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Feeling upset!! I fooled around with my friends brother.. Now he is ignoring me ughhh


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Charlotte2u

Hi I need any advice desperately! I have been roommates with my friends brother and her for 4 months now. I had a feeling My friends brother liked me and I have had a huge crush on him for almost 3 months now. He is 48 and I am 48 too. So he is divorced for 8 yrs and his son has been staying with him at the house for the summer. So I don't confuse anyone I will call my friends brother my crush the name "Ben" .

 

So last weekend his son was at his ex wife's house on Saturday night. So when Ben came home I was right there when he walked in the door. Ben smiled at me and said his son was away for the night. He asked I wanted to come in to his room to watch tv and hangout with him. Before this he had come on to me a few times . Putting his hand around my waist one time.and telling me he thought I looked pretty another time. He always noticed if I wasn't around and would make a comment where had I been because he didn't see me etc.. So that Saturday his son was away. When we were watching tv that night in his room we talked and got to know each other better. We did something that night sexually to each other. But didn't sleep together just some foreplay. Besides what we were doing made him orgasm really fast. Sorry I am nervous and upset writing this right now so bare with me please.

 

So everything seemed OK the next few days lots of staring at each other and smiles etc. That sexual tension excited kind of thing.. So yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen and he saw me stare at him. And made a comment under his breath that I was just interested in his dick . I didn't say anything but I was mad because I think he's really intelligent and funny. I don't just think sex when I look at him. So today he completely avoided me. I have feelings for him already obviously Ughh.

 

I'm crying right now. I don't know what I did wrong?!?!? Why is he acting this way? Feeling so dissed right now! He knew I was out in the living room tonight and I but made no freaking effort to try and say hi or anything. Any advice is appreciated! Thanks

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The only person who can tell you why he's acting this way is him. You are going to have to find some time to speak privately. Before you do, you need to know what you want out of this -- a relationship, FWB, to pretend nothing happened. He's probably embarrassed & unsure too because he doesn't know what you want. You haven't made any moves toward him either. Somebody has to break this ice & I nominate you. It's the only way you will get answers.

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It was a bad idea to become roommates with someone you have a crush on. If someone told me I looked pretty I wouldn't consider that flirting but just an observation. I don't think I would consider a guy putting his hand around my waist as a come on either unless words of interest accompanied it. I think you are letting your feelings get ahead of what is happening between the two of you. I hope you don't become so emotionally disturbed over this man that you have to move; but with the crying and all it seems that you are.

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My thoughts, for what they are worth...

 

I think you need to have a conversation with him. You either go all in - tell him that you think he is wonderful; intelligent, kind, funny, attractive, etc... tell him that you've had a crush on him for a while and that you were wondering if he would be interested in going on a date! The risk is, he says "No" and you need to look for somewhere else to live.

 

Or, you back it up if you want to remain roommates and tell him that you think he is wonderful, but things went to far the other night and you are sorry about that. Tell him that it won't happen again and ask if he is fine if you continue to live together.

 

Who knows what he is thinking and why he is avoiding you. My first thought was that he was regretting what happened and/or embarrassed that it ended so quickly. Only he can tell you... Good luck.

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I don't understand that comment he made. To me, it almost sounded like shaming you for liking sex or trying to make himself look like a stud and acting like all women are after his junk. I don't like that comment. I mean, you are living together and have talked lots, so I don't see this comment as anything self-deprecating but more like he's calling you something. Was anyone else around when he said it? I wonder who all he's told?

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Charlotte2u
I don't understand that comment he made. To me, it almost sounded like shaming you for liking sex or trying to make himself look like a stud and acting like all women are after his junk. I don't like that comment. I mean, you are living together and have talked lots, so I don't see this comment as anything self-deprecating but more like he's calling you something. Was anyone else around when he said it? I wonder who all he's told?

 

All I did was look at him letting him know I was still into him after the foreplay thing happened . I did nothing and said nothing to make him say that to me about his d**k. We became friends first and we talked alot. Like he was calling me a hoe? Ughh. I don't think that he's told anyone because we talked about it and agreed to be discreet even with his sister.

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I interpreted the comment to mean he thinks you were only using him for sex, that you were only interested in 1 body part, used him 'cause you were bored & were not rejecting the whole man.

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Charlotte2u

Update on Ben and I. So yesterday in the morning I came out of the room and he was doing his laundry . He told me that he was really sorry about the comment. He asked me if would I go out with him for breakfast. We had a really good time. We had conversation. He asked me to sit down on the same side of the table so we could sit together. Opened the car door for me etc. Things that a guy would do on a date.

 

So we go back to our house and we are all alone because no one is home. .I knew he wanted to do something again with me. So One went to use the bathroom in my room and when I came out he was sitting on my bed. He reached for me but after the di*k comment from a few days ago I was not ready to sleep with him even though I wanted to so much. I could tell he was upset but we did a repeat of what we did the first time that Saturday. He left the room but I could tell he was still really upset. He gave me this look like don't you want me. Ughhhh But we still hung out together all day his idea. He even said to me that his di*k belonged to me.

