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Going from Friends to Lovers


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 1st February 2019, 6:10 AM   #1
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Going from Friends to Lovers

I was talking to one of my married female friends about relationships. She thinks its better to be friends first and then become intimate.

In my mind. How would that be. I dated a woman in 2012. We are now friends. I don't feel super into her romantically anymore. Its funny how emotions are.

What has worked for you better. Friends to lovers or Lovers to Friends with the opposite sex.

For me. Friend denotes, no sexual fantasy about the other. No flirting and no fun to be honest. I can't imagine how I could turn my friend JC into a Girl friend. I just don't see how she would respond to that.

Anyways. What have you observed?
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Old 1st February 2019, 7:36 AM   #2
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Horses for courses. My best friend was friend with her husband before they became a thing. My husband and I were lovers first then became friends too.

There is no right or wrong.
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Old 1st February 2019, 12:18 PM   #3
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Little do people know, the only real distinction between friend and lover--when it comes to someone that you are already dating--is just what you want to call them. There may be emotional differences, but that is as far as the differences go. Friends before lover or lover before friends? Nah, just nitpicking to help people keep their interpersonal relationships organized.

In regards to someone that you have never dated before, though, then the approach does not matter. What matters is how you go about the method because you can ruin your friendship with someone because of how you acted during the dating just as easily as how you can ruin your relationship before you have a chance to become friends.
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Old 1st February 2019, 3:17 PM   #4
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I don't think there is any "correct" way for this to happen. You can make a friend with someone and then, eventually, get physical but realize you don't do it for each other in bed and remain friends. You can start out as a f**kbuddy then realize the two of you are compatible on a lot of levels, or not. So, I guess, two spheres there that sometimes match up and sometimes don't.

My wife and I agreed to be FWB when we first met through OLD. But we realized pretty quickly that we liked each other A LOT and had A LOT in common, especially when it came to our philosophies on how a life should be lived so we became more, then fell in love, then married. So it can happen! But don't count on it!
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Old 1st February 2019, 3:22 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I was talking to one of my married female friends about relationships. She thinks its better to be friends first and then become intimate.
She is wrong. It rarely if ever works that way. Lovers to friends works as long as they don't make enemies of each other in the process. But friends to lovers happens so rarely that the percentage is probably single digits or less. It is just one of those things that sounds good in stupid Hollywood movies.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 7:07 AM   #6
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I think that friends to a lover can be a good way to build a good relationship but only good. I can't believe that people are just friends and suddenly big chemistry will go... and for me chemistry is necessary.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 7:44 AM   #7
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There is a big difference between meeting someone as a friend and as time goes on you both realise there is more there and you become lovers, AND looking around your friends and assessing their suitability as dates as there is no-one else on the horizon.
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Old 3rd February 2019, 11:40 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by PRW View Post
She is wrong. It rarely if ever works that way. Lovers to friends works as long as they don't make enemies of each other in the process. But friends to lovers happens so rarely that the percentage is probably single digits or less. It is just one of those things that sounds good in stupid Hollywood movies.
I find being friends with a woman and then wanting to date is
like finding a unicorn. It is some b.s. made up by Hollywood and women
for their true love story.

If a woman is not attracted to you when you first meet then spending time together doing as friends is not going to change anything.
It is just not just going to happen later on that she is all of a sudden into you romantically...

I am speaking from experience when I was younger and seeing friends and other men try it also....

Complete and total b.s!!!
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Old 3rd February 2019, 2:04 PM   #9
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If a woman is not attracted to you when you first meet then spending time together doing as friends is not going to change anything.
I agree, it will only work if there is some sort of attraction in the first place, that perhaps due to circumstances is put on the back burner
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Old 21st February 2019, 1:14 AM   #10
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I think it's more of a context question: such as mind over matter...is that what you are talking about? If you are strictly looking for a friend first and the other person is of the same mind set and not in a big rush, then I believe it could be possible to be friends first.
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