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Friends with benefits/ “Best” friend/ Open Relationship


xdeadflowersx

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xdeadflowersx

I don’t know where to start with this but it has been bugging me and some advice would be very much appreciated...

 

So, I started talking to this guy well over a year ago and he told me he was in an open relationship that his gf had decided she wanted.

 

He also told me he has not slept nor done anything with her in forever. And she said it was fine for him to hook up with any girl as long as she was told.

 

So, he told me from the start it would just be a hook up...

 

Well, he wanted it labeled as friends with benefits...

 

So, we hooked up and since before that and after (still to this day) we talk almost constantly as his gf barely speaks to him or hangs with him even when he visits her or they travel together (****ed up right?)

 

Anyway, I got really angry one night over something on a different topic then he told me he felt guilty that we hooked up and wanted to just he friends. This made me instantly think he never told her that he flew across the globe to hook up. I threatened to tell her, but didn’t however, he freaked and told her...

 

She was pissed because he didn’t tell her this before hand, according to him she said if he remains my friend there would be a cost. Being the nieve guy he is he thought this meant an expensive trip. To which I laughed at him.

 

Anyway, we decided to stay friends because he had a breakdown over the phone, cried his eyes out and labled me as his “best” friend. Out of the blue...

 

Now he wonders why I act weird when we talk because he decided just to be friends. However, he still acts... interested and talks to le constantly and gets upset if I don’t engage. I guess I am confused...

 

Another thing about their so called “broken” relationship is she wants kids, he does not, this is what drew him towards me in the first place.

 

So what the hell does he want from me? I like him more than a friend and he thought he liked me that way but he feels “guilty” and I kept explaining to him what an actual open relationship is but he seems so disconnected with everything. Am I just on the backburner? It feels that way. Tonight I didn’t act interested in talking to him and he kept telling me how much he “appreciates” me. It’s clear he doesn’t get what he needs from his gf and thats why he engages me.... ideas??? (Sorry if there are any typos, I am typing this out fast on my phone).

 

Please help. Anything will do.

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Look you need to cut this guy off. He will never provide what you are looking for, and it will just hurt you more and more.

 

Time to cut the cord, and find someone who is in a position to reciprocate your feelings. ie. someone single.

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xdeadflowersx

Thanks for your response. It makes me sad because I know he os being used by her in ways one shouldn’t be used. He is a public figure and has flight benefits so naturally as she is his gf he put her name down so she can fly for nothing.

 

When they travel anywhere (together) she stays in the hotel and he goes to get her food... they... rarely talk. Why is she with him if he doesn’t want kids... she is getting a free ride... that is what upsets me and I told him this but he hasn’t really had any propery relationships in his life and he is affraid of ending up alone. I am finding it hard to not be there for him. Do you see why this pisses me off?

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You don't really know what's going on between them. You only hear his side of the story, his representations. Even if you occasionally witness their interactions (or lack thereof) you only see a tiny part of the picture.

 

He's a big boy. If she's being unloving to him or treating him unfairly then he can end it. It appears you would be there for him if he decided to choose you - so his being afraid to end up alone isn't a good explanation.

 

All you need to worry about is how YOU are being treated. There's an argument to be made that YOU are the one being used for whatever he wants at the moment - whether that be FWB or just friends.

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xdeadflowersx

Actually, no. I wouldn’t be anymore than a friend, we are too different. He has abandonment issues. He states she doesn’t love him nor does anyone and yet, he won’t ditch her... i think it’s because she is a bit too good looking for him and I think he doubts he’ll find any better. Either way, I am considering not even being his friend anymore because he constantly needs attention and I don’t think he needs it from a “friend”. I am just trying to find an easy way out...

Hopefully one day he’ll realize the gal that bailed actually cared and gave him the time to listen and be there for him.

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Drop the labels of "fwb" or "just friends"

 

You are, effectively, his mistress. And he isn't leaving his primary relationship to be with you.

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Mrs._December

You sound like EVERY SINGLE DUPED woman I've ever read about or heard about.

 

You fell for the oldest cliche cheater trick in the book - the old, "I'm in an open relationship and allowed to fool around/date on the side as long as my wife/girlfriend knows." This fool sweetened the pot, however, with even MORE cliche cheater lies about how he hasn't slept with his girlfriend in years. Jeez, how original. You'd think these sleazy con men would come up with something a little more original but then again, I see it's STILL working on women, so I guess they'll continue using it.

 

If you had any idea how many men lie and tell women this same load of steaming manure in order to get in their pants, you'd be shocked and want to kick yourself for actually falling for it. Your story is as cliche as it gets.

 

The guy sold you a bill of goods to get in your pants. Period. I'm willing to bet anything his girlfriend has NO idea she's supposedly in an 'open relationship' and the only reason she knows about you at all is because this lying con man was forced to tell her because he was afraid you'd beat him to it. But I can guarantee you that he likely told her YOU pursued him, you're a stalker, he told her that he couldn't give a rat's ass about you and has no feelings for you, the sex with you was bad, and it only happened once or twice.

 

That's the standard cheater story when they're caught with their pants down.

 

All this woman knows is that her lying boyfriend cheated on her and she wants it to stop.

 

What you don't realize is that you're ONLY getting your information from a lying sleazeball whose first responsibility is to cover his OWN hide. Not yours. Not his girlfriends', but his own. And he'll lie his fool head off in order to do it, even acting all naive so you actually believe his bull**** story.

 

You want the TRUTH? Get in contact with his girlfriend. But be prepared to earn about what a lying low life this guy is and how he's completely bamboozled you from day #1.

 

Do it. Contact her and do NOT tell him before you do it. You'll see I'm right.

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