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What is this guy about?


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donotmicrowave

Will this be long? Probably. Sorry in advance!!

 

Met this guy (21), we’ll call him Richard, a little over a year ago. I’m soon 20 myself and have gone to visit him and his friends 3 times now for a nice break from reality. He lives in another country.

 

Whenever I’ve gone to visit him, he has seriously prepared for it.

 

A) he has gone to the hairdresser every single time right before I arrive

B) he dresses up, greets me in a suit!

C) he knows I love that he cooks, so he’s always about done cooking when I first go over. Second visit, he spent 5h making lasagne (ny favorite dish) from scratch.

D) he always plays the piano for me, my favorite songs

 

You get the idea. I sometimes stay at his place, other times at a friend’s place. When I stay with him, he cuddles me all night, squeezes me, holds my face, even my hand. And we get very touchy, but have never had sex.

 

But he fades away after every single meeting, and hits me up ca 2 weeks before I go there again. But my last visit (almost a month ago) was very strange.

 

I go over. He’s wearing a suit, cooking, looking amazing. He wanted to wear a blue suit (my favorite), but didn’t have a white shirt to go with it. He looks at me, I look at him, etc. It was a good night, friends were there, we had wine and shared stories. All a little tipsy.

 

Me and Richard’s mutual friend was also there. Was my first time meeting him, actually. We’ll call him John! Now, John got wasted. He was on another planet by the end of the night. He is attracted to me. Not genuinely, he got hurt recently and I’m just a nice distraction for him. He invited me to chat in a seperate room twice, we really do talk a lot, though. We talk about things that matter, like happiness, heartbreak, spirituality etc. We philosophize a lot. Both times that we left the group, Richard came to check on us. He stayed for a few minutes, listened, then left. I understand what it might’ve looked like, but no. Nothing like that.

 

The night was ending and I was supposed to sleep at another guy’s place. John asks me to stay, says that I will get his mat on the floor and he’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. Richard says it’s okay. I’m a bit tipsy, so I say “fine”. Then John tells me that we’ll both fit on the small mat. Fine, whatever, I don’t care. So we head to sleep, me and John on a small mat and Richard up on his small bed. Richard sees that John tries to cuddle me, but I remove his hands. Richard starts making teasing remarks “Oh my bed is so comfortable, you should come up and try it” etc. I teased back and he just got on the floor with us.. Me, in the middle of two men, holding around Richard and John trying to pull my arms away from him. Richard goes back up, John gets mad. Says that I’m more into Richard so I should just go up to the bed. He takes all my space on the mat, Richard says it’s fine, so I curl up on the small bed.

 

Richard waits for John to fall asleep and starts cuddling me. Then lifts me up and puts me down on the other side of the bed, climbs on top of me and, well, kisses me for the first time. Then the dude starts to go down on me. I pull him up, as his friend was literally 1 meter from us. We cuddle and touch the rest of the night.

 

In the morning, Richard is happy. Opens doors for me, dresses up like a bad boy with a cap and all (never seen him like that before) and drops me off at a friend’s place. We make plans to all get together in the evening again. And, this is where everything goes to garbage.

 

Richard gets distant and weird. I shake it off and stay at a friend’s place. The next day, I head to Richard’s place. John is about to leave, so we go on a long walk. Again, to talk. And I’m guessing Richard got offended as he basically punished me that night, I’d call it like that.

 

I go to bed early. He joins after midnight. Smashes the door, gets into bed with a shirt on (he never wears a shirt with me) and a different blanket. Then proceeds to stay as far away as possible from me in his tiny bed. I was confused, but fell asleep. Woke up a few hours later and put my head on his shoulder. 30sec later he turns his back. At that point, I’m very hurt.

 

I leave early in the morning (7AM) to catch a train to the airport. Richard knew I was up, but he didn’t move from the bed. Before I was about to head out, well, here’s the conversation:

 

Me: “Are you mad at me, Richard?”

R: “No, why do you think that?”

Me: “You’re different”

R, awkward as hell: “Oh I’m just tired”

Me: “Okay”

 

And I walked out.

