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ANSWER- Crushing on my straight bff


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 17th February 2019, 2:19 PM   #1
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Red face ANSWER- Crushing on my straight bff

Hi, first of all I just wanna say I'm new to this forum and therefore am not sure how to use it. And I apologize in advance for my english which may not be perfect as it isn't my first language and I'm learning it at school only. Basically, I came here to confess my attraction to one of my best friends who I doubt I have any chance with.
Basically, it's been about 3 months that I've been crushing on her and wishing for something sorta romantic to happen. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, but she does attract me and I wish I could at least kiss her and maybe make out with her at least once. I wouldn't really want it to get more sexual than this. Btw, I should outright say that I'm myself a girl, which I guess makes me bi. If you're gonna shame me, I don't really care. I didn't come here to be judged and I actually am not ashamed of myself.
So yeah, now let me tell me more about her/our relationship. Something quite important to state is the fact that she has a boyfriend and has said before that she wasn't attracted to girls. I know that this should be enough to end my hopeless fantasies. But here's the thing. Her boyfriend and her barely ever hang out outside of school (she's actually told me about this personally). They've been dating for 9 months but try to keep their relationship as private as possible in school, God knows why. We're like 5 to actually know about it. Anyway, they barely show any signs of affection in school, and since they never really see each other outside of school, I'll let you imagine the total amount of time it must actually happen. She's told me before that they've never had sex, but we don't discuss this subject a lot. She has another female friend crushing on her who's actually confessed to her. I was the first person and maybe the only person she's told about it. Let's nick name my best friend Elena. Elena and her friend are still friends and I don't think it's affected their relationship a lot. It was on that one time that Elena told me "v***nas weren't her thing".
Anyway, let's now talk about our relationship. We've known each other for about a year and a half. She's told me more than once that I was a very important person in her life if not the most important. She's also told me that I was the person that mattered the most to her in our school, which is flattering considering the fact that her actual boyfriend is in our school. She compliments me, tells me I'm beautiful, stunning (without me having to fish for compliments), talented, amazing at singing. She's also told me before that she loved my body and my lips, but us and our friends were having a "compliment round?"? Which means we were sitting in a circle and one by one complimenting each other. So although I assume it's true, she didn't "spontaneously" said it. I have to add that she often tells me that she loves me. She will text me "I love you" without necessarily telling me anything else. Also once on Valentine's day, we were texting and I was complaining about how no one had sent me anything and she said "we'll take care of that" with smirking emoji. I answered with "do you have any suggestions" but the conversation didn't really go any further. She didn't end up suggesting anyone, she told me there was no special day for love, and that we could discuss it calmly on the day after. On that day, she tried to bring it up but we didn't actually talk about it because we were in the school's bathroom and some people came in, so we changed the subject. I shall add that she's very touchy with me, we hug almost every time we meet, even when we haven't seen each other in a hour. She also will randomly hug me when we're in the same room, like come behind me and hug me or put her head on my shoulder. When my hand happens to touch hers, she usually tries to hold it or make it last longer. Two days ago, she asked me if she could sit on me (she meant my lap), and I jokingly said that we would crush me. I didn't say it in a rude way, she's thin but she's objectively much taller than me, I'm 5'1 and she's like 5'8/5'9 (which is another thing I love about her. Anyway, I apologized right after it and she acted offended for like 2 minutes (as a joke). When we're with our friends or even alone, she's joked multiple times about proposing to me, and us being married. If she sees I'm wearing a ring, she will take it off my finger and act like she's proposing me, put one hand on her heart and jokingly tell me about how we've known each other for a while and blablabla. She also likes to say that we should live in the US together in the future, have loads of cats and dogs, and stuff like that. I have a friend who once said that we looked cute together.
So yeah. That's basically it. If you want more details, tell me.
Also, we're going on holidays together in 3 weeks. We'll spend one time entirely alone at my house (even my parents won't be here) and then a friend of ours will join us a day later. I've told her about this and she seemed excited about it and brought it up after, saying she was happy that we would be alone together in the beginning.
I'd really like some advice on how to handle the situation, should I try to be more touchy, should I tell her I'm into girls to hint that she has a chance with me, should I outright confess that I have feelings for her, should I forget about it and move on? Tell me if you need more details to analyze the situation.
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:32 PM   #2
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Straight girlfriends can be very close without being intimate, though. If she says she's not into girls, then she's not. Maybe check with her in another 10 years. It can take people into their 20s to start wanting to explore more.

I would give this advice to any young guy with a crush on a friend. Don't try to kiss her because she's already told you she's not into women in that way. It would be disrespectful. You could lose a friend. Does she even know you're bi or gay? If so, it's really up to her to make the first move. And just like in any friendship, it rarely successfully develops from a big friendship to a romantic relationship. The person becomes like family, like your sister or brother, and not a romantic interest.
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Old 17th February 2019, 3:37 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Straight girlfriends can be very close without being intimate, though. If she says she's not into girls, then she's not. Maybe check with her in another 10 years. It can take people into their 20s to start wanting to explore more.

I would give this advice to any young guy with a crush on a friend. Don't try to kiss her because she's already told you she's not into women in that way. It would be disrespectful. You could lose a friend. Does she even know you're bi or gay? If so, it's really up to her to make the first move. And just like in any friendship, it rarely successfully develops from a big friendship to a romantic relationship. The person becomes like family, like your sister or brother, and not a romantic interest.
Who said your sister or brother can't be a romantic interest
(I'm joking pls don't report me. also I'm bi, no she doesn't know)
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