Nuna Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 So there's this gorgeous guy that's a friend of a good friend of mine. We live in different cities and don't see each other that much - although it's doable to meet ( I'm in a 4 year relationship that is not that smooth at the moment-I won't explain the reasons) and i knew he is with his partner for 15 years). The only time we hang out more is in a music festival once a year (we stay at th same house all together - me him and 3 more friends). This year, he told me that he broke up in Feb 2018 with his partner as they both different people and that he still lives with her at the moment as her dad is terminal with cancer. So I didnt pay attention at first but during the 3 day festival we came really close and especially the last day, we spent it closely together and we had such great time talking and dancing. I can't say there was serious flirting but we realised we have many things in common and there was a lot of hugs and looks- he was always by my side. When we both went back home, I messaged him and said I had a great time and it'd be nice to hang out soon and speak more and he agreed. However his ex''s dad passed away a week ago and although he messaged me for a week after the festival- still not a lot of flirting but very happy messages - he stopped 5 days ago. Now I'm going to see him in 2 weeks time. I am not sending him any messages. I'm definitely not a cheater - if I see there are feelings for someone else though, this might be an alert to end my relationship... I feel like there's something going on here and I'm not sure how to continue, especially under the circumstances. He wasn't flirting directly - he knows of my relationship- but there was something in the air. Should I leave the next move on him? Or should I tell him I like him when we meet again, if I see there is the same attraction from both? Really can't stop thinking about him! We are both 38 by the way - currently feel like I'm 16 again Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 If he has been in a relationship with his gf for 15 years he is damn near married to her. No, you shouldn't get involved with him. The most you can expect from a hang out with him is sex with no strings but your heart being torn to shreds. Are you now back with the old boyfriend from your previous thread? I thought he moved on with another girl. Link to post Share on other sites
donotmicrowave Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Stop stringing your current partner along - end the relationship. It is over anyway. As you said, it has been difficult, and now you also "feel 16" thanks to someone else. Cut your partner loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuna Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 No I'm not with that one-it ended 5 years ago. I'm with a new partner for 4 years. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 If your current partner is not working out for you let him go. Don't waste your life and time with someone you are not married to who is not making you happy. There are tons of men out there to meet and enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nuna Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 If your current partner is not working out for you let him go. Don't waste your life and time with someone you are not married to who is not making you happy. There are tons of men out there to meet and enjoy. That's what I'll do, I know it's not working for me. However my concern is "do I tell my friend I like him if I feel a certain vibe next time we meet or is it best to stay away ? He has not been with his gf since February as I said but since her dad only just passed away, he's been supportive. He is however still leaving her - moving out of their place soon. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 If he is broken up with his gf and you see him again definitely tell him how you feel. Make sure you have broken up with your bf first before you do so you will be free for what happens next. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 (edited) So you've gotten great wisdom so far. Just know. There is a HUGE difference between "going to leave girlfriend" (as in move out and finish off the separation) ... and actually leaving girlfriend. As huge as the difference between ... thinking about getting married ... and setting a marriage date and announcing it to friends and family ... As huge as the difference between interviewing for a job ... and getting an official job offer with a specific salary, benefits and start date. And just so you know, once you break up with someone, it's NOT expected that the ex will comfort you after a parent's death. I sent my ex emails when each of my parents died. And she kindly replied. And when my brother died, I sent her an email ... and she sensed that I could use some comfort (she was one of the few people outside my family who knew my brother--who was very distant from my friends, etc.) So for my brother's death, my ex was generous and did indeed comfort me. She comforted me over the phone. For one hour. And that was considered extraordinarily gracious on her part. A one-hour phone call ... I mean, I cried during the call ... brought up all kinds of memories ... she added her perspective. So it was a great call, a fantastic call ... and I was so grateful for her support because no one else really knew my brother ... and so I was a lost for thinking about his life. So I was extremely grateful to my ex ... for a one hour phone call. So music festival man getting kinda lost in his ex's grief ... not typical, not usual ... not expected ... definitely wildly out of the norm. I'm wondering if he is still more emotionally tied in with his ex than he's letting on to you ... or to himself! Or if his time of consoling the ex led him to get involved again. I don't know. Just saying. So keep that in mind. Place a little asterisk by the claim that the new guy is free and not involved. If you really connected with the music festival guy, in some ways, there is no rush to get together with him. That connection is real, and it's likely to be there months from now and or a year from now. I'm a little lost as to where you're in a relationship that is apparently so bad that you're interested in a new guy ... and yet you don't want to dump the current bf. Very few of us successfully go from one relationship immediately into another. So I would give yourself time and space ... But judge old bf by the standard of are you happy? ... not by the standard of is new guy free and is he interested in me? Edited July 21, 2018 by Lotsgoingon Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts