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Ex..Friend..Platonic..10 yrs


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OK so the title says a lot I dated this girl in college, 10 years ago. I broke up with her after a year, we talked for a little while and were in NC for like 6+ years. She viewed my dating profile and I reached out to her on facebook.

 

She put up every wall under the sun but would stay in contact, after 5 months she reached out asking to meet up. We went out by ourselves 5 times, which she was ok with as long as things stayed platonic.

 

Well the 5th time I attempted to kiss her and got an earful, we didn't talk for a month even though I asked for an opportunity to apologize and explain myself. Eventually she reached out and we went another 1.5 months without talking after until she reached out again.

 

We've gone out 3 times since then by ourselves. Once she invited me to go clubbing and spent the night at my place just cuddled. Then we hung out at her place again spent the night in a "platonic" way. Then we went out with a group of my friends and she spent the night at my house I had to work in the morning and dropped her off at her place. We were downtown she was flirting with me and talking about her tongue, but we were still doing our own things hitting on other people drinking etc...but kinda knew we'd both end up back where we started.

 

After I drop her off she texts me and says thanks for the ride and that we both have cute butts. Haven't really heard from her since I texted her once about some stuff she told my friends basically giving her **** and she responded immediately.

 

I'm just confused shes been doing this push pull push pull for a few months now and keeps hinting at more. Should I try and make a move again, I've always been of the belief that if you make a move and get turned down its the other person's onus to make a move. I also feel like she has some weird internal debate raging in her head from the past and that I need to let it play out and let her come to me. That's the approach I've been going with and it has been working to an extent.

 

IDK I'm confused I've been getting signs from her since we started going out again earlier this year, but she sort of half commits to them.

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SouthernIslander

Keep the ball in her court. Considering the mixed signals, probably best to keep it very platonic, unless the interest is constant and clearly communicated.

 

The old cat/mouse game is immature anyway, so I wouldn’t engage.

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I haven't engaged...Haven't really engaged since she turned me down for a kiss idk 4 months ago...I've responded and played it cool and played it to my schedule and availability

 

Just annoying she's clearly interested, but she's acting uninterested when we aren't talking. Not sure how to engage her without "over engaging"

 

Its the old you chase the girl and the girl runs...so you sit and wait until she comes around, but you're not always available for when she hits you up.

 

She pretty much hits me up to hang out so I don't really talk to her outside of that because it starts to look a certain way...Idk dating in today's age of every action causes a reaction and every contact causes someone to think a certain way is incredibly childish and annoying...

 

I get what you're saying hang out wait, hang out wait, hang out wait...I've been doing that for a long time I want to move it past that moment. That can't really be done through text it has to be done in person. Text can set the stage, but I feel like its an uphill battle. I've been working on setting that stage for a few months

 

Personal opinion is to wait. wait. wait. Next time we hang out to escalate like its a date and then to dissipate like half way and see what happens. I just don't like it. I'm not a fan of mind games and bull ****. I've always been a person who is a straight shooter and that's who I am.

 

Like if you told me to do something just off the cuff...I'd hang out with her and if things didn't progress. I'd leave her a card that more or less said what I liked about her and why I enjoyed hanging out with her, but that I can't do it a platonic level. Except I'd make it a little more substantive as to why....while trying to make it seem like I want to get to know her on another level again as opposed to I'm obsessed please don't deny me.

 

I'm just a star crossed lover who got some bad advice when I was in college and was more or less told to break up with someone who I loved and start new. It was beat into my head by overbearing adults who think they know whats best for you. Trying to rebuild what was lost is a lost art. Trying to start something anew that was founded in the past is a possibility but it involves obstacles. I feel like all I do is run an obstacle course that I can't win at.

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