 

He started looking for me after that. Texting me and asking if I’m walking, where am I, texted a friend to see if I’m around. When I responded later (no WiFi, didn’t see his texts), I told him I’m already on my way to the airport. He sounds cheerful and wishes me a safe flight. I don’t respond. A few hours later he texts me again and says I should’ve woken him up and he’d taked me to the train station. A) he was up, and B) he hates mornings. John wanted to get a lift to the train station at 9AM the day before and Richard wasn’t having it. So I tell him I thought he was mad and I didn’t want to bother him. He sounds cheerful and says he wasn’t mad. Pointless as it is, I leave it at that.

 

We’ve had a few exchanges after that. I had a crisis at one point and he texted a random friend of mine to ask how I’m doing as “him and his friends care about me and are worried”. But he is just gone again. I texted him yesterday with a question and he just won’t respond. Just completely fading away. I’m so confused.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
But can you guess why I named him Richard?

 

Yes ;) , but I think he was behaving that way because he felt rejected by you. Would you have hooked up with him if John hadn't been in the room?

 

I do think a man who would get mad that you wouldn't hook up with him (for the first time no less) with another person in the room kind deserves the name....Richard....

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donotmicrowave
Yes ;) , but I think he was behaving that way because he felt rejected by you. Would you have hooked up with him if John hadn't been in the room?

 

I do think a man who would get mad that you wouldn't hook up with him (for the first time no less) with another person in the room kind deserves the name....Richard....

 

I’m sure he did feel rejected. Whether it was because of that night or because me and John like to discuss everything, anything and other stuff too, without anyone interrupting.

 

I do not know about “hooking up”. Having fun and fooling around with him, nothing against that. But he’d really need that VIP ticket to actually get me to sleep with him.. But getting offended and acting like a diva about it, so unlike him.

 

Men! Damn it! :lmao:

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This is a very odd situation. Are you interested in Richard or not? If so, you really shouldnt be sleeping on a mat with John where Richard can see it.

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donotmicrowave
This is a very odd situation. Are you interested in Richard or not? If so, you really shouldnt be sleeping on a mat with John where Richard can see it.

 

I’m definitely interested in Richard, have been for a while. The mat thing sounds odd for sure, I was expecting that me and John could turn our backs to each other and sleep. Didn’t expect any type of “cuddle fest” to begin.

 

Also comes down to the type of person that I am - I mainly have guy friends as I’m terrible at getting along with women. So sleeping over at guys’ places and even sharing beds, though in today’s society it’s considered weird and even slutty, it is so normal for me. The guys who know me also know this and are respectful.

 

If I were in a relationship, I’d never share a mat with a guy. But while single, I just don’t have boundaries like that.

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I’m definitely interested in Richard, have been for a while. The mat thing sounds odd for sure, I was expecting that me and John could turn our backs to each other and sleep. Didn’t expect any type of “cuddle fest” to begin.

 

Also comes down to the type of person that I am - I mainly have guy friends as I’m terrible at getting along with women. So sleeping over at guys’ places and even sharing beds, though in today’s society it’s considered weird and even slutty, it is so normal for me. The guys who know me also know this and are respectful.

 

If I were in a relationship, I’d never share a mat with a guy. But while single, I just don’t have boundaries like that.

 

Hello again. You'll probably have to battle your "natural" self in the future. Although you did have perfectly honorable intentions, alot of guys will be turned off at seeing the situation. He's probably hurt and feeling resentful.

 

No point in acting casual and natural with ur guy friends if it makes you lose someone that cares about you (and seemingly you care about him).

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This is a very odd situation. Are you interested in Richard or not? If so, you really shouldnt be sleeping on a mat with John where Richard can see it.

 

Yes very odd.

 

Why didn't you or Richard ask John to leave?

Why was Richard OK with letting John sleep beside you?

Why were you OK with John putting his hands on you while he was wasted?

 

The situation could have been much worse or turned violent or anything.

 

You travelled to another country to meet this guy and this is how both you and him choose to behave? That behaviour doesn't sound like people intent on a serious relationship, maybe that's why he hasn't been in contact?

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donotmicrowave
Yes very odd.

 

Why didn't you or Richard ask John to leave?

Why was Richard OK with letting John sleep beside you?

Why were you OK with John putting his hands on you while he was wasted?

 

The situation could have been much worse or turned violent or anything.

