beyondcrushed Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 (edited) So I attempted to cross the line with a male friend at work who used to be my manager. For last few years, every indication from him is that he really likes me. We became close in the last year and we clearly have a connection. He shares confidential information and personal feelings with me, and shows me favouritism. He is kind and considerate. Goes out of his way to talk or be with me outside work- lunches and other events. He is not like this with anyone else except a couple male colleagues of mine. My gut tells me he likes me more than a friend. I fell for him and have been dying to find out if he is crushing on me but am afraid of ruining our friendship. Today we were at a non-work event with another couple from work. There was a moment where he touched my hand and let it linger longer than what would be normal in such a situation. After event, the other couple leaves, and he keeps talking to me about an issue for an unreasonable length of time - rehashing. I think he just wants to keep me there. I finally ask, do you want to go and talk somewhere longer. He declines and suggests maybe we should call it a night and go our separate ways. Then I ask if he’s sure (wink wink, nudge nudge). I think he caught on and was caught off guard and again declined. I said ok and said good night and extended my arms for a hug. We don’t really ever hug. We hug n I hug him longer. He hugs me then starts patting my back and says I’m an awesome person. I interpret his actions as, he likes me but doesn’t want to go ‘there’. I pull away and say goodnight and leave. I will wait for him to reach out to me but am afraid I ruined our friendship. Will he ever talk to me again? Did I ruin our friendship? Anyone else go through something similar and what happened? Edited August 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I think he cares about you but you may be misinterpreting his affection for you. If that is the extent of any intimate moments that the both of you have shared, you're living in a dangerous illusion and it's best that you snap out of it. You may put your job or career in jeopardy if you both still work together in any capacity and you might want to apologize to him the next time you see him if he acts differently around you and if he has any way of sabotaging your career (people can be unpredictable and always expect the worst when it comes to colleagues). He seems very platonic with you. I'd suggest you do what it takes to move on from this infatuation and limit the time you spend around him or speaking with him. If he wants to know why and really is as dead/clueless as a brass doorknob or puts you in an awkward position, play it off and simply distance yourself from him. You owe him nothing at this point. He's given you nothing that you want so call it even. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beyondcrushed Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 Great advice. Thank you so much. I think you are 100% right. Will do just as you suggest. Snap out of it. Distance myself. Apologize if needed. Thx again! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 If he doesn't have some feelings for you, then he shouldn't have touched your hand in such a way, and it seems odd that he went somewhere with you after work with another couple. Kind of sounds like a date. Regardless, let men make the decisions about where to take things in the beginning. Being too forward turns most men off. In this case, just act like your normal self and ignore what happened. If he sees you acting natural, it shouldn't ruin anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your interest was subtle enough not to compromise your friendship, but it was enough of an opening that he could have taken it further if he was interested. That's the frustrating part about crushing on someone. It is really hard to be objective about their intentions when they become overly friendly with you. It sounds like he isn't interested in taking it further than friendship, but he clearly thinks highly of you. That is why I don't think he is going to hold this against you. The only thing I would caution you about is to not interpret any future friendliness as encouragement. It might be better to keep him at a safe distance in case you become more attached. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 He's management. You are not. Even if you are no longer his direct report, there are lines that can't be crossed. He may have enjoyed the "innocent" flirtation with you but had zero interest in anything more. Since he backed off your plan to let this die is the best. Don't apologize. Pretend like it never happened. Talking about it will only make it worse. Spend less alone time with him. You will be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beyondcrushed Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 If he doesn't have some feelings for you, then he shouldn't have touched your hand in such a way, and it seems odd that he went somewhere with you after work with another couple. Kind of sounds like a date. Regardless, let men make the decisions about where to take things in the beginning. Being too forward turns most men off. In this case, just act like your normal self and ignore what happened. If he sees you acting natural, it shouldn't ruin anything. yes, some of his actions are odd. It's thrown me off, hence my predicament. Yes, I will act like nothing happened and we are platonic friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beyondcrushed Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your interest was subtle enough not to compromise your friendship, but it was enough of an opening that he could have taken it further if he was interested. That's the frustrating part about crushing on someone. It is really hard to be objective about their intentions when they become overly friendly with you. It sounds like he isn't interested in taking it further than friendship, but he clearly thinks highly of you. That is why I don't think he is going to hold this against you. The only thing I would caution you about is to not interpret any future friendliness as encouragement. It might be better to keep him at a safe distance in case you become more attached. Subtle is what I was aiming for lol. And its clear its strictly platonic. My crush definitely clouds my judgement of his actions. Like you, and other posters, have suggested, I will act normal while keeping a safe distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beyondcrushed Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 He texted me this morning. He never once brought up my actions. He talked to me like normal saying he enjoyed the event and will let go of that issue we talked about. I think he took my actions last night as completely innocent and platonic. Thank gawd. Phew! I will move forward strictly as friends, and keep a good distance, as needed. I agree, if he "likes" me, he just enjoys the friendship but doesn't want anything more. Thanks everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 For what is worth, I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. I hope someone special comes along for you soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author beyondcrushed Posted August 25, 2018 Author Share Posted August 25, 2018 (edited) Aw, thanks for your kind wishes:). I am actually glad. Now I can move on and enjoy our friendship fully, instead of the weirdness and wondering. Edited August 25, 2018 by beyondcrushed Link to post Share on other sites
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