 

So his sister came home and our day for hanging out ended. So he told me that he needed to pick up his son from his ex wife's house at 9pm. Here's the really bad part is he didn't come home at all. Crying right now thinking he is with some girl having sex because I wouldn"t let him

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Well since his DICK seems to rule everything I'm not surprised he didn't come home. Obviously he was lying about his DICK belonging to you. This guy just wants sex and has no respect for you.

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He said that his d*ck belongs to you? Is that what romance looks like these days?

 

Look if you just wanted some no strings attached sex with this guy, I would say go for it, but as you seem to have feelings for him I think you need to cut this off. He doesn't sound like he's looking for a girlfriend or a relationship. If he's recently divorced then he's likely looking to sow some oats.

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Update on Ben and I. So yesterday in the morning I came out of the room and he was doing his laundry . He told me that he was really sorry about the comment. He asked me if would I go out with him for breakfast. We had a really good time. We had conversation. He asked me to sit down on the same side of the table so we could sit together. Opened the car door for me etc. Things that a guy would do on a date. So we go back to our house and we are all alone because no one is home. .I knew he wanted to do something again with me. So One went to use the bathroom in my room and when I came out he was sitting on my bed. He reached for me but after the di*k comment from a few days ago I was not ready to sleep with him even though I wanted to so much. I could tell he was upset but we did a repeat of what we did the first time that Saturday. He left the room but I could tell he was still really upset. He gave me this look like don't you want me. Ughhhh But we still hung out together all day his idea. He even said to me that his di*k belonged to me. So his sister came home and our day for hanging out ended. So he told me that he needed to pick up his son from his ex wife's house at 9pm. Here's the really bad part is he didn't come home at all. Crying right now thinking he is with some girl having sex because I wouldn"t let him

 

The communication between the two of you is abysmally poor...

 

Telling you before he takes you on an actual date that his d**k belongs to you... Said no man who was looking for a serious relationship - ever.

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Charlotte2u

He told me his d*ck belonged to me after we had been back at the house for awhile after going out. We were sitting in the living room together and he got something out of the refrigerator and he asked if it belonged to me I told him yes and he said that orange is yours and so is my d*ck. I know how stupid it sounds for what I said.

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Maybe the guy is needing some affection, not just whatever you're doing with his joint. Why don't you show him some just snuggling affection and sweetness next time you have a chance, which will probably lead to sex. I don't get this complaint of his. Most guys don't care as long as you're interested in it. But maybe he's genuinely lonely and needs actual intercourse to feel close. Have you just sat around kissing and cuddling, or are you going straight for his pants buckle and rushing into getting him off? Are you getting off too? Is it affectionate or just mechanical. Something is odd here.

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Charlotte2u

Update on Ben and I. He didn't say anything to me at first after being gone all night. Finally he said hi honey (I was thinking really? Because I knew he had been gone all freaking night. ) then he asked if I was OK. I told him no I'm not good. Think he was feeling guilty because he was doing things for me all night. Sat in the kitchen with me and ate dinner and he didn't stop talking to me the whole time. He even took me to the cell store because I was having issues with my phone. When we were driving back he made a remark about how he got up early at 5am same night he was gone. He gave me this look like saying that he had done something and I should be jealous. I was like yeah I bet and he could see the pissed off and hurt look on my face. Under his breath he said then you should give me what I want. Today his sister called me wanted to know if I was OK. She knew he had stayed out all night and thought it was messed up that be did it . I told her that maybe her and I should not go there and talk about it because he's her brother. She told me no it was ok. She told me to tell her brother not to bring girls to the house and not to go be with anyone. Telling me that I should tell him I am right here(like he doesn't need anyone else but me) so I told her maybe I would say that. Not sure if I should unless I intend to pursue this with him. I know everyone says not to and I'm thinking I should end it and move out asap. Definitely thinking I should get out while I can.

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Scarlett.O'hara
When we were driving back he made a remark about how he got up early at 5am same night he was gone. He gave me this look like saying that he had done something and I should be jealous. I was like yeah I bet and he could see the pissed off and hurt look on my face. Under his breath he said then you should give me what I want.

 

Anyone who uses sex with someone else as punishment for not getting sex one time is gross. Ben is a playing mind games and has shown his true colors and motives. He wants easy sex, and his comments and slight digs at you are meant to make you feel cheap and objectified.

 

It should go without saying, but to be clear, he is not boyfriend material. Frankly, I think too much time around him would be toxic to your self esteem.

 

He may have nice moments but please don't be fooled. Once he gets or doesn't get what he wants the mask will slip.

 

If you can move out soon, I would really encourage you to do so.

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Under his breath he said then you should give me what I want.

 

This comment is very disturbing. It shows a sense of arrogance and entitlement that is really, really disturbing. I would pack my things and leave immediately. This man is playing games with you and I would not trust him at all!

