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Interpretations ....


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 15th February 2019, 12:50 AM   #1
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Interpretations ....

About 4 years ago I met a guy, (I'll call him B), I was attracted to through a date site, but because I felt he was just after a casual fling I didn't bother pursuing it. About a month ago I get a message from him out of the blue. So we started chatting and as the weeks have passed he's told me how lonely he is and how much he wants a committed relationship but, despite regularly meeting plenty of women, that he just can't seem to meet anyone who he wants to see again. He invited me to spend his birthday with him when he'll be visiting my area, and also invited me to go on holiday with him in July this year. I've been in a relationship for about 2 years and, even though it's got cracks in it, I try to work at it. I told B early in the piece that I have a partner, and I've also confided that it's been a rocky relationship and I'm not ecstatically happy, just OK-ish. I also have been wondering if I made a mistake 4 years ago and this was some sort of kismetic second chance to be with the person I'm meant to be with, (I know - a bit cheesy romantic movie-ish ).
This morning I get a message from B, telling me that he's ending our message chats because, "it's too personal and close to the bone", and "I should focus on my relationship and he should focus on meeting someone because he wants a relationship".
What do you think? Has he tired of our chats and is just being polite to get rid of me, or has he developed feelings and is, (either deliberately or subconsciously), trying to push me to make a choice, or is his conscience bothering him because I have a partner? I messaged him back and said "OK" and asked if he would like me to contact him if I become single again, but he'd already blocked me. I feel bereft, and a little bit heartbroken - which is ridiculous because I haven't even clapped eyes on him for four years! No man has had this kind of impact on me for a very long time.
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Old 15th February 2019, 1:30 AM   #2
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Hey Ms Jayne,

He seems pretty honest about wanting a relationship now even if that's not the impression either initially gave or you initially got - whichever the case may be.

Either way, he - fairly, I might add - wants to pursue someone fully available to enter a relationship. He might have given some thought to either not wanting to feel like your plan B, or unwilling to wait for you to monkey branch his way. Blocking you is definitely not his way of making you sh*t or get off the pot. He's probably genuinely done with it until circumstances bring you in touch again.

Whatever the case, I think you owe it to yourself and your current partner to see that through till it's logical conclusion - either improving it or ending it.

Personal question, but are you afraid to have no one in your life during the search for the one you're supposed to be with?
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Old 15th February 2019, 1:41 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emeraldgreen View Post
Hey Ms Jayne,

He seems pretty honest about wanting a relationship now even if that's not the impression either initially gave or you initially got - whichever the case may be.

Either way, he - fairly, I might add - wants to pursue someone fully available to enter a relationship. He might have given some thought to either not wanting to feel like your plan B, or unwilling to wait for you to monkey branch his way. Blocking you is definitely not his way of making you sh*t or get off the pot. He's probably genuinely done with it until circumstances bring you in touch again.

Whatever the case, I think you owe it to yourself and your current partner to see that through till it's logical conclusion - either improving it or ending it.

Personal question, but are you afraid to have no one in your life during the search for the one you're supposed to be with?
Hey Emerald,
No, not afraid of being on my own. I've spent many years single during my life, it's not an issue. It's more to do with dithering over throwing away something which, though not my dream relationship, does have it's good points. There is one major bugbear in it that I won't bore you with, but I don't expect a perfect idyll. I think I'm just a silly romantic who's worried that Prince Charming might be riding on by
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Old 16th February 2019, 12:47 PM   #4
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Quite honestly, it simply sounds like he wants something more authentic than sneaking around with someone whose already IN a relationship and hasn't done anything to get OUT of it. Not everyone feels good about being complicit in the ending of another relationship - which is basically what he would be doing. He'd be waiting in the shadows while you broke up with your partner - and you'd be doing it to be with him.

It just sounds as though he has better values and would rather start a relationship based on honestly and integrity. You really can't fault him for that.
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Old 17th February 2019, 2:50 PM   #5
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Dear MsJayne, in my opinion, you should take a step back and reconsider your current relationship. You've described it as OK-ish. Do you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with your current partner? Because if the answer is no, you're wasting your time and energy on trying to make it work out, and if I was you, I would break up and try to pursue a new relationship which might turn out to be the one you've always needed. Life is short. You might regret staying with your current partner.
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Old 19th February 2019, 1:21 AM   #6
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He reached out after four years just to...do what? He wants attention. He admitted he is lonely...stay away from this dude! The past is the past. He isn't going anywhere anytime soon...lonely is hardly an attractive state of being for meeting a life partner...just saying. Plus it made you trip now on what to do...uh-uh. He's so wrong for that. Immature if you ask me.
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Old 22nd February 2019, 6:12 AM   #7
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I think it's you who need to do some introspection. Figure out what you really want in life and where you need to invest your time and effort. Life is too short for this.
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