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Girl doesn't want relationship but I do! Should I wait or move on?


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Ok, there's this girl who I have known for a few months now. I know for a fact that we are both very attracted to each other. However, when I recently asked her out, she refused stating that she "Didn't want to risk losing her close guy friends". (she has many close guy friends) I don't know whether this is the only reason for her not wanting to date, but she seems to also be afraid of heartbreak as well. We spend a lot of time together "as just friends", see each other every day and we call each other often. We do kiss, so I know she wants me on some level. Right now, I'm just looking for advice, because I'm crazy for this girl, and I think she is too amazing of a girl to let get away. Do you think she will ever come around? It pains me to think about maybe giving up on her, but I just do not know how long I can wait! How long do you guys think is too long to wait for someone? Neither of us has been seeing other people. Has anyone ever been in a situation close to mine? If so, please help! What should I do?

 

I really appreciate your time!

 

-Evan

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yes ,i am in the same situation that you are. so you are not alone!!! i just sent a post yesterday and i needed help too.

with your situation the qustion is how long have you been trying to be with your friend?

does she want have a boy friend or not?give me more information .

but what i know about my own situation and yours i think we both should spend some time and if it doesn't work out we have no choice and we have to move on.:(

sad ha???

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I have been trying to be with my friend for about 4 months now.

 

I don't think she is waiting for someone "better". She has made it clear that she does not want to date ANYONE, perhaps because of the repercussions of a breakup and she does not want to jeopardize her close male friends.

 

She is a very good-hearted religious person as well, so I don't think she's just using me to make herself feel better, as one of my friends suggested.

 

I am pretty sure that in the future we can form a relationship, but am just having trouble waiting it out, as I do not know how long it may take. I suppose I may be pushing it too fast, as I have known her for less than one year. It may just be a matter of bad timing-but at the same time, i don't want to waste my time on something if it's not going to be there, so basically I'm just really confused. (sigh)

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VirginiaBob

I think you should hang around and be her personal lap dog for the next 10-20 years without ever getting any sex or anything for that matter in return. turn over your paycheck to her also.

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We do kiss

 

What kind of kissing are you talking about?

 

Didn't want to risk losing her close guy friends

 

Women always say this to not hurt your feelings. If she really liked you she would be after you not refusing your advances.

 

Do you think she will ever come around?

 

She has to see you as more than a friend. To do this you have to keep your distance for a while and make her miss you. If she realizes that she has feelings for you then she might move you from the friends level to a b/f.

 

Peace...

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Originally posted by VirginiaBob

I think you should hang around and be her personal lap dog for the next 10-20 years without ever getting any sex or anything for that matter in return. turn over your paycheck to her also.

 

Be nice VB. :p

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lol VirginiaBob...

 

But you're right, if you two are kissing then it shows she is attracted to you atleast. But that "don't want a relationship right now" is bs. If the perfect guy came along who'm she was really interested in, would she say "oh I don't want a relationship."? Hell no. VirginiaBob makes a good point, don't be her lap dog and settle for a pseudo-friendship/relationship thing (aka taking the scraps she's giving you.) Back away a little bit so that she has to make a decision where you two are headed.

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Either continue to accept the situation the way it is right now--which may end the minute she meets a guy she wants to date--or from now on, make it platonic friends only, no kissing, no confessions of feelings for her. She's made clear her feelings--she's not going to date you.

 

If you feel uncomfortable being around her, back off from the friendship for awhile and start dating other girls. You may look back at this a few months from now and be glad you didn't wreck your friendship by getting more involved with her.

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We have made out passionately a few times, so I know she is interested. She has also made it clear that she does not date at all. Her friends all think she should be dating me, but she refuses.

 

The thing is that i do not feel uncomfortable being around her, I love being around her. I really want a relationship with her, and I feel that if I dated around, she may feel somewhat jealous, although I'm sure she won't admit it.

 

But maybe you guys are right... I am just too obsessed with her. Maybe i need to take a break and date other people, or even reconsider whether I really NEED a relationship right now...

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She is a full on AW -- she has many close guy friends, and she doesn't want "anyone" [you] to get in the way of her relationship with them [her source of ego fulfillment by a bunch of chumpy dudes desparate for approval from a woman].

 

Seriously, there is no chance. Forget the movies, stop reviewing everything you do, stop thinking about it. She has lots of options (you think you're the only guy she's hooking up with) and no one stands out right now.