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Charlotte2u

Update so Ben is still sleeping with his ex wife after supposedly after it's been 8 yrs since his divorce from his ex wife ughhh. I also found out that he may have been divorced for only 1 yr. Even my friend his sister was acting sketchy about it when I asked her how long had he been divorced. Tonight his son who's staying here for the summer at the house with Ben (this is his last week here,then he goes back to Ben's ex wife's house to start school) said to me when no one else was around in the kitchen "my dad doesn't like you "underwater his breath) So it looks like I have 2 strikes against me. And he is staying at his ex wife's house tonight! WTF He waited to leave until I was in my room. He is playing games and I am a 48 yr old woman to old ffor games. I'm starting to see him as someone who does just want sex from anyone he can use.. Everyone who replied to my posts is probably right. Feeling even more hurt and what a slap in my face!!! Huge difference from last night when we spent last night talking and laughing together no sex just hanging out and flirting

 

small edit to this post he did come home seemed happy to see me. Questioning myself how low am I willing to go for this man. Feeling like I have no shame right now.

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Charlotte2u
This comment is very disturbing. It shows a sense of arrogance and entitlement that is really, really disturbing. I would pack my things and leave immediately. This man is playing games with you and I would not trust him at all!

 

I felt like he was teaching me some messed up lesson because I didn't sleep with him. When he said that to me ughhh. He was really upset that day I turned him down. He kept trying to get me to have sex at least 3 more times that day. I definitely hurt his manhood I think is the right word. I don't mean to sound stupid but what do you mean by games?

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The guy is a jerk but you sound kind immature or naive for your age. You had a crush on this guy. One night he asked you into his room and you guys engaged in a sexual act. Some days later you had breakfast with him and repeated the sexual act. Somehow you thought those 2 sexual encounters meant he was going to be your boyfriend and that he would be exclusive to you?

 

When a guy is interested in having a meaningful relationship with a woman he will first ask her out on a proper date and show a genuine interest in getting know all about her. He will pay her compliments (that are non sexual) and try to impress her. A guy interested in winning the heart of a woman does not invite her into his room for sex play before there has even been a date and he certainly does not make disrespectful crass comments like the things he has said to you.

 

You said in your first post that you are 48 or did I misread that? If that's correct then you should already know that easy hook up sex doesn't mean anything. Most girls learn that before the age of 20. This guy is not looking for a girlfriend, he wants sex. If that's not what you want then cut it out. He is a jerk but he never made you any promises. He doesn't owe you anything just cause you engaged in some sexual play with him.

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I felt like he was teaching me some messed up lesson because I didn't sleep with him. When he said that to me ughhh. He was really upset that day I turned him down. He kept trying to get me to have sex at least 3 more times that day. I definitely hurt his manhood I think is the right word. I don't mean to sound stupid but what do you mean by games?

 

Games... well, he is pressuring your for sex, trying to guilt you into having sex with him “then you should give me what I want,” and then withdrawing and pouting like a child who didn’t get his way when you don’t give in...

 

Wise up! You are encouraging this man by continuing to engage with him and you may find yourself in a world of trouble if you continue... You want a boyfriend he clearly wants sex. Don’t let yourself be fooled... this guy is bad news. Get out now.

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MountainGirl111

This guy is just downright creepy. Get away from him. Move out, now. If I were your good good friend (not his sister) and I was over at your place you share with him I'd be saying, "Let's get out of here!"

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Charlotte2u

Another small update from me. Yesterday when he got home from work he had this big smile on his face saying hi honey and wanted to give me a hug. His sister was just leaving for work so she was standing right there. Ughh I smiled like a dummy and said to him really you want a hug? So he comes up presses his body up against me. Face all red. He is tripping after how he has been acting towards me. WTF. Acting like he is so into me all of the sudden. We were suppose to spend time alone last night his idea. And he did want to take me out to eat. But his son is not going back to his ex wife's until this Wednesday. He was suppose to go back yesterday. Anyway I was happy that it didn't workout and relieved. Because I knew he would pressure me for sex. This time he would have wanted to sleep with me. Waiting to see if he's gone all night again this week. Everyone who has replied to my posts will be happy to know I'm starting to see through him. I still have all these feelings for him. Wish I could just make them all go away..

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Charlotte2u
Games... well, he is pressuring your for sex, trying to guilt you into having sex with him “then you should give me what I want,” and then withdrawing and pouting like a child who didn’t get his way when you don’t give in...

 

Wise up! You are encouraging this man by continuing to engage with him and you may find yourself in a world of trouble if you continue... You want a boyfriend he clearly wants sex. Don’t let yourself be fooled... this guy is bad news. Get out now.

 

I wish it was that easy to back out. Yes because if I don't sleep with him he will go screw his ex wife again. Ughh. He knows how I feel about him. And knows that I don't want him to obviously. So yeah give him what he wants and he won't go screw the ex again. Yeah he was pouting big time. It's like he can't believe that a woman would turn him down. Realizing how he is if you read my update. Thanks for replying!

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