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Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 13th July 2018, 11:08 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
SSDD

See a therapist for your obsession.
Iíd honestly love to but I canít afford it.

Guess thatís why Iím coming here.
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Old 13th July 2018, 11:40 AM   #47
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Do you not have insurance? If not, look into free counseling. I don't think there are any professionals here that will work for free.
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Old 13th July 2018, 11:55 AM   #48
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Do you not have insurance? If not, look into free counseling. I don't think there are any professionals here that will work for free.
No insurance.

Was just looking for someone to talk to. Someone who maybe has been where I am. Someone to relate to I guess. Anyone I try to tell thinks Iím absolutely insane.

I think I am too. But it doesnít change anything. He says jump and I ask how high. I bend over backwards for him and he doesnít give me so much as a text back.

We could be doing fine and heíll get angry, upset, or offended by the smallest thing I say/do. That will lead to us not speaking for days. Iím constantly apologizing and he makes me cry all the time.

Then heíll be so sweet. Sweeter then any other guy has ever been to me, and it starts all over again. Itís exhausting. Itís draining. Itís killing me inside. But I canít get over him.

Nothing interests me anymore. I donít enjoy doing things I used to love. Even going to church the only thing I think of is how I canít wait to see him there. Itís so bad.
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:11 PM   #49
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Talk to a pastor. Maybe he can refer you to someone in your church.

I thought the guy said heís going NC with you, no? I can understand if he and you were dating for a while, but this guy has never even liked you that way. Do you have decent relationship with your family?
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Old 13th July 2018, 12:25 PM   #50
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OP,

I once really liked this girl I grew up with. We met as kids and went into our teens all the way into adulthood together. There always this puppy love kind of situation with us where we would flirt and cuddle. Everyone saw it and knew it. I wanted to marry this girl. I was so into her that her lack of attention or seeing her talk to another guy or lack of presence at some party would ruin my mood for days. It was hell.

One day I decided enough was enough and told her how I felt. She rejected me, it hurt for months. But when I started to meet other girls and start catching the eyes of others, I moved on and very abruptly. Long story short, I went onto discover new relationships and new possibilities and new pictures of a future in my head with someone enw. Time went on and I realized this girl who I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with at one point in my life, was no longer that person to me anymore.

This isn't you in love. This is you enjoying the thoughts of being with someone. Loving the idea of what you think is love which isn't love at all.

If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. No back and forth, no push-pull, no hot and cold, no mixed messages. Doesn't matter if you have been friends for a long time. That's the vibe he's putting out.

My advice to you is to tell him how you feel. There will be no more wondering, no more fantasizing, no more interpreting, no more imagining what it could be like. You will get your answer win/lose/ or draw and you can move forward.

If you don't do this, you will remain stuck.

- Beach
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Last edited by Beachead; 13th July 2018 at 12:27 PM..
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Old 13th July 2018, 2:11 PM   #51
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If he was interested in you romantically in the least, he'd have slept with you eons ago. He isn't. He likes you as a friend and that is all, and not even enough to initiate contact. He's being polite when you do because he knows your family or something, right? He isn't on good behavior because he isn't dating you. You're like a little sister to him. You should get into therapy and get past this and not waste your whole life like this.

If I am incorrect and he has slept with you and continues to sleep with you and still treats you this way because he isn't really interested, then let me know and I'll have a different answer with similar advice.
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Last edited by preraph; 13th July 2018 at 2:14 PM..
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Old 13th July 2018, 4:19 PM   #52
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If he was interested in you romantically in the least, he'd have slept with you eons ago. He isn't. He likes you as a friend and that is all, and not even enough to initiate contact. He's being polite when you do because he knows your family or something, right? He isn't on good behavior because he isn't dating you. You're like a little sister to him. You should get into therapy and get past this and not waste your whole life like this.

If I am incorrect and he has slept with you and continues to sleep with you and still treats you this way because he isn't really interested, then let me know and I'll have a different answer with similar advice.

We slept together once. He avoided me for weeks afterwards. But he always does things like that. Heíll build me up and then cut me off. He recently told me he didnít think we should be friends anymore. But a few weeks later we were right back at it. (No sex since that one time though).

I saw him last a week ago. Last Friday. I miss him like crazy and fighting myself not to call him but I really just want to hear his voice.

Thanks for all the input guys.
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Old 13th July 2018, 4:46 PM   #53
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No insurance.

Was just looking for someone to talk to. Someone who maybe has been where I am. Someone to relate to I guess. Anyone I try to tell thinks Iím absolutely insane.

I think I am too. But it doesnít change anything. He says jump and I ask how high. I bend over backwards for him and he doesnít give me so much as a text back.

We could be doing fine and heíll get angry, upset, or offended by the smallest thing I say/do. That will lead to us not speaking for days. Iím constantly apologizing and he makes me cry all the time.

Then heíll be so sweet. Sweeter then any other guy has ever been to me, and it starts all over again. Itís exhausting. Itís draining. Itís killing me inside. But I canít get over him.

