Finalspace Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 (edited) Hi I am new to the forum and would like some straight male opinions on something. I have a good male friend (I am female), we go to lunch once or twice a week, we chat over text a fair bit. We've talked about how good friends we are and talk about quite personal stuff. I like him a lot but unfortunately he has a gf. He told me he just likes me as a friend recently as I had made some hints and he wanted to make sure our friendship was protected. I appreciate what he did and is obviously a good guy and respectful of his relationship. However, he often checks me out, always stares at my mouth and we often touch each other. I don't get the same vibes off of anyone else. I guess I'm wondering from an ego point of view whether he could still find me attractive but had to say what he did. From guys who have been in relationships, are other women - particularly close friends completely off your radar, in that u wouldn't consider them at all in the future? I'm not looking to break them up, I'm just wondering if the 'signs' I see are completely in my head. Thanks Edited August 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and clarify title Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 15, 2018 Share Posted August 15, 2018 Welcome to LS... Did you know this man when he was single? Since he's a good friend, how well do you know his partner? Ever do stuff together with them? How long have you been single? Dated anyone while you and this man have been friends? How did that go? IME, very few men I know personally have no eyes for others while married, meaning they don't look at and/or appreciate the attractiveness, desirability and sexuality of other women. Generally, they don't do this while their spouses are around. They also don't act on that in any romantic way either. I would suggest fear of their wifes lawyer as a potent motivator IME, this guy is behaving much as many of the MW's I've known, and know, in life do. They're married, not dead. Most of them don't tip over the intimacy boundaries but some push along the edges. It's been pretty normal over life. Would he consider you in the future if not attached? IDK, can't read his mind. If he has a lot of female friends and the behaviors are consistent and platonic, I'd opine not likely. This would especially be not likely if you've had a BF and he was an enthusiastic supporter of your relationship, as any true friend would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finalspace Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 In answer to the questions - no - met her once but we don't hang out -always, so no bf no Also I don't think he has a lot of female friends. Certainly not ones he hangs out with one on one. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Does he talk about other female friends? What interests do you share? When you get together, does he seem totally focused on you or does he wander a bit? Look past you, seem distracted, etc? Talking and texting, PG stuff or is their sexual content? Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 You should point out the contradiction. Find the right moment ... probably after he checks you out ... and tell him what you told us ... His checking you out like that is no way to treat "a friend" and he needs to know he's doing that. I hate to say it ... but yes, as a guy, it is so easy to do what he's doing. What it means I think is that he does find your attractive ... and him telling you he wanted to be friends ... was probably a close call ... I hope that helps. I once had a gf who called me out on this ... Didn't even know I was doing it ... I was checking out other women. I had been single for so long ... it had just been a habit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 everything is on the table Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finalspace Posted August 16, 2018 Author Share Posted August 16, 2018 Does he talk about other female friends? What interests do you share? When you get together, does he seem totally focused on you or does he wander a bit? Look past you, seem distracted, etc? Talking and texting, PG stuff or is their sexual content? Hiya - no he doesn't, he doesn't talk about his gf really either - lots of stuff, we have a strong chemistry and have v similar sense of humour - completely focussed. Doesn't even have his phone out - mainly pg but sometime innuendo. Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 My hetero male opinion based on what you wrote - yes he likes you. And if he was unattached would probably ask you out. So.....do you want to wait and hope his relationship craters? If he likes you but won't cheat on his gf, that's a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 Oh. And how old is he (and you)? If you're both 18 then might be worth waiting? If you're both in your 40s then probably not. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 16, 2018 Share Posted August 16, 2018 I would say that he likes you, but probably only as a friend, even if he finds you attractive. Perhaps he'd reconsider if he ever breaks up with his gf, but don't wait for that to happen - it may never happen, and you'd be wasting your time in the meantime, when you could be dating. If you like him as a friend, then don't push the boundaries. If you push, he may stop being your friend, because you would be a danger to his relationship. And if his gf gets a sense that you're interested, she may want him to stop seeing you at all. Enjoy what you have with him, because it's not easy to find a good friend who has a gf who is okay with the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted August 17, 2018 Share Posted August 17, 2018 Yes he likes you--- if he touches you, mouth open (is he smiling?) Looks right at your eyes. He is attracted clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finalspace Posted August 17, 2018 Author Share Posted August 17, 2018 Yes he likes you--- if he touches you, mouth open (is he smiling?) Looks right at your eyes. He is attracted clearly. It's more like we will sit touching arms or legs and neither of us will move. Thanks for the answers everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Finalspace Posted August 23, 2018 Author Share Posted August 23, 2018 Is staring at someone's mouth a sign of attraction? He does it every time we talk, the other day it was for so long that I almost asked if I had something in my teeth. I've asked other people and they say he doesn't do it with them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 23, 2018 Share Posted August 23, 2018 Is staring at someone's mouth a sign of attraction? why yes, yes it is....it means he wants to kiss you on the lips Link to post Share on other sites
Rotn'roses Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 It sounds a little like a Big, Hot, Mess! Honestly, I feel as a woman commenting on this situation, that this guy is not really much of a friend. He probably gets an ego boost from your attention. Women get a lot more attention than men do in general I think though, so if you can rationalize yourself through the situation and just stay friends with him, then all is well that ends well...but some women (myself included) have trouble separating their own desires from someone who is showing interest but who is unattainable, and who is supposed to be their friend. If he already said he wanted to stay friends, and you can deal with that, then it would probably be best to not fixate on how hot he makes you when the googly eyes connect in this friendship. Just be supportive and content yourself with the fact that his girlfriend should be experiencing these sexual encounters with her man...not you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 It's more like we will sit touching arms or legs and neither of us will move. Why are you doing that with someone else's bf? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 He could be only staring at your mouth to avoid your eyes. Thing is he has said he doesn't like you that way so... And he's committed to someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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