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In love with my best friend 💔 (whos proposing soon)


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 3rd February 2019, 8:40 PM   #1
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Question In love with my best friend 💔 (whos proposing soon)

Hey everyone,
I’m sure this topic must come quite often but here we are.

I became friends with Matt Years ago, we connected straight away and the first time we met he did mentioned he had a long term girlfriend. Great nothing wrong there. We are friends!

Fast forwards 2 months later and we are at a party, drunk he kisses me. I push him away as he has a gf and I didn’t want him make a mistake. We are friends!

Another party same thing and this 3/4 times and every time I will send him home.
Now each times this happened we blamed it on alcohol and just brush it off. I kept telling myself that it was just a crush. �� We are friends!

One weekend he mentioned that he put a deposit on a flat and obviously will move in with his gf and propose to her. I felt a little knot in my throat but as usual I swallow it because yes... We are friends!

We go to a party last night with friends and There completely drunk he tells me he’s inlove with me. And that I came into his life like a car crash and he didn’t know what to do because he needs to get married to his current girl. We argue as we say that we are never going to see each other again, we dance, we kiss, we cry, we hold each other. A proper drama film scene in the middle of the club!
Anyway after all of that I flew the club with another guy, I just needed to you know have the famous “numbing meaningless sex” with someone else. Well that worked out well,waking up in someone’s else bed in tears... thinking about Matt.

I messaged him to tell him to stop telling me “things like that” if he wanted to remain friends and he apologies.

The thing is now I feel it’s more than a crush... After months of trying not to fall for him here I am on a love forum... catching feelings..

I know he’s never going to leave his girlfriend for me, I’ will never ask him to do so.. but what would you do?! Shall I never see him again? Shall I wait that the love goes? Shall I just tell him? Shall I give him an ultimatum and get hurt?

Last edited by Pancake87; 3rd February 2019 at 8:45 PM..
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Old 3rd February 2019, 8:46 PM   #2
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Why does he say he needs to get married to his girlfriend? What is his reason?

Please stay away from this guy. He is a hot mess.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 8:50 PM   #3
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Why does he say he needs to get married to his girlfriend? What is his reason?

Please stay away from this guy. He is a hot mess.
I guess they have been together for a looonnggggg time. Perhaps thats why.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 8:55 PM   #4
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Well if he does follow through the marriage will be a disaster. He already has wandering eyes.

How old are you guys?
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Old 3rd February 2019, 9:00 PM   #5
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Okay. He has hit on you multiple times while having a girlfriend, and you responded as you should. Now, if you were his girlfriend, wouldn't you be afraid he'd be hitting on other women as well? Do you see the fly in his ointment? Okay, bad analogy.

Does he or does he not know that the reason you have never said yes is because he was already committed and you don't want to "win" a cheater? If not, you should tell him that now. If you have never made that clear to him, that perhaps if he didn't have a girlfriend, you would go out with him, but that the whole time you'd be cognizant of the fact he was trying to cheat while supposedly committed to her, then maybe you should. I suspect since you say you both got teary that he DOES know that at any point he could have broken up with her and dated you. In which case, he chose her.

I just think he wants TWO.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 9:04 PM   #6
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Well if he does follow through the marriage will be a disaster. He already has wandering eyes.

How old are you guys?



We are both in our early 30s.

I get what you say. And everyone around me also tells me that even though he wouldnt get married and we would end up together, this story will never work as I would have trust issues my turn to.. which it probably true..

I guess Ill just have to wait that those feelings fade-away

I just never felt like that about someone before..
How is this even possible Im a wall usually!
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Old 3rd February 2019, 9:10 PM   #7
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Okay. He has hit on you multiple times while having a girlfriend, and you responded as you should. Now, if you were his girlfriend, wouldn't you be afraid he'd be hitting on other women as well? Do you see the fly in his ointment? Okay, bad analogy.

Does he or does he not know that the reason you have never said yes is because he was already committed and you don't want to "win" a cheater? If not, you should tell him that now. If you have never made that clear to him, that perhaps if he didn't have a girlfriend, you would go out with him, but that the whole time you'd be cognizant of the fact he was trying to cheat while supposedly committed to her, then maybe you should. I suspect since you say you both got teary that he DOES know that at any point he could have broken up with her and dated you. In which case, he chose her.

I just think he wants TWO.
Great analogy! I would definitely have no trust in him at all. And I’m sure he would done the same to me as he did to her...

I think you are right, he just want both the cake and eat it.
I guess sometimes there is a bad timing and consequences and people. Hopefully Time will tell and I will read this thread back happy that I moved on

It’s just ****ty how you cannot sometimes control who you fall for.

Last edited by Pancake87; 3rd February 2019 at 9:14 PM..
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Old 3rd February 2019, 9:31 PM   #8
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You know what really anit me though.

This morning after I told him to stop saying all those emotional things to me. One of his answer was.

I cannot remember what I said to you I was drunk... come on!!!

Does alcohol affect you so much?
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Old 3rd February 2019, 9:54 PM   #9
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I know for certain that I have no interest dating a man who has no self control when hes drinking or dating a man who only tells me that he loves me when he is drinking...
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Old 3rd February 2019, 10:24 PM   #10
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I know for certain that I have no interest dating a man who has no self control when he’s drinking or dating a man who only tells me that he loves me when he is drinking...
There is feelings there on both sides but I guess you are right. Maybe the alcohol is just an excuse maybe it helps who knows..

I just wish I can move on smoothly.

Cut all contacts?
Stay friends?

I don’t even know what’s the right thing there..
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Old 3rd February 2019, 10:35 PM   #11
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Cutting all contact is the best way to move on. It's hard but being friends won't help you find someone more worthy of your time. It can hold you back.
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Old 4th February 2019, 9:56 AM   #12
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You have to cut most contact to protect yourself. He's a cad.. . kissing you & pouring your heart out while living with her then lying & saying he doesn't remember because he was drunk. Even if he does pick you over her you haven't exactly gotten a prize here.
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Old 4th February 2019, 10:22 AM   #13
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You have to cut most contact to protect yourself. He's a cad.. . kissing you & pouring your heart out while living with her then lying & saying he doesn't remember because he was drunk. Even if he does pick you over her you haven't exactly gotten a prize here.
No, you most certainly have not.

I think the previous poster asked about your age because the whole thing sounds rather like high school drama. Its time to move on...
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Old 4th February 2019, 2:19 PM   #14
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I agree with you all.

Time to move on and cut it short.

It does sounds like a high school drama and as an independent professional successful in my field, I feel like an immature idiot for being in this situation and asking other for points of views. I always focused on work and family and friends and never let ''my feelings'' go and when they do it looks like an episode of GLEE (with the singing, the dancing and everything)


Just a brief silly episode in my love life. Back to focus on work!
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Old 4th February 2019, 3:10 PM   #15
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Just a brief silly episode in my love life. Back to focus on work!
Relationships are important and also worth pursuing.

You just have to pick your partner wisely.
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