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How to progress from FWB to dating


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Hi!

 

Long story short me and this girl in my close group of friends have been hooking up for what seems like forever. Its been around 4 months. A couple of days ago I just had to let it out and see what we thought of each other.

 

I started by asking hypothetically how she would feel if I brought a different girl around which she said if the girl made me happy she would be ok with it but secretly really jealous and not that cool with it.

 

I then said it seems like we kind of like each other and that was pretty much exactly what i wanted to hear but she just ghosted me.... I'm more confused than at the start of the conversation. All i want to know is where we stand but shes not that open about it. She acts like she likes me but when conversations like this arise it seems like shes into it but then all of a sudden she vanishes from the convo.

 

I'm usually pretty good at picking up if someone is/isnt into me but for some reason this girl is incredibly hard to read.

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FWB relationships rarely evolve into dating, in my experience. Next time, do the dating first. If nothing romantic develops and you both are attracted, maybe a FWB thing could work.

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Hi!

 

Long story short me and this girl in my close group of friends have been hooking up for what seems like forever. Its been around 4 months. A couple of days ago I just had to let it out and see what we thought of each other.

 

I started by asking hypothetically how she would feel if I brought a different girl around which she said if the girl made me happy she would be ok with it but secretly really jealous and not that cool with it.

 

I then said it seems like we kind of like each other and that was pretty much exactly what i wanted to hear but she just ghosted me.... I'm more confused than at the start of the conversation. All i want to know is where we stand but shes not that open about it. She acts like she likes me but when conversations like this arise it seems like shes into it but then all of a sudden she vanishes from the convo.

 

I'm usually pretty good at picking up if someone is/isnt into me but for some reason this girl is incredibly hard to read.

 

 

First order of business is to simplify things. Do you want a relationship with her? If the answer is yes, then you need to talk to her immediately and be direct about it. Don't play games. No half-measures. Do it in person. If for some reason, you can't, then the phone is okay. Do NOT resort to messaging unless you have tried the other lines of communication. Go from there and see what she has to say. If she ghosts you after a conversation like that, you drop her. She's not serious and she's also disrespectful. Not worth your time.

 

Overall, FWB is dangerous play because both of you have not established boundaries since there's no relationship so neither she or you knows what is acceptable and not acceptable. You don't know what you are. Anything goes and most often than not, someone gets hurt because imbalanced expectations, wants, needs. Someone always ends up wanting something more than the other eventually but pride or ego or fear can get in the way of communicating it and it can get real messy.

 

From my experiences, if you want to keep your life as simple as possible, know what you want and stick to it.

Edited by Beachead
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Is she ghosting you because of jealousy?

 

Is it possible she wanted the same thing as you at that moment? Stating that you are thinking of hanging out with another girl but then telling this one that you like her..It probabbly will not make sense to her.

 

When she admited that she would be ok with your other FWB, but not really and a little bit jealous..That might have been a good time to make a move.

 

Tough one, good luck.

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Long story short me and this girl in my close group of friends have been hooking up for what seems like forever. Its been around 4 months. A couple of days ago I just had to let it out and see what we thought of each other.
FWB tends to be a dead end. It has the same problem that "just being friends" has. As dating tends to degrade to "just friends",...also FWB tends to only degrade to "just friends" (or worse, enemies). Then just as being "just friends" rarely ever upgrades to Dating,...FWB is usually the same way. There is probably a similar connection to couples moving in together, which often never upgrades to marriage.
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I started by asking hypothetically how she would feel if I brought a different girl around which she said if the girl made me happy she would be ok with it but secretly really jealous and not that cool with it.

I know it was not your intention but you basically told her you wanted someone else or a threesome, then you apparently "corrected" yourself when she said she would be jealous.

She was not happy as I guess she does like you, so ghosted you.

 

Bad, bad move, what on earth made you say that?

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Because you are catching feelings the "benefits" have to stop. It would be cruel of her to continue having sex with you if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

Your best bet, straight up ask her out. It probably will not turn into a relationship because most times when a woman is open to FWB with a guy it's because while she finds him hot enough to sleep with, there is something else lacking that make him not BF-material in her eyes.

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Oh no! You just shot yourself in the foot. After a question like that, it's no surprise she walked away from you.

 

If there's any hope in redeeming this, you need to contact her and tell you that you were an utter idiot. Tell her that what you really want is a relationship but your approach to the conversation was incredibly bad. Bad bad. If you are lucky, she may forgive you.

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I think OP mentioned another girl to test the waters.

 

 

I then said it seems like we kind of like each other and that was pretty much exactly what i wanted to hear but she just ghosted me.... I'm more confused than at the start of the conversation. All i want to know is where we stand but shes not that open about it.

 

OP she may or may not have feelings for you. Being direct is the good thing without dropping hints. But she is not that stupid not to pick up your hints if you two are not very young. She decided not to follow your hints.

 

She acts like she likes me but when conversations like this arise it seems like shes into it but then all of a sudden she vanishes from the convo.

 

She really likes sex and may be spending time with you. However IMO if a woman is interested in a relationship with her FWB she will be reading through every signal from him, looking for opportunity to have that conversation. She would at least try to take it from there if you signal anything. Instead she vanishes or keeps quiet. This is not a good sign.

 

What I feel is she doesn't want a relationship with you now for some reason. But she doesn't want to stop the benefits part as she likes doing it with you very much. That is why she vanish when you bring up the conversation. If she be direct with you that she doesn't want to date you, she will lose the benefits too.

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Tuborob - It is possible that your FWB has no problem expressing a desire for sex but has difficulty expressing a desire for a deeper relationship. This could be due to a bad prior relationship, or it could be due to the depersonalization of our technologically connected society. If you really want to take this to an exclusive relationship because you care for her personally, then try asking her out on a few dates, bring her flowers or take her to an event where sex will not be possible. I suppose that asking her to meet your parents would be going too far. If she reacts positively to this change in your relationship, then go for it; if not then move on.

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