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Friend and I kissed


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I hung out with a friend of mine who I have always had a thing for. She has confessed she likes me too but we just never tried dating or being anything more than friends. We hung out over the weekend and at one point there was awkward silence. she asked me if I was OK and I told her yes, and confessed that I wanted to kiss her. She replied with, "so kiss me then." We started kissing and it was really passionate. We didn't have sex or anything, but it was a nice moment. We made out and cuddled for the rest of the night. I walked her to her car and she hugged me and kissed me some more. I asked her if this meant we were going to see where this goes. She replied with, "I don't know...I'm not sure, but text me tomorrow."

 

 

Should I just roll with it and see what happens. I'm feelings so many things right now. Maybe I should take a few days to myself?

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stillafool

How sweet. If you both are available I say go with it. Definitely text her and tell her how much you enjoyed it.

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Take the lead. She's a big girl and knows how to say yes or no.

 

Call her today.

"Last night was wonderful. Dinner at xxx tonight?"

 

The tone of her voice and her answer will tell you everything you need to know. If you're attracted to her, and you know for sure now that you've had physical intimacy, don't accept friendship. That's a prison. You'll have thousands of platonic friends in life. She's not one of them, not now anyway. This of course presumes she's not married or living with someone. Anything else is fair game. Good luck!

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How sweet. If you both are available I say go with it. Definitely text her and tell her how much you enjoyed it.

 

 

We are both single, but so many emotions and thoughts are running through my head. I could tell it was the same for her by the look on her face.

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lakerman34
Take the lead. She's a big girl and knows how to say yes or no.

 

Call her today.

"Last night was wonderful. Dinner at xxx tonight?"

 

The tone of her voice and her answer will tell you everything you need to know. If you're attracted to her, and you know for sure now that you've had physical intimacy, don't accept friendship. That's a prison. You'll have thousands of platonic friends in life. She's not one of them, not now anyway. This of course presumes she's not married or living with someone. Anything else is fair game. Good luck!

 

With all due respect, I don't like responses like this.

 

I don't know of many women that would think it's "sexy" to ask someone out on a date for the very next day. It shows availability and, to some degree, overzealousness.

 

I say wait a few days. Get her to think about that moment, replaying it over and over in her mind, and get her to miss you.

 

I'd say in 3 days, ask her out on a date for 3 days in the future.

 

Other than that, things like texting her "I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight" or "goodness, you were looking so beautiful tonight" may make her melt.

 

However, realize that one size does NOT fit all. Some women hear those lines and freak out.

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A last minute invite does sort of imply that you (the person doing the asking) assumes that the other person (her her) has no other plans or is willing to cancel them for you.

 

I'd give a day or two notice at least.

 

Do take the lead here. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are interesting in exploring what could be between you two. If you act confident it may ease any concerns she has.

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With all due respect, I don't like responses like this.

 

I don't know of many women that would think it's "sexy" to ask someone out on a date for the very next day. It shows availability and, to some degree, overzealousness.

 

I say wait a few days. Get her to think about that moment, replaying it over and over in her mind, and get her to miss you.

 

I'd say in 3 days, ask her out on a date for 3 days in the future.

 

Other than that, things like texting her "I really enjoyed spending time with you tonight" or "goodness, you were looking so beautiful tonight" may make her melt.

 

However, realize that one size does NOT fit all. Some women hear those lines and freak out.

 

 

I agree. I feel that's too much at once. The look on her face clearly showed she had a lot going on in her head. I texted her today and we talked for a bit. I figured I would keep things light so she doesn't feel overwhelmed.

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OK, I'll call it. She's going to string you along and ease you back into the platonic zone until she needs some validation. I've been down this road dozens of times in life.

 

With all due respect, they're friends. She knows him, for a long time. She confessed 'she likes him'. If she was feeling it, she'll want to grow it. Today. Carpe diem. Even if she's busy, she'll suggest an alternative and in an enthusiastic manner. However, having been down the road of female social hacks for decades, I see the signs here of the typical attention grab. Women read guys like books and we're so easy to play when they sense our emotions in the game.

 

OP, for context, how many platonic female friends have you turned into lovers? Tried to? What's your batting average? Doing that is a skill. Some guys breathe it. Others can't hit the ball if their life depends on it.

 

Whatever you do, and yeah I made this mistake many times, don't go back to being her cuddle buddy. It's a dead end. Relationships progress or they end.