Nothing interests me anymore. I donít enjoy doing things I used to love. Even going to church the only thing I think of is how I canít wait to see him there. Itís so bad.
Do you believe in prayer? That's always helped me more than anything else.
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Old 13th July 2018, 5:01 PM   #54
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We slept together once. He avoided me for weeks afterwards. But he always does things like that. He’ll build me up and then cut me off. He recently told me he didn’t think we should be friends anymore. But a few weeks later we were right back at it. (No sex since that one time though).

I saw him last a week ago. Last Friday. I miss him like crazy and fighting myself not to call him but I really just want to hear his voice.

Thanks for all the input guys.
You understand this thing you have with this guy is unhealthy right?

There's no friendship here and there's no relationship either. It's just a toxic, boundary-less pile of mud. No rules, no boundaries, no answers. It will keep a person stuck and drive them insane.

He told you he doesn't think you two should be friends. What that tells me is that's how he feels deep down inside despite the sex and interaction. The sex indicates he's attracted to you but the distance indicates he sees it as a mistake and also doesn't see you as a partner. Doesn't see a future. If he doesn't see a future, what's the point of all this suffering? Where is it even going?

The fact that you're tolerating all this tells me there is to a large degree on your part, a lack of respect and self-worth for yourself. You should never let people treat you like that. When they treat you badly, ignore you, play hot and cold and what not and you stay..you're teaching them to disrespect you. You're teaching them they can treat you like crap and you'll be there. You're teaching them you have no standards, no boundaries, won't say no, won't walk away.. are cheap and easy. And this means you can be pulled and pushed in any direction and molded into any kind of shape. I've been this person and I suffered for it.

While this guy has done you wrong, you're doing yourself wrong even more so.
There are people out there in the world who can and will do far worse to those who don't know how to stand up and be strong for themselves. These people will pick up on this lack of respect you have for yourself and will use it to take advantage, manipulate and hurt you and you won't have the strength to walk away.

Do yourself a favor and stop talking to him. Cut him out and go NC for yourself. You deserve to be with someone who is consistent in a relationship that is balanced and not up and down. You also deserve far more love than you are showing to yourself.

I really mean this with genuine respect. Take care of yourself.

-Beach

Last edited by Beachead; 13th July 2018 at 5:12 PM..
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Old 13th July 2018, 5:43 PM   #55
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You seem confused by his behavior and you're probably subconsciously trying to reel him in to assure yourself that you're good enough. When he shows interest in you you have the male attention that you want and when he pulls away you wonder what you did to cause this or what's wrong with you.

I say this and don't think you actually love him because he doesn't sound like a very nice guy. You state "everything about him" is what you want. Really???? You want a man that treats you like a joke, f***s you, and takes off and makes you beg for him? No, what you want is attention from him to make yourself feel better. This guy is a catch to you and you want to boost your ego.

I am sorry to be so harsh but that is my conclusion from it. I think you can go to counseling but what you really need is for someone to give you the cold hard truth and make you realize that you're degrading yourself over some man who is probably getting in the pants of at least one other girl.
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Old 13th July 2018, 5:55 PM   #56
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Do you believe in prayer? That's always helped me more than anything else.
I do. Iíve prayed for God to help me and remove him from my heart. The truth is Iím terrified of losing him and donít really want to stop feeling this way. Iím scared Iíll never feel for anyone how I feel for him
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Old 13th July 2018, 6:30 PM   #57
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I do. Iíve prayed for God to help me and remove him from my heart. The truth is Iím terrified of losing him and donít really want to stop feeling this way. Iím scared Iíll never feel for anyone how I feel for him
What are you losing? I don't get it.

Your mindset is that his d*** is made of gold or something. The illusion will wear off painlessly if you listen to the people on here OR it can wear off painfully if you keep going back to him.
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Old 13th July 2018, 8:49 PM   #58
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Oh man, I just read the original post and it broke my heart and pissed me off.

This guy is truly a piece of work. He used you for his own selfish reasons. If this man cared about you, he would not have done what he did. It is truly heartbreaking that you two knew eachother for as long as you have and he did that. It's low.

This is on him and a reflection on how much of a sh*tty human being he is.

Disregard what I said about telling him how you feel, it doesn't apply.

Don't talk to him again and don't let him talk to you again either. He lost you, not the other way around. I think what might help you is meeting new people but not for the purpose of dating. It should be for the purpose of light-hearted, friendship. This will remind you that there are healthy friendships out there to be discovered with people who will appreciate you and actually care for me. The more of that you see and discover, the more you will dilute the impact of what happened.

This man does not deserve your love or your pain.

- Beach

Last edited by Beachead; 13th July 2018 at 8:57 PM..
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Old 13th July 2018, 10:07 PM   #59
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So he slept with you once and it didn't make him want to be with you. That's a no. You've got to stop. The one thing you regret when you get older is the time you wasted on men (and women) who didn't want you. You deserve someone who wants you so you can have a real relationship. You need to make yourself accept reality.
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Old 14th July 2018, 3:00 PM   #60
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Itís not really like that. Iím not cheap or easy at all. Heís actually the first and only guy that Iíve slept with. He knows that too. I told him that I was a virgin.

I respect myself a lot. Thatís why Iíd never sleep with a man that I didnít have feelings for. I slept with him because I wanted to. Not because he pressured or took advantage of me. That wasnít the case at all.
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