th February 2019, 9:30 AM   #1
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Falling for my male best friend of 12 years.

So I have been friends with this guy I met in high school for about 12 years now. We originally started out as more than friends but timing was just bad and it didn't work out but we becamebbest friends and remained friends over the years but haven't seen each other. We both have been in relationships but we still kept in touch. For the past year-and-a-half we've gotten even closer. We talk about everything and kno w everything about each other. He's always had feelings for me as more than a friend and he's been clear about. He's talked about us eventually ending up together getting married and having kids.

Now I've started to have serious feelings for him. I've been single for the past year but I've talked guys but it just never turned in to anything serious. He actually has a gf that a he's been with some years but they have been kind of on and off the past 7 months. When they broke up for a little while he asked me to give him a chance he's always wanted me and felt like our time was past due. I didn't because I didn't want to be a rebound. Well he ended up getting back with his gf. Figures..but now my feelings for him have grown. I haven't said anything. But it's clear that we have this connection. It's like we're having an emotional relationship with each other. We've never had sex and haven't seen each other in years. He's tried to hang out with me and asked But I usually end up bailing.

Now I'm starting to think how could you want me and still be with her. Like how can you tell me this stuff and I'm supposed to take you seriously but you are still with her?? Yes, you've told me these things before you got with her and while you were broken up for a short time but still. It's not like you haven't told me you wanted me while you were with her. I would never try to break up his relationship or ask him to leave her for me. But now I don't know if I should be honest with him and tell him how I feel or if I should just distance myself from him. Advice?
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Old 20th February 2019, 11:28 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Firstlady07 View Post

Now I'm starting to think how could you want me and still be with her. Like how can you tell me this stuff and I'm supposed to take you seriously but you are still with her?? Yes, you've told me these things before you got with her and while you were broken up for a short time but still. It's not like you haven't told me you wanted me while you were with her. I would never try to break up his relationship or ask him to leave her for me. But now I don't know if I should be honest with him and tell him how I feel or if I should just distance myself from him. Advice?
Tell him this^^^^ and see what happens.
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Old 20th February 2019, 2:15 PM   #3
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I endorse Smackie's thinking.

Tell him your feelings ... and you can say, "look I don't want to break up your relationship with your current gf."

There are times when feelings develop between friends ... and those relationships can be so good ... because you really know the person ... and don't have all the fantasies that we bring to dating people we barely know. Most people get to know their partners THROUGH dating.

You guys have the advantage of already knowing each other. I actually think you owe it to him and to yourself to make clear you are interested ... and you can do that ... and still be on solid moral ground.

It's OK if someone wants to break up with a gf/bf to be with someone else. The unethical thing is to start a relationship (mainly sex) while the other person is still with someone else.
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Old 20th February 2019, 3:01 PM   #4
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I'm wondering how much your feelings are based on reality since you don't spend time together in person and you bail on him when he asks to see you...

Why now?
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Old 21st February 2019, 8:47 AM   #5
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I'm wondering how much your feelings are based on reality since you don't spend time together in person and you bail on him when he asks to see you...

Why now?
Honestly I don't know why now. It really snuck up on me. I mean the feelings have always been there but they've gotten stronger lately. While they were broken up we would talk everyday for hours. we still talk but we don't talk as often or as long now and it seems he's been a little distant since the last time we were supposed to hang out. I know he was mad at me about about bailing and we talked after that. And it's not like I've never hung out with him because we have before it was just years ago. part of the reason I bailed on him was because I felt that seeing him and being around him was going to make those feelings grow even more and then I would be stuck. Last week when I talked to him he told me he missed talking to me and I miss it too. So maybe that has something to do with it
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