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OK, I'll call it. She's going to string you along and ease you back into the platonic zone until she needs some validation. I've been down this road dozens of times in life.

 

With all due respect, they're friends. She knows him, for a long time. She confessed 'she likes him'. If she was feeling it, she'll want to grow it. Today. Carpe diem. Even if she's busy, she'll suggest an alternative and in an enthusiastic manner. However, having been down the road of female social hacks for decades, I see the signs here of the typical attention grab. Women read guys like books and we're so easy to play when they sense our emotions in the game.

 

OP, for context, how many platonic female friends have you turned into lovers? Tried to? What's your batting average? Doing that is a skill. Some guys breathe it. Others can't hit the ball if their life depends on it.

 

Whatever you do, and yeah I made this mistake many times, don't go back to being her cuddle buddy. It's a dead end. Relationships progress or they end.

 

 

That is definitely something I have considered. The classic, "I'm lonely, maybe you are too, so let's waste each other's time" scenario. It could be because I don't treat her how others guys have and she loves the attention and got caught up in the moment.

 

 

I'm honestly not expecting a lot out of this. I mean if it happens, I would love to give it a shot with her. If not, I'll keep it moving.

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Tangentially relevant questions: When was the last time you went on a date? Asked a woman on a date? Were in a relationship or married?

 

If you want to take your time with this, date other women. Kiss them, cuddle with them. Usually how it goes is the cream of the crop, the most compatible and enthusiastic and loving person for you, rises to the top. You're single, I presume, so your opportunities are unlimited. Pretty cool, eh?

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They are already established so there is no need for dating tactics and all that crap.

 

 

 

OP if you want to ask her out, ask her out, but something casual and fun where you can go for a walk and hold hands.

 

 

 

If I was in her situation, I wouldn't like it if I didn't get any contact for 3 days....I would wonder if it was a mistake or the guy changed his mind or feeling I did something wrong. At least contact her, telling her you enjoyed the kiss or something to acknowledge that it was a good thing that happened.

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Tangentially relevant questions: When was the last time you went on a date? Asked a woman on a date? Were in a relationship or married?

 

If you want to take your time with this, date other women. Kiss them, cuddle with them. Usually how it goes is the cream of the crop, the most compatible and enthusiastic and loving person for you, rises to the top. You're single, I presume, so your opportunities are unlimited. Pretty cool, eh?

 

 

Been single for a month now. Broke up with a girl I was dating for 6 months because she just didn't understand how a relationship worked, and she was very controlling and insecure. I'm stepping back into the dating game but I want to take it slow. I am also talking to a few on a dating app as well.

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They are already established so there is no need for dating tactics and all that crap.

 

 

 

OP if you want to ask her out, ask her out, but something casual and fun where you can go for a walk and hold hands.

 

 

 

If I was in her situation, I wouldn't like it if I didn't get any contact for 3 days....I would wonder if it was a mistake or the guy changed his mind or feeling I did something wrong. At least contact her, telling her you enjoyed the kiss or something to acknowledge that it was a good thing that happened.

 

 

 

 

I totally agree. I too would wonder if I did something wrong if there was no contact. We said good morning to each other today before I left for work and that is it so far. Even though she said to text her last night before she left, I sill feel like shes been thinking about this a lot, and even regretting it.

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Thanks for sharing some history. Were you and the friend in this topic friends during that six month relationship? Prior? How did things go with the female friend, if she was your friend, while you were dating the other person? As example, time spent together, was she supportive of your relationship, met your dating partner, etc, etc?

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Thanks for sharing some history. Were you and the friend in this topic friends during that six month relationship? Prior? How did things go with the female friend, if she was your friend, while you were dating the other person? As example, time spent together, was she supportive of your relationship, met your dating partner, etc, etc?

 

 

 

 

No problem! Yes we were friends and were talking, but respected the boundaries. She was very happy for me but saw the red flags in my ex that I didn't see at first and was concerned. She told me I deserve to be happy and she wanted to see me be with someone who truly cared. She invited me and my girlfriend to come out once with her group of friends and even her brother, but my girl refused.

 

 

She was very insecure and territorial with me, and didn't like the fact that I had female friends. She also felt threatened because she said my friend is more attractive than she was.

