Guy colleague becoming close with me

[Vanilla_lady]

Hi there,

 

I'm hoping to ask your perspective on what's going on between me & a guy at work... We were always just normal colleagues, but recently something has shifted in our dynamics and we've become closer. I'm not sure if it's in a best friend / sister way or something more romantic? For context, he is a very friendly and popular person with a big heart and loads of integrity. And though we work in a very inappropriate / unprofessional work culture (constant banter, teasing and jokingly-flirtatious behaviour - between everyone) I get the hunch that there is some real chemistry between him and I.

 

His behaviours towards me are sometimes flirty, for example he jokingly glares at me while smiling a lot, cos he knows it will get a reaction out of me, I always laugh or get embarassed with a smile. Sometimes he seems to treat me more like a sister, like ruffling up my hair in an affectionate way when walking past / saying goodbye. Sometimes he slaps me on shoulder in a 'bro' kinda way, or pretends to trip me over / kick my heels for fun. Not sure why, I assume it's just to get a little reaction / smile out of me I think...?

 

Also, as he is a Manager, I once confided in him about a creepy / inappropriate guy at work. He took it very seriously, was protective of me and offered to confront the guy on my behalf. Every time we go for a work event, he wants me to feel comfortable and have a good time, reassuring me that he is watching out for any creepy behaviour from that guy.

 

He frequently teases me (most of my workmates do - maybe I have a cute personality that's easy to tease). He is super comfortable around me, sometimes looks at me with an adoring look in his eyes and smiles and holds eye contact. While texting after a night out with work friends, he sent me ? and ? emoticons. (Which I think he also sends to the other girl we work with, and possibly meant it in a friendly / caring way, so not sure if I should read into that...)

 

Our friendship deepened when he randomly confided in me about his personal issues - for the first time. He was nervous and pacing as he was opening up... We talked non stop, jumping between multiple topics. He told me he's respected me for a long time. And said that he trusts me the most, and that I'm his "favourite person" in this workplace. He also said "you're too good for this job, I don't know why you're staying" (which is true, I am overqualified). And because he opened up to me, I also opened up to him about a personal struggle, and he said "you know you're strong". He said it smiling, in such a matter of fact way, like he knows me deeper than I realised...

 

So I'm confused by mixed behaviours but I kinda feel like he likes me. But after Googling the indicators of flirting, he doesn't ask me many questions about my life or love life, and doesn't touch much at all. He only ever looks in the eyes - never at bodies. He is all about respect.

 

With all of that considered, do you think he is just exhibiting typical behaviours of a friendly guy with a big heart, or are we becoming something more than friends?Thanks in advance! And apologies for the long post haha. ?

[Garcon1986]

Welcome to LS! Go ahead and date him if you like. There's a lot of signs he is interested. Just beware of the consequences of workplace dating going sour if you really go for it.

[d0nnivain]

Honestly I have no idea. It could go either way.

 

Him being protective of you & quashing the creepy guy's behavior was his job though. Management is legally obligated to act so that is not evidence of a desire for romance.

 

For now assume friendship only unless & until he makes a move or asks you on a date.

[iVisa]

It's quite a hard question. I had one workmate who behaved in the same way. It turned out that he treats like that all friends and he is married now.

 

If you like him I think that you can ask him for a date, but maybe before it change workplace? It can be a bad atmosphere if something will go wrong.