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What have I done?


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Confusedone76

Hello,

 

I just want to vent. Okay so... my friend no longer wants to do anything with me because her guy friend and I started dating. Mind you she is married. But she got soooo upset when she found out that him and I said we're seeing each other. We’re all friends, and we (the guy and I) thought that she would be happy for us, cause you know we are both single. She’s so possessive of him, that’s her best friend, but she also slept with her. So I guess I broke the code for dating him now. But she’s married, how can she be soooo upset. I don’t understand. We are both closed to her and she felt betrayed. Now she won’t speak to me and is mad. But patched up things up with her guy best friend. I’m confused and was taking fault for this situation. But at the end of the day I didn’t feel I didn’t do anything wrong.

 

Will we ever go back to being friends?

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Emotions are what they are. I don't care how many years have passed, I don't want any of my close friends dating either of the guys I was serious about. I definitely don't want to hear about it. I don't want in the middle. I see things about him and the friend that they don't. I know one or the other has a big gossipy mouth and may say things to embarrass me. In my experience, the few who do this will use ME as the thing that binds them and gives them something to talk about. I recently suspected I have a situation like this with one married friend whose husband is dying and one married ex because the subject came up a couple years ago by her and I let her know how I feel about it and then warned him about her and how indiscreet she is, but that's all I could do. If they go forth, they deserve each other.

 

But just a couple weeks ago, I was texting ex from a restaurant telling him a fun song was on (we're music buddies first and foremost) and he responded saying, "Glad to hear you got out of the house and did something." Now, I'm out of the house nearly every day doing something, but because I don't go out drinking at night anymore and won't meet the old gf 60 miles away at last minute's notice when she comes to town late at night, she thinks I'm a recluse, I guess. So I am pretty sure who told him I never go out of the house and gave him that negative impression of me. I just wrote him back and said "I'm out doing something pretty much every day."

 

But see, this is the kind of irritating nonsense that happens when you cross-pollinate.

 

So my recommendation is you tell her, I'm sorry, I guess this complicated things. I promise never to talk to you about it so at least you're not caught in the middle. At least do that. Do not ever cry on her shoulder about him when you break up.

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Will you ever go back to being friends?

 

 

Based on what you wrote you have a limited amount of time during which you can break up with guy friend and tell her it's over because you don't want to upset her. At which point if not too much damage was done then you and her can patch things up and move on with the friendship.

 

 

 

Otherwise, probably not. She's way too hurt for whatever illogical reasons that human emotions do not follow.

 

 

 

It's clear that you have a choice to make.

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hippychick3

Given that she is married to someone else, I think she’s behaving selfishly and immaturely. My guess is that she has feelings for him that go beyond friendship.

 

If he were an ex who wronged her in some way, I’d understand. But this situation? She is in the wrong here. You both were single and fell for each other. I’d enjoy the new relationship and let her go if she can’t “forgive” you.

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Well, she probably thinks she wont see her best friend much if you are in a relationship with him.

 

Pretty much all guys put their gf above any friend. That's just the way it works.

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One other thing. Now she finds out you two were attracted to each other and wonders how much that played into what went on in her relationship with him. And that's a legitimate worry. Trust.

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