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How to determine if my male roommate is romantically interested?


torturemebaby

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torturemebaby

I am having a lot of trouble figuring out if my male roommate is interested in me. I have had a small crush on him for awhile.

 

In the past few months we have gotten a lot closer with one another. We text constantly throughout the day, often he is the one initiating it. He will often make plans with me, whether that's asking me "what we're doing this weekend" or asking if I want to watch a movie he heard about on Netflix. He checks up on me every day, often to talk about things we were texting about. He shares with me when he's feeling stressed, and in general likes to share his thoughts with me.

 

He constantly teases me and tries to get a rise out of me. I'm not sure if he's flirting with me when he does these things, but he will often come up to me to pretend punch or playfully shove me. He always wants me to massage him. But other than that he keeps a reasonable distance. The other day I was in bed and he came and cuddled me for about 2 seconds- when I expressed "aw that's nice!" he immediately got up and left. However, when he is drunk he is much more open about his physical contact, but he easily could just be a drunk flirt so I don't know how seriously to take any of that. When we drink we often hold hands, dance close to one another, constantly make contact by brushing up our shoulders. On many occassions we have fallen asleep lying on top of one another on the couch, and he has given me many massages randomly.

 

DESPITE ALL THIS he mentioned once while drunk that he sees me the same way that he sees his other VERY platonic friend. He doesn't see her very often or talk to her at all, but it's clear he has no sexual attraction to her.

 

So it makes me think I'm looking way too far into his actions. I need to just believe him when he makes these comments, right?

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If he's done all these things with his other platonic friend, then likely he's not romantically interested.

 

 

If I were on the outside looking in at this, I would say that his actions mean he is very interested. How about trying the unconventional approach of when he is sober, asking him out on a date? Then you will know for sure.

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torturemebaby
If he's done all these things with his other platonic friend, then likely he's not romantically interested.

 

 

If I were on the outside looking in at this, I would say that his actions mean he is very interested. How about trying the unconventional approach of when he is sober, asking him out on a date? Then you will know for sure.

 

I'm not entirely sure that he has done these things with his other friend. We have all only hung out together once before, we went out to a bar drinking together. From what I remember he wasn't super flirty with her, but I was also keeping my distance so I didn't witness all of their interactions.

 

He is the same amount of flirty with our other roommate, though. And he expressed to her about half a year ago, drunkenly, that he had feelings for her, but she shot him down. They continued to flirt with one another regardless, and about a month ago they got drunk and made out. She once again shot him down by basically saying she never wanted to talk about what happened.

 

I tried to bring this up with him by asking him about his feelings for her, but he told me he only wanted to sleep with her. I didn't really believe it.

 

I think even if he did have feelings for me, I'd always feel like I was the consolation prize.

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Indeed that's a very understandable way to think. The safest approach here is to go for a different lad on your own, so you can separate yourself from all the mixed emotions. No issue with mixed messages if you can start from a clean slate.

 

 

The easiest way to sort out if he thinks you are a "consolation prize" is to find out over the next few meetings, his feelings about dating you. You are on pretty good terms so, I think its feasible to find out early, and then either have a great result, or separate from him early without the burden of being emotionally strung along. Let us help you with the hidden signals if you choose to go this method.

 

 

It's doable, you can do it! Sending you lots of encouragement.

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If he's said he sees you like his other platonic friend, he doesn't see you as a romantic interest. That doesn't mean he wouldn't give in to sex, which would then be a mistake if he wanted nothing more.

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torturemebaby
If he's said he sees you like his other platonic friend, he doesn't see you as a romantic interest. That doesn't mean he wouldn't give in to sex, which would then be a mistake if he wanted nothing more.

 

Yes, I think I'm trying to figure out if a guy would ever say something like this without whole heartedly meaning it.

 

He seems insecure, like the kind of guy who would shoot himself in the own foot and say something to avoid rejection. But of course that's probably just wishful thinking on my part.

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Invite him, after you've both had a few drinks, to watch a movie with you in bed. If he agrees and you feel his erection, do what comes naturally. Hey, it worked for me ;)

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torturemebaby
Invite him, after you've both had a few drinks, to watch a movie with you in bed. If he agrees and you feel his erection, do what comes naturally. Hey, it worked for me ;)

 

Haha so. Something like this almost happened a year ago when we first started getting to know eachother. I was cuddling him on the couch and I sort of unknowingly gave him an erection.. and because I was so awkward I started to laugh, and told him he could go back to his room.

 

He did just that. And it was.. a bit awkward between us after that for awhile. I would've been okay if things had gone further, but alas I have inappropriate reactions to things.