 

You travelled to another country to meet this guy and this is how both you and him choose to behave? That behaviour doesn't sound like people intent on a serious relationship, maybe that's why he hasn't been in contact?

 

I wasn't supposed to stay over, not my place to ask.

No idea.

I was definitely not OK with it, I removed his hands every single time and told him to stop. I'm not like that.

 

We're both fairly inexperienced as well. I have approached Richard before (about a year ago now), but pretty much got rejected. I let go after that, but then he decided to start impressing me + the coming and going also started. He has faded away after every single meetup.

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stillafool

If I were Richard, after doing so much for you (dressing up, cooking) and you showed more interest in John I would be done. I would never treat a man I'm supposedly interested in the way you did him. I would not go off on a long walk with his friend, having long conversations with his friend, lying in bed with his friend; especially knowing that this friend had a crush on me. That would cause any potential mate to become insecure and realize you aren't the one after all. I would just view you as another chick who craves attention from males. But, since you said this was only a "break from reality" I guess this Richard doesn't mean much to you and you made it perfectly clear.

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Will this be long? Probably. Sorry in advance!!

 

Met this guy (21), we’ll call him Richard, a little over a year ago. I’m soon 20 myself and have gone to visit him and his friends 3 times now for a nice break from reality. He lives in another country.

 

Whenever I’ve gone to visit him, he has seriously prepared for it.

 

A) he has gone to the hairdresser every single time right before I arrive

B) he dresses up, greets me in a suit!

C) he knows I love that he cooks, so he’s always about done cooking when I first go over. Second visit, he spent 5h making lasagne (ny favorite dish) from scratch.

D) he always plays the piano for me, my favorite songs

 

You get the idea. I sometimes stay at his place, other times at a friend’s place. When I stay with him, he cuddles me all night, squeezes me, holds my face, even my hand. And we get very touchy, but have never had sex.

 

But he fades away after every single meeting, and hits me up ca 2 weeks before I go there again. But my last visit (almost a month ago) was very strange.

 

I go over. He’s wearing a suit, cooking, looking amazing. He wanted to wear a blue suit (my favorite), but didn’t have a white shirt to go with it. He looks at me, I look at him, etc. It was a good night, friends were there, we had wine and shared stories. All a little tipsy.

 

Me and Richard’s mutual friend was also there. Was my first time meeting him, actually. We’ll call him John! Now, John got wasted. He was on another planet by the end of the night. He is attracted to me. Not genuinely, he got hurt recently and I’m just a nice distraction for him. He invited me to chat in a seperate room twice, we really do talk a lot, though. We talk about things that matter, like happiness, heartbreak, spirituality etc. We philosophize a lot. Both times that we left the group, Richard came to check on us. He stayed for a few minutes, listened, then left. I understand what it might’ve looked like, but no. Nothing like that.

 

The night was ending and I was supposed to sleep at another guy’s place. John asks me to stay, says that I will get his mat on the floor and he’ll sleep on the couch downstairs. Richard says it’s okay. I’m a bit tipsy, so I say “fine”. Then John tells me that we’ll both fit on the small mat. Fine, whatever, I don’t care. So we head to sleep, me and John on a small mat and Richard up on his small bed. Richard sees that John tries to cuddle me, but I remove his hands. Richard starts making teasing remarks “Oh my bed is so comfortable, you should come up and try it” etc. I teased back and he just got on the floor with us.. Me, in the middle of two men, holding around Richard and John trying to pull my arms away from him. Richard goes back up, John gets mad. Says that I’m more into Richard so I should just go up to the bed. He takes all my space on the mat, Richard says it’s fine, so I curl up on the small bed.

 

Richard waits for John to fall asleep and starts cuddling me. Then lifts me up and puts me down on the other side of the bed, climbs on top of me and, well, kisses me for the first time. Then the dude starts to go down on me. I pull him up, as his friend was literally 1 meter from us. We cuddle and touch the rest of the night.

 

In the morning, Richard is happy. Opens doors for me, dresses up like a bad boy with a cap and all (never seen him like that before) and drops me off at a friend’s place. We make plans to all get together in the evening again. And, this is where everything goes to garbage.