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Last question: Can you share with us her relationship history since you've been friends? For example, when she was happy for you and noting some red flags, did she have a boyfriend or was she dating someone or ?? As a follow up to that, when did she indicate she 'liked' you? Long ago, prior to your recent relationship, during, since or ??

 

I'm mentioning this because of long experience with situational friends, meaning people who otherwise find each other attractive but bury it because one or both are married or in other intimate and committed relationships.

 

I'm still of the opinion that you know each other well, have shared intimacy as friends long before the recent physical incident and if there's something there of the romantic sort, if you're both healthy it should be an easy switch to flip.

 

In parting I'll share a story where the switch got padlocked, and why....

 

I met someone who I immediately sensed mutual attraction with, no history, didn't know her, she was new at a customer and I was kinda shocked she'd walk a check all the way out to the shop and engage me. We had a number of interactions like that. She didn't have a wedding ring on. However, I did some checking and indeed it turned out (she didn't tell me) that she was married. That queued up some horror tapes from my past.

 

Saw her again a couple weeks ago, and periodically over the last three years, two of which she's now been divorced but that discovery that she was flirting with me while married flipped the switch off and padlocked it. I still sense that sexual tension and trust me she's a room stopper (seen her do it) but it's over and done for me. That's generally atypical for a man but could be an issue for a woman. Unknown if your friend has any padlocks on her feelings for whatever reason. If so, that would support the advice of others to go slow to get the key into the padlock and turned. If things were simple LS wouldn't exist ;)

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Last question: Can you share with us her relationship history since you've been friends? For example, when she was happy for you and noting some red flags, did she have a boyfriend or was she dating someone or ?? As a follow up to that, when did she indicate she 'liked' you? Long ago, prior to your recent relationship, during, since or ??

 

I'm mentioning this because of long experience with situational friends, meaning people who otherwise find each other attractive but bury it because one or both are married or in other intimate and committed relationships.

 

I'm still of the opinion that you know each other well, have shared intimacy as friends long before the recent physical incident and if there's something there of the romantic sort, if you're both healthy it should be an easy switch to flip.

 

In parting I'll share a story where the switch got padlocked, and why....

 

I met someone who I immediately sensed mutual attraction with, no history, didn't know her, she was new at a customer and I was kinda shocked she'd walk a check all the way out to the shop and engage me. We had a number of interactions like that. She didn't have a wedding ring on. However, I did some checking and indeed it turned out (she didn't tell me) that she was married. That queued up some horror tapes from my past.

 

Saw her again a couple weeks ago, and periodically over the last three years, two of which she's now been divorced but that discovery that she was flirting with me while married flipped the switch off and padlocked it. I still sense that sexual tension and trust me she's a room stopper (seen her do it) but it's over and done for me. That's generally atypical for a man but could be an issue for a woman. Unknown if your friend has any padlocks on her feelings for whatever reason. If so, that would support the advice of others to go slow to get the key into the padlock and turned. If things were simple LS wouldn't exist ;)

 

 

 

 

Wow that's crazy! You two might have a more powerful connection than you think if she came back into your life and is showing interest again. I have had a thing for this girl in high school. She did too, but her "friend" intervened and always spoke for her. She did whatever she could to prevent us from dating. Eventually we dated other people and lost touch until FB became really popular. She was with someone she met after high school, and had a kid with him 7 years ago and was also going to marry the guy, but things didn't workout.

 

 

 

We reconnected when she was single and started talking, but she took something I said the wrong way and it caused a big fight. We reconnected before 2017 ended and she apologized to me, and we had a big talk about us and relationships. She confessed she should've ignored her friend and should've just given me a chance, and is happy that person isn't her friend anymore. She gave me advice whenever I felt it wasn't going to work with my ex. She was happy I found someone and wanted me to be happy, but was worried when she saw the red flags.

 

 

She also recommended I should break up with her because she said that girl didn't deserve me. She was single herself during all of this. In March, she had a FWB but backed out of it a week into it because she said it didn't feel right and she was afraid of catching feelings. We have been talking a lot more since I broke up with my ex. Matter of fact, I hung out with her later on that night on the day my ex broke up with me to talk. She gave me a big hug and told me to call her if I needed anything. She confessed to me that night that she was hoping I would kiss her but totally understood it was too soon.

 

 

 

She shares secrets with me that supposedly no one else knows. She reaches out to me when she is sad or if she needs someone to talk to, or if she is looking to hangout with someone. We have gotten food together, sat in front her fire pit, we have driven around listening to music, etc.