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The other day I was in bed and he came and cuddled me for about 2 seconds- when I expressed "aw that's nice!" he immediately got up and left. However, when he is drunk he is much more open about his physical contact, but he easily could just be a drunk flirt so I don't know how seriously to take any of that. When we drink we often hold hands, dance close to one another, constantly make contact by brushing up our shoulders. On many occassions we have fallen asleep lying on top of one another on the couch, and he has given me many massages randomly.

 

 

I think he's smitten, but closed off emotionally and afraid to turn it into more than what it is. Right now he has many of the benefits of a girlfriend without having to deal with the vulnerability. Part of that is the fear of rejection, which would be both devastating to his ego and potentially cost him the wonderful relationship that you now have, which I'm sure he values. What you have with him now is safe. He's choosing to protect the safety, along with his heart and ego, by avoiding the big risk.

 

So I think you have to be the one to move it forward. You have to convince him that there is no risk and all he has to do is accept you and acknowledge his feelings. Take it slow so as not to shock him. Be more overtly affectionate. Be vulnerable to him. Ask him to do things for you that you'd not allow anyone else to do. Try and escalate the touching and physicality... and after you've gently changed the status quo, kiss him or ask him to kiss you. If he balks, don't give up. Be confident and steady as if you know it's just a matter of time.

 

Wishing you the best!

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he must see you only with him, always ready for a cuddle, with no boyf, just him ok

 

do not ask him out, it is great in theory, but not very subtle

 

he will seduce you in his own good time, perhaps he likes the chase, seems like it...

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Look up avoidant attachment.

Sounds like he is one. If you want him walk up and kiss him or tell him to make a move or lose you, if he freaks out and walks away, he either isn’t interested and you Or, he is very avoidant and he may not be willing to admit to himself that he likes you or will even lie to you because he can’t cope with the idea of you rejecting him later.

 

Either way, expect a challenge. If he is avoidant be ready to have to tell him what you like, and reassure him frequently! Do not expect him to take a lot of risks as he gets closer to you because the fear of loss will get stronger the more he loves you. If you don’t like things he does, realize that you will will need to be careful about criticizing him.

 

You have to ask yourself why haven’t you said anything about how you feel.

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I mean, do you need a roommate or a boyfriend worse? Because it could get messy if either of you rejects the other or doesn't reject but then just says "Oh, I'm not interested in a relationship" or "You're not my usual type." There's a billion other guys on the planet, literally, so maybe go after one that won't ruin your living arrangement.

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Is he Gay?

 

Does he think you're Gay?

 

 

If no to both, then trust me he's interested.

 

Problem you've got is judging the level of interest. So you need to decide what your level of interest is first. Do you just want to jump him a few times, FWB, or something more serious?

Figure that out, then ask yourself if its worth the risk.

If so, just start acting on your feelings. Call him pet names, kiss him if you feel like it. He sounds a little uptight and inhibited, so you may have to chip away at his shell.

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Is he dating? I mean, if he's up for even sex, he'll be at least dating some. If he's not, maybe he's too scared to date.

 

I will say that I dated a gay guy who always used to demand back rubs and that was IT. He didn't want to believe he was gay yet.

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torturemebaby

He is definitely not gay. He was in a long term relationship that ended several years ago and has been timid about dating since.

 

I have been trying to subtley flirt with him more, and he's been responding positively. But it doesn't really tell me if he likes me enough to date or if he just likes the attention. I don't want to just be the convenient friend.

 

He has also said to me when I asked him to stop mimicking me that he does this "to all his friends"

Yet he also made a joke the other day that we were like a married couple. And he was playfully pulling my ear and said that he used to do that to his ex girlfriend.

 

Part of me truly think's that his throwing the friend comment out is to keep it safe for him to flirt. But I don't want to be like every other foolish girl that ignores the important signs and pays attention to the wrong ones.

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Sounds like the inverse of friends with benefits... you are more than friends, but no benefits, I dunno, but maybe it’s time to just ask him if he knows what he wants or if he’s afraid or something.

 

Or you could start before being a bit coy or hard to get. Maybe he needs a challenge? As long as you are not angry or mean it could be fun.

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TortureMeBaby,

 

 

I was in a similar situation some time ago. A dear friend of mine's apartment burned down and having the extra rooms I offered her my place until she got on her feet. We had never seen each other as anything other than friends, until she began walking around in her underwear while watching TV next to me.

 

I began to wonder if there was something there, but had no clue how to approach it. A couple weeks down the line, I decided I would test it. I jumped in the shower and left the door wide open. I caught her looking and asked if she liked what she saw. Before she could answer, I told her to join me and that turned into a fun relationship. Both of us had been afraid to cross the line as we didn't know how the other would react.

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