 

Richard gets distant and weird. I shake it off and stay at a friend’s place. The next day, I head to Richard’s place. John is about to leave, so we go on a long walk. Again, to talk. And I’m guessing Richard got offended as he basically punished me that night, I’d call it like that.

 

I go to bed early. He joins after midnight. Smashes the door, gets into bed with a shirt on (he never wears a shirt with me) and a different blanket. Then proceeds to stay as far away as possible from me in his tiny bed. I was confused, but fell asleep. Woke up a few hours later and put my head on his shoulder. 30sec later he turns his back. At that point, I’m very hurt.

 

I leave early in the morning (7AM) to catch a train to the airport. Richard knew I was up, but he didn’t move from the bed. Before I was about to head out, well, here’s the conversation:

 

Me: “Are you mad at me, Richard?”

R: “No, why do you think that?”

Me: “You’re different”

R, awkward as hell: “Oh I’m just tired”

Me: “Okay”

 

And I walked out.

 

He started looking for me after that. Texting me and asking if I’m walking, where am I, texted a friend to see if I’m around. When I responded later (no WiFi, didn’t see his texts), I told him I’m already on my way to the airport. He sounds cheerful and wishes me a safe flight. I don’t respond. A few hours later he texts me again and says I should’ve woken him up and he’d taked me to the train station. A) he was up, and B) he hates mornings. John wanted to get a lift to the train station at 9AM the day before and Richard wasn’t having it. So I tell him I thought he was mad and I didn’t want to bother him. He sounds cheerful and says he wasn’t mad. Pointless as it is, I leave it at that.

 

We’ve had a few exchanges after that. I had a crisis at one point and he texted a random friend of mine to ask how I’m doing as “him and his friends care about me and are worried”. But he is just gone again. I texted him yesterday with a question and he just won’t respond. Just completely fading away. I’m so confused.

 

You've mentioned three different guys but you're only interested in one? If that is the case (doesn't really look like it) you need to sit down with Richard and explain this to him; cause it kind of looks like you're keeping your options open. You say you travel to see Richard, but you stay at a guy friends house and spend a lot of time with John, but you're confused why Richard is being off with you? Seems pretty clear to me.

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donotmicrowave
If I were Richard, after doing so much for you (dressing up, cooking) and you showed more interest in John I would be done. I would never treat a man I'm supposedly interested in the way you did him. I would not go off on a long walk with his friend, having long conversations with his friend, lying in bed with his friend; especially knowing that this friend had a crush on me. That would cause any potential mate to become insecure and realize you aren't the one after all. I would just view you as another chick who craves attention from males. But, since you said this was only a "break from reality" I guess this Richard doesn't mean much to you and you made it perfectly clear.

 

Please do not assume that Richard doesn't mean much to me. I was in a relationship where I was abused for 5 years (14-19) and have not really had a single healthy friendship in my life. I was open with everyone, welcomed everyone with open arms, gave my attention to the ones who wanted it, etc.

 

I can see why my actions show otherwise. But the reality is, I don't know any better. Especially after being rejected by Richard himself, too.

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donotmicrowave
You've mentioned three different guys but you're only interested in one? If that is the case (doesn't really look like it) you need to sit down with Richard and explain this to him; cause it kind of looks like you're keeping your options open. You say you travel to see Richard, but you stay at a guy friends house and spend a lot of time with John, but you're confused why Richard is being off with you? Seems pretty clear to me.

 

Response to stillafool also works for you. Richard arranged my stay in another guy's place, I did not go behind a corner to do anything inappropriate with John either. I'm not slutty, I don't keep my options open. I just don't know how to.

 

I can mention a lot of guys since I do not have female friends. In my mind, having guys as friends, does not indicate anything. Every single female I've been attached to has ended up hurting me.

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donotmicrowave

I talked to Richard nevertheless. I heard he was going to be in a country where I'm also going to this summer, so right now he's checking his schedule, I'm checking mine and seems like we're going to meet.

 

I know my views are so out of the ordinary. Richard also knows this. But I understand some things are just too much and give off wrong impressions. I genuinely do care about Richard, though it's very hard for me to express those feelings. But I really don't care for any other guy like that. To me, it's the same as two girls being friends. But then again, that's me.

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