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I'm feelings so many things right now.

 

I can imagine both of you are feeling a lot of complex emotions. She's no doubt just as unsure as you are - it's always weird and complicated when you go from being friends to something more. Processing those emotions and working out what both of you want is going to take some time, so definitely give it a few days - by all means schedule a casual date or something, but be conscious of the amount of space the two of you need to work out your emotions.

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I am trying to imagine making out with a guy who is also important as a friend and then following that up with I'm not sure and let me think about it. I don't know but she knows you so she's either interested in making out some more or she isn't. Wait a day or two and then ask her "Want to go on a real date Saturday?" The whatever happens, except for excuses, take it in stride.

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So sweet! Definitely call her in the next day or so and ask her if she’d like to get together. Go for it!

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So we talked the day after. She told me she isn't in the right state of mind to date anyone right now. She said she would love to be in a relationship right now, she isn't ready for one until she gets herself where she wants to be. I was bummed out, but I understand. What's not surprising is how different she has been acting since it's happened. We haven't been talking as much as we normally did. She is a good friend and now I feel like this ruined our friendship.

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I'm so sorry. I've lost a friend to romance before and really it's just about my only regret. Just totally chill for a while and see if she can maybe go back to just friends if that's okay with you. The way she said about she'd like to be in a relationship but doesn't feel ready for one honestly sounded more like an excuse. So I wouldn't move forward thinking that someday something will happen.

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  • 2 weeks later...
So we talked the day after. She told me she isn't in the right state of mind to date anyone right now. She said she would love to be in a relationship right now, she isn't ready for one until she gets herself where she wants to be. I was bummed out, but I understand. What's not surprising is how different she has been acting since it's happened. We haven't been talking as much as we normally did. She is a good friend and now I feel like this ruined our friendship.

 

I'm so sorry! Something like this recently happened to me and it's breaking my heart. I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel a bit of emptiness since this happened with me. I have a million friends, but for some odd reason, the one friend I really miss is him. I wish he would call me to tell me everything is all right. I hope it doesn't feel that way with you. I am a bit farther into it than you (It's been a few months....), and I hope soon we can reconnect as friends.

 

I really really hope things go well for you Iceman!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sounds like she thought about it and has second thoughts, so she used the "it's not you, it's me" excuse. One of my ex's told me a story that he once broke up with a previous gf to be with this new girl... They slept together once and that new girl revealed that she only was interested in seeing if he would leave his "bad gf" for her, but didn't actually want to be him.

 

You never know what goes on in someone's head when they try to dabble with the idea of changing a friendship into anything more.

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Relevant anecdote....

 

Had these feelings of anger, no idea why, with a particular MW's H when he'd come home and not enthusiastically greet his spouse of nearly 30 years with an embrace and a kiss. I mean, stupid, right, to be angry about that. Who cares?

 

Well, we had a segue to that kind of stuff on a recent camping trip and MW confided to me that she'd made a deal with H to kiss her at least once a day and he'd failed! I could go into more intimate details but let's just say kisses are important to her. So, my weird feelings weren't me, rather picking up on her own frustration, more of which she let out during that particular encounter. I shared with her some of my own marital history and how I expressed my love for my wife and those five languages of love and how they are particular to each person and how important communication is and not expecting a partner to read one's mind.

 

Listening to her, just sitting at the campsite me and her, reinforced much of what I've heard over the decades from women whether those I was with or friend with or MW's or whatever. Feeling that primal desire is important to them. Being wanted. Loved. All of that.

 

To end the story, she talked of separation but I was still firmly in the work it out camp. No need to throw away 30 years of marriage IMO. Love her to death but there are things in life more important than that. I hope they find them. And, yeah, she kisses real good. Better directed at H though, IMO. I encouraged her to be more proactive and learn to take ambivalence and disinterest with a grain of salt. I mean, whoa, the rejections I've faced in life, including while married..... get a little calloused.

 

OP, reading your last post, yeah, BTDT. Relationship progress or they end. You made a move to progress your friendship to a romance. That has risks. One is the other person ending the friendship. Or you ending it because you can't and won't be platonic friends with someone you love romantically. Perhaps someday stuff like that won't matter for you. IDK. I'm old and seen it all so don't really mind. Women are more a hobby now than a make babies thing. Do what works for you. Good luck!

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