Isn’t my FWB attracted to me that much?

[kamani]

I am in an open marriage. We have some issues sexually but we love each other very much.

 

From about 5 months I was seeing an FWB. We don’t meet outside bedroom. I always wanted to do it once a week, I have told him but all what I got is 2-3 times per month. I was more invested clearly. Not much talk, but sexting. Fine for me.

 

About 2 months ago, while sexting , my FWB was extremely horny and he hinted about being together . Later day, he hinted about going out shopping with me to get me some sexy lingerie. I didn’t want either of it, neither his actions matched his words.

 

 

On a later day, I got really upset when he postponed catching up, giving false hope.

After that incident I kept things strictly business like. I backed off till he contributed 50% of the effort for meeting. Sexting came to a stop which he enjoyed a lot, not me.

 

Sex was getting more and more amazing and there was a great connection bla... bla.... as he says, each time we meet.

 

Sometimes he enjoyed telling me his business achievements when we lie in bed. I didn’t want to talk about myself too much and cross boundaries and hurt myself. He didn’t ask about me but whenever I told he seemed to listen with big ears.

 

As he had requested long ago, I being a shy, submissive woman dominated him on bed last two days. He enjoyed it extremely like a baby and I couldn’t help myself falling for him after that. I though it would be nice to take a break before I cross a line. He said we are very compatible sexually.

 

On the same day he told me he will be undergoing a hernia operation, in a few days and he would text me. He hugged me tight for a long time which didn’t happen before, when I was leaving.

 

After two weeks I texted him asking whether he was well and recovered. He replied it will take another week and he will be going out of state for work for few days. I requested him to text when he is ready.

 

So another week passed I got my break. He is still silent. I don’t want to look clingy. I don’t like to chase a man for sex.

 

Isn’t he not that attracted to me or am I his back up plan? I feel I can’t tolerate this push and pull but I still want sex. He will definitely text me in a week or two. Should I drop him completely? Appreciate any insight, specially from men who had been there?

Edited August 19, 2018 by kamani

[BaileyB]

First things first, it takes several weeks to recover from hernia surgery (assuming that he was not lying about the surgery). Since your relationship is all about sex, it's understandable that you haven't heard from him.

 

Are you his backup plan? Most definitely. You are FWB - I think you should expect that he is multi-dating or in another relationship, which makes you... his back-up plan. His sex buddy. You should expect that he will out you on the shelf and pull you out at his convenience... You are not in a relationship with this man and he is likely spending his time living his life and dating other people.

 

It seems to me that you are flirting with feelings... You have certain expectations for this man and when he does not meet your expectations, you get upset. That's not going to work well for you if you are in this kind of relationship.

 

Text him, don't text him... I don't know what to tell you. If you can't stand the push and pull then you shouldn't be engaging in these types of extramarital affairs... It's not an easy thing to find someone who wants sex with no feelings, and I'm not sure that you are capable of it. Don't feel badly, I couldn't do it either.

 

May I ask, why are you not having sex with your husband? I mean, this is the honeymoon period of your marriage and you are looking for a sex partner outside your marriage? Is he also looking for sex outside the marriage? Why did you marry this guy if you don't have a healthy sex life - if you are not sexually compatable?

Edited August 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[preraph]

You're just free convenient sex to him. You need to remember that.

[Zahara]

If you can have sex minus the emotional attachment then continue.

 

He only sees you as someone who offers sex and nothing more. He’s attracted to the benefits you offer. Doesn’t seem like he’s interested in anything more. If you are emotional about him then it’s time to move on.