In love with best friend of many years

[Teeswee]

My best friend is a girl I met online when I was maybe 15 and I've loved her almost the entire time. We message regularly, when we were younger we'd send eachother letters, pictures and paintings, we'd made and had a marriage pact for if we were single at 30 (which we've both hit now). She's called me for help in a situation where any of her RL friends would be better positioned to help than me.

 

When we were younger I think she felt something romantic for me as well but with the distance and our age a real relationship wasn't realistic. I always hoped when we were a bit older and wiser we might get our chance. We've both had long term relationships with other people which often overlap and that moment has never really come. It also makes it difficult to approach because I wouldn't want to stir up trouble in her relationships by being this weird internet friend that tells her he loves her, and if I'm in a relationship of my own then I'm not going to hit on anyone else and just try to tune all the feelings out.

 

When we've met up there's never been making out but we'd held hands and act more intimately than I ever would with a friend. Once a guy in a bar we were at pointed out how in love we looked and I know all I feel in her presence is electricity and butterflies.

 

I'm in a long term relationship now. For a few years of this relationship I didn't talk much to my friend; I had a lot stuff in my life that depressing me so I was shutting people out, but in this case it was also because I was trying to move past these feelings. Eventually she reached out to me (when her and her bf of over 5 years broke up), and we're talking again which is great but those feelings come right along with it. The fact she even reached out to me was enough to spark it.

 

She's the only person I've kept in regular contact with for that long, even including school/uni/work friends. Sometimes when we talk I have the urge to tell her how I feel. Given how we're pretty much opposite ends of the country, I'm in a loving relationship of my own and she's likely still getting her head around a huge breakup, I know this would be a rotten move. However if there was ever a chance anything could happen with her and I'm just letting it pass by, then why am I really even bothering to exist, whose story am I living anymore if I just have to suppress and ignore the most real feeling I've had for someone?

[preraph]

Why don't you just tell her you're happy in your relationship right now but that you think of her and hope the timing works out one day for you two to be in the same location and really date and see where things go. Fact is, if neither of you are moving to be together, it can't happen, so there has to be one of you willing to uproot.

[Noproblem]

If you love your friend you should confess.

 

You will either get rejected and the friendship might or might not go on.

 

Or you will get her confession as well and you two can think of a way of being together.

 

However, don't ever confess before ending your current relationship because it's unfair and cheating to confess to someone eles while you are still in a relationship.