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In love with my best friend 💔 (who’s proposing soon)


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Hey everyone,

I’m sure this topic must come quite often but here we are.

 

I became friends with Matt Years ago, we connected straight away and the first time we met he did mentioned he had a long term girlfriend. Great nothing wrong there. We are friends!

 

Fast forwards 2 months later and we are at a party, drunk he kisses me. I push him away as he has a gf and I didn’t want him make a mistake. We are friends!

 

Another party same thing and this 3/4 times and every time I will send him home.

Now each times this happened we blamed it on alcohol and just brush it off. I kept telling myself that it was just a crush. �� We are friends!

 

One weekend he mentioned that he put a deposit on a flat and obviously will move in with his gf and propose to her. I felt a little knot in my throat but as usual I swallow it because yes... We are friends!

 

We go to a party last night with friends and There completely drunk he tells me he’s inlove with me. And that I came into his life like a car crash and he didn’t know what to do because he needs to get married to his current girl. We argue as we say that we are never going to see each other again, we dance, we kiss, we cry, we hold each other. A proper drama film scene in the middle of the club!

Anyway after all of that I flew the club with another guy, I just needed to you know have the famous “numbing meaningless sex” with someone else. Well that worked out well,waking up in someone’s else bed in tears... thinking about Matt.

 

I messaged him to tell him to stop telling me “things like that” if he wanted to remain friends and he apologies.

 

The thing is now I feel it’s more than a crush... After months of trying not to fall for him here I am on a love forum... catching feelings..

 

I know he’s never going to leave his girlfriend for me, I’ will never ask him to do so.. but what would you do?! Shall I never see him again? Shall I wait that the love goes? Shall I just tell him? Shall I give him an ultimatum and get hurt?

Edited by Pancake87
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Why does he say he needs to get married to his girlfriend? What is his reason?

 

Please stay away from this guy. He is a hot mess.

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Why does he say he needs to get married to his girlfriend? What is his reason?

 

Please stay away from this guy. He is a hot mess.

 

I guess they have been together for a looonnggggg time. Perhaps that’s why.

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Well if he does follow through the marriage will be a disaster. He already has wandering eyes.

 

How old are you guys?

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Okay. He has hit on you multiple times while having a girlfriend, and you responded as you should. Now, if you were his girlfriend, wouldn't you be afraid he'd be hitting on other women as well? Do you see the fly in his ointment? Okay, bad analogy.

 

Does he or does he not know that the reason you have never said yes is because he was already committed and you don't want to "win" a cheater? If not, you should tell him that now. If you have never made that clear to him, that perhaps if he didn't have a girlfriend, you would go out with him, but that the whole time you'd be cognizant of the fact he was trying to cheat while supposedly committed to her, then maybe you should. I suspect since you say you both got teary that he DOES know that at any point he could have broken up with her and dated you. In which case, he chose her.

 

I just think he wants TWO.

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Well if he does follow through the marriage will be a disaster. He already has wandering eyes.

 

How old are you guys?

 

 

 

 

We are both in our early 30s.

 

I get what you say. And everyone around me also tells me that even though he wouldn’t get married and we would end up together, this story will never work as I would have trust issues my turn to.. which it probably true..

 

I guess I’ll just have to wait that those feelings fade-away :confused:

 

I just never felt like that about someone before..

How is this even possible I’m a wall usually!

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Okay. He has hit on you multiple times while having a girlfriend, and you responded as you should. Now, if you were his girlfriend, wouldn't you be afraid he'd be hitting on other women as well? Do you see the fly in his ointment? Okay, bad analogy.

 

Does he or does he not know that the reason you have never said yes is because he was already committed and you don't want to "win" a cheater? If not, you should tell him that now. If you have never made that clear to him, that perhaps if he didn't have a girlfriend, you would go out with him, but that the whole time you'd be cognizant of the fact he was trying to cheat while supposedly committed to her, then maybe you should. I suspect since you say you both got teary that he DOES know that at any point he could have broken up with her and dated you. In which case, he chose her.

 

I just think he wants TWO.

 

Great analogy! I would definitely have no trust in him at all. And I’m sure he would done the same to me as he did to her...

 

I think you are right, he just want both the cake and eat it.

I guess sometimes there is a bad timing and consequences and people. Hopefully Time will tell and I will read this thread back happy that I moved on :)

 

It’s just ****ty how you cannot sometimes control who you fall for.

Edited by Pancake87
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You know what really anit me though.

 

This morning after I told him to stop saying all those emotional things to me. One of his answer was.

 

« I cannot remember what I said to you I was drunk...” come on!!!

 

Does alcohol affect you so much?

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I know for certain that I have no interest dating a man who has no self control when he’s drinking or dating a man who only tells me that he loves me when he is drinking...

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I know for certain that I have no interest dating a man who has no self control when he’s drinking or dating a man who only tells me that he loves me when he is drinking...

 

There is feelings there on both sides but I guess you are right. Maybe the alcohol is just an excuse maybe it helps who knows..

 

I just wish I can move on smoothly.

 

Cut all contacts?

Stay friends?