 

Ok, there is a chance. Stop being so available. Put a wry smile on, act like you don't give a f---, and date lots of girls. Your girl will be unable to stop herself from climbing on.

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This girl is leaving her options open. There is a chance that if she gets bored you will be the one she turns to. Hence, she makes out with you occassionally. What this means is that you will be on hold while she looks for someone else. This is the dating equivalent of "we need a break". Cut it loose before you become more obsessed. Trust me, this girl does not think of you like a boyfriend, and if she isn't already, chances are she never will.

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drgnflybethany
Originally posted by Evan

.... but she seems to also be afraid of heartbreak as well.

 

I'm actually going through what this girl may be going through - mine is on an extreme level, though...

 

I was divorced in March - the result of being tired of putting up with an emotionally neglectful husband... Since the break up (which actually occurred in late October)- there have been two men in my world.. Crush #1 - and the current one, CBFD (Cute Boy From Deidrich's, as he was known for the first month, because it took a month to get his name...)

 

Crush #1 turned out to be a bigger jerk than the ex-husband..

 

CBFD is different... and I'm terrified in this situation. In fact, the minute things start to go really well, I start to have huge panic fits - and wonder why he would ever be interested in me... (which is why - if you're reading this, Marshbear, I flip-flop so often between definitely believing he's interested and definitely feeling he isn't....)

 

Today was one of the worst spells I've had like this... It hit me out of the blue.. In fact, yesterday, I had a smile on my face all day long b/c he let me know he wasn't ignoring me... by emailing me a very sweet message.. However, for some reason, I just started thinking I was hoping way too much for anything good to happen. I honestly am so very terrified of anything bad happening.. like it has so often lately...

 

So - her fear is real... Kissing you is a good sign that she likes you more than as a friend...

 

I'd say have patience... because she hasn't completely rejected you.

 

But apparently, I'm in the minority here...

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dragnflybethany, thank you so much for replying. I guess I am going to just wait it out and be patient, but at the same time try not to spend so much time with her or think about her as much. (She's all I ever think about, which I know is unhealthy)

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm with you. If you're attracted to someone but you're afraid of getting hurt, you'll back off or keep the person you like at arms length. You may want them REALLy REALLY bad, but the fear of getting hurt is so great that you just dont go there.

 

 

Originally posted by drgnflybethany

I'm actually going through what this girl may be going through - mine is on an extreme level, though...

 

I was divorced in March - the result of being tired of putting up with an emotionally neglectful husband... Since the break up (which actually occurred in late October)- there have been two men in my world.. Crush #1 - and the current one, CBFD (Cute Boy From Deidrich's, as he was known for the first month, because it took a month to get his name...)

 

Crush #1 turned out to be a bigger jerk than the ex-husband..

 

CBFD is different... and I'm terrified in this situation. In fact, the minute things start to go really well, I start to have huge panic fits - and wonder why he would ever be interested in me... (which is why - if you're reading this, Marshbear, I flip-flop so often between definitely believing he's interested and definitely feeling he isn't....)

 

Today was one of the worst spells I've had like this... It hit me out of the blue.. In fact, yesterday, I had a smile on my face all day long b/c he let me know he wasn't ignoring me... by emailing me a very sweet message.. However, for some reason, I just started thinking I was hoping way too much for anything good to happen. I honestly am so very terrified of anything bad happening.. like it has so often lately...

 

So - her fear is real... Kissing you is a good sign that she likes you more than as a friend...

 

I'd say have patience... because she hasn't completely rejected you.

 

But apparently, I'm in the minority here...

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fundamental

The reason she doesn't want a relationship is because she is getting so much attention from ALL of her guy friends. You are becoming a threat to her game, so she is going to tell you that she doesn't want a relationship so that you don't pressure her anymore. Although she may like you very very very much, for her,attention from 10 boy friends is better than the attention from 1 boyfriend.

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MOVE ON. she is what's known as "attention ho". If she needs a ego boost she goes to one of their many guy friends (including you) for a bit of smooching and azz-kissing attention (which you seem to provide just nicely) You are a man, there are millions and millions of quality woman out there, go find one, and quit wasting your time.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I have still been in contact with her, but we don't talk nearly as much. College starts soon and I will definitely be open to meeting other girls.

 

I think I may have some sort of love addiction problem. These past few weeks I have not been able to get her out of my mind. I have been suffering from depression and insomnia as well. I wish these feelings would subside.

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