Cab12313 Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 So there’s this guy that I have been working with for the past 2 years or so. He is very handsome and I have always thought so, however it’s only been maybe the past 4-5 months that I feel we have gotten to know each other closer and I have truly developed a big crush on him (I know that word sounds pretty juvenile :/) He told me yesterday he will be leaving this job in about a month and my reaction at the time was kind of neutral about it. I think I downplayed it to myself and him, which I am second guessing now. We do flirt at work and spend most lunch breaks together lately. I feel in my gut there is mutual attraction... He is good-looking and knows it,he gets attention from lots of ladies; but ever since I’ve known him he has never dated anyone as far as I know. Anyway, later on it hit me, I realized I am sad about him leaving, I will miss him at work and the thought of never seeing him again hurts. It has made me start overthinking everything. A note to the story is he is 21 years old and I am 29 (female). I know that’s a large age difference and I’m not sure how to feel about that? Part of me says it’s too much but then again I have very little relationship experience myself. it seems the vast majority of the time I am interested in a guy, I try to show them so they will make a move, but typically nothing happens:/ So I’m scared that’s about to happen again and I will get my feelings hurt and take it as a rejection. I don’t know if there’s something I should do this time around so I don’t let another one get away? Or maybe his remaining time there I should distance myself from him to get over this crush? Something I would like to know is, If he truly liked me, especially as the guy, do you think he would let me know? Thanks for listening/reading Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 It sounds to me like you've got a pretty standard workplace flirting thing going on. Thing is though, flirting doesn't necessarily indicate interest - often it's done just for a bit of fun. And yes, you're right. 21yo guy and 29yo woman is a HUGE age difference. Chalk it up to fun flirting and you'll be surprised how quickly you move on when he's gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 Take him out to lunch ... before he leaves ... You have the excuse of I'm treating you as a going-away present. And tell him how you feel ... not I have a crush on you ... but I am really going to miss you and I felt really sad that you're leaving ... You make going to work so much fun ... and let your emotions show ... Let your emotions and even tears do the talking. He'll respond and you'll get a sense of where he is ... as far as his feelings towards you. You leave out key information. Like is he getting a new job down the street or 20 miles away? ... Or moving across the country? If he's still nearby, then you got time to work him, flirt with him, etc ... after he leaves the job. It's funny I know this couple where the guy is like 15 years or so younger than the woman. She was his college instructor and he fell hard for her ... But he waited until he graduated and got a good job ... Then he called her! He didn't think she would take him seriously until he had a really good paying job. (He was right!) Anyway, that's all to say you and he might have some real chemistry ... but I have found that sharing my feelings and letting my emotions talk (not "I am crushing on you" ... but literally tearing up) is a powerful technique. The reason tearing up (I know, I'm making it sound manipulative but it's not) can work ... is that tears are partly involuntary ... and the tears communicate your surprise at your feelings. And that's key info to communicate to him. And if you're expressing how much YOU like the person ... and how much you feel for the person ... you're not putting the other person on the spot for an immediate answer. So how far away is he going? I'm guessing far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cab12313 Posted July 21, 2018 Author Share Posted July 21, 2018 He’s not going far, it’s just we have never hung out outside of work before. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 Oh perfect! Why? Because by asking him out for a drink or whatever, you immediately signal that you have interest in him beyond work--without going too far. It's nice, easy "escalation" as the pickup guys say. Meet up with him and he's boring as hell ... you just celebrate your little work crush. Have a great time, go out and again. Perfect! ... Almost better to have him at another workplace if you really like him. You can lose the worry of disrupting workplace peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 How would you know whether he's dating anyone since you havent seen him outside of work? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Tell him you don't want to lose touch and want to have lunch with him after he's settled in his new job and see how things are going. Be sure you give him your phone number. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Is he a 21 year old that still lives at home with his parents/grandparents/3 roommates and 5 cats, no vehicle, no worries? Or is he a self-sufficient 21 year old school of hard knocks type? I think you should tread carefully. Unless you're not self-sufficient yourself or half-grown, you're not going to be on the same page in terms of life phases. I'm not trying to be an ass. I think you should just be careful and think twice about whether he's a good match at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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