 

I don’t even know what’s the right thing there..

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Cutting all contact is the best way to move on. It's hard but being friends won't help you find someone more worthy of your time. It can hold you back.

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You have to cut most contact to protect yourself. He's a cad.. . kissing you & pouring your heart out while living with her then lying & saying he doesn't remember because he was drunk. Even if he does pick you over her you haven't exactly gotten a prize here.

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You have to cut most contact to protect yourself. He's a cad.. . kissing you & pouring your heart out while living with her then lying & saying he doesn't remember because he was drunk. Even if he does pick you over her you haven't exactly gotten a prize here.

 

No, you most certainly have not.

 

I think the previous poster asked about your age because the whole thing sounds rather like high school drama. It’s time to move on...

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I agree with you all.

 

Time to move on and cut it short.

 

It does sounds like a high school drama and as an independent professional successful in my field, I feel like an immature idiot for being in this situation and asking other for points of views. I always focused on work and family and friends and never let ''my feelings'' go and when they do it looks like an episode of GLEE (with the singing, the dancing and everything) :rolleyes:

 

 

Just a brief silly episode in my love life. Back to focus on work!

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Just a brief silly episode in my love life. Back to focus on work!

 

Relationships are important and also worth pursuing.

 

You just have to pick your partner wisely. :D

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Great analogy! I would definitely have no trust in him at all. And I’m sure he would done the same to me as he did to her...

 

I think you are right, he just want both the cake and eat it.

I guess sometimes there is a bad timing and consequences and people. Hopefully Time will tell and I will read this thread back happy that I moved on :)

 

It’s just ****ty how you cannot sometimes control who you fall for.

 

It is a drag. But that's who he is. It's one of those "it is what it is" things. It sucks to get great attention from someone who then goes home to their serious girlfriend. It's disrespectful and uncaring at the root of it, so just remember that. If he'd wanted you more, he could have switched off, but then you'd still have to worry that he's still looking and flirting, so....dead end road.

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There is feelings there on both sides but I guess you are right. Maybe the alcohol is just an excuse maybe it helps who knows..

 

I just wish I can move on smoothly.

 

Cut all contacts?

Stay friends?

 

I don’t even know what’s the right thing there..

 

Hey, listen, alcohol isn't a great excuse. After 40 years, my ex, when I was out with him and another guy and my ex's wife, got drunk enough to get teary and start trying to take my hand over the table. I ignored him and it made me mad he still tries to do that, because it's a pattern with him and I know that he's really doing it for self-validation, not because he wants me, because we've traveled that road many a time.

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Relationships are important and also worth pursuing.

 

You just have to pick your partner wisely. :D

 

Indeed. Well let’s see what the future has to offer. In mtge meantime I have a collection of romantic movies, wine and chocolates;)

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Hey, listen, alcohol isn't a great excuse. After 40 years, my ex, when I was out with him and another guy and my ex's wife, got drunk enough to get teary and start trying to take my hand over the table. I ignored him and it made me mad he still tries to do that, because it's a pattern with him and I know that he's really doing it for self-validation, not because he wants me, because we've traveled that road many a time.

 

It seems like alcohol + bad love = disasters :confused:

 

I admire the fact that you see and understand the pattern and deal with it in such a detached manner. That’s a sign of a strong character!

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Indeed. Well let’s see what the future has to offer. In mtge meantime I have a collection of romantic movies, wine and chocolates;)

 

That is always good... ;)

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The “I was drunk and can’t remember” routine of his is not only boring and lame, but really spineless. If he was as nuts about you as he says, he would’ve left his gf a long time ago. And no one HAS to marry anyone in this day and age in a civilized society. He’s got one excuse after another. The truth is, he’s either too gutless to call it off with his gf, or she comes from money and he doesn’t want to let go of that. Either way, he’ll be cheating on his wife.

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If he had proclaimed his love for you JUST ONCE when he was sober, Id take it a lot more seriously. Its entirely possible that he barely remembers what he is doing, if he's getting that drunk. Thats why drunk drivers get in wrecks all they time, they dont know what they are doing.

 

Unless he tells you he loves you while sober, I wouldnt take a lot of stock in it.

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It’s interesting to see both sides of the views here.

 

Some ppl will say “vino véritas” truth comes out drunk.

Others “a drunk doesn’t know what he’s doing”

 

What about if it is a repeat situation? As soon as drunk: the L word drops?

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He sounds like an immature manchild and for that reason it's hard to take anything he says seriously. (Who in their 30s goes clubbing and gets drunk on a regular basis?) He likely wants to get into your pants but that doesn't mean he doesn't love his girlfriend. If he's choosing to marry her rather than break up, it's because on some level he ultimately wants to be with her. Wanting to sleep with you too is not an either/or thing.

 

What kind of a guy only says "I love you" when he's drunk and doesn't have the nerve to take action to actually be with you? If you truly loved someone, why wouldn't you move heaven and earth to be at their side? When actions and words are inconsistent, you have to go with actions, and all of his actions are saying he doesn't want to make you a priority in his life. That's reason enough to put an end to this.

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