Lovesfool92 Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Okay so I have a best friend, we talk every single day. We worked together and we’re super flirty friends but nothing ever happened, we were just a little cheeky and say inappropriate things to each other. Everyone noticed our chemistry and even I could see the way he’d look at me. I know he genuinely cares for me. When we’re apart we are always texting or in contact and he knows all my highs and lows. On NYE over text we had a bit of a deep conversation until the early hours where we both said we like each other. He said he knows I’m not that type of girl and that he knows I’m a relationship kind of person and that he doesn’t want a relationship (he’s been hurt bad in the past he said he never wants one again) so we both knew where we stood but said he’s love to kiss me. Wasn’t awkward at all next day we carried on as normal the next day still flirting, being a little cheeky about the suggestive kiss. A week later after a lot of built up suspense we finally had a kiss. I now no longer work with with him as I left to pursue something else. A week later we had sex and continued to have sex a few times. We agreed we’d never comprise our friendship. After a couple weeks he said he thinks we should just be friends again as he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend, that he can get sex anywhere he’d rather not lose me by complicating things. I said okay. But we then still carried on having sex. Then a week went by again and he said it’s best we just stay friends as he doesn’t want to hurt me. I made my intentions clear and said I wasn’t after more than what it was with him but I accepted his wishes. He’s still as caring, supporting and lovely to me as ever, he’s still my best friend and we still talk every day. There was one evening when I said goodnight to him and he messaged later that night and said ‘I think I I’m going to get laid’ I was asleep so didn’t reply. He then messaged again at 1pm and said he got laid - I said well done and he said she’s just leaving. It didn’t make me jealous or anything. It’s been about 6 weeks since we last had sex and I’ve seen him twice. The last time I saw him he was picking me up as a favour, I said I kind of wish we were still fwb and he said doesn’t want to hurt me, I replied you won’t. He said I don’t want to hurt myself either. I tried to sway him and he said he’ll think about it but the verdict was still no, feels he shouldn’t be thinking about banging his best friend. I don’t understand him. Can I win him back as friends with benefits? Can someone relate? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 Why would you settle for FWB with this guy? I know why: Because that's as much as he's willing to offer. Don't try to fool yourself. You feel he's your best friend, you like sex with him, but he doesn't want ANY commitment with you, none. Anytime a guy says either "I don't want to hurt you" or "I'm not good enough for you," believe them, because that is exactly what is about to happen. To him, just friends, means just friends except when I can't get sex elsewhere. There is no way you should believe his excuse about doesn't want to get hurt again, blah, blah. He's out looking for women, he's having a convenient friendship/sex relationship with you. He simply doesn't want any obligation or commitment. Here's what I want you to do. Date other guys! That's what he's doing, dating other women and keeping you for convenience because you're beyond tolerant. Let's try dating other guys and see if two things don't happen. One, you meet someone and stop focusing on this thing which seems to be going nowhere in a hurry, or two, he gets real PO'd and can't believe you'd betray him that way or acts like you have low standards for doing the same thing he's doing. I mean, you have nothing but "I can't" from him, so at least date other guys. From where I stand, he's grooming you to put up with anything he throws at you, and you're going for it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 You can probably lure him back to your bed. He's a guy after all. If you get his guard down, it's not unheard of that he will give into his baser instincts. The problem is you are not listening. You think you can manipulate sex into a relationship. He knows that you are a "relationship" woman. He doesn't want to use you or lead you on with a FWB thing, when he knows he doesn't want a relationship but you do. He's trying to save you from yourself because he has integrity. Stop trying to force something he has told you he doesn't want. You will only end up resenting him because your plan doesn't work. He won't come around to your way of thinking & fall in love simply because you two bumped uglies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 (edited) You two sound young, and this is going to be his loss. A lot of people would love to be best friends with their SO while also having sexual attraction. However, the advice above to believe him is right. His words don't match his actions, and any mismatch in general means a guy is not looking out for your best interests: he wants all the benefits he can get from you without any commitment. He enjoys you but won't show up for you when you really need it. Immature guys like this who will waste your time are a dime a dozen -- no matter your age. And he's entitled too... who tells a lover that they can get another one easily anywhere? How insulting! Truth is, he knows you have real feelings and if he actually cared about your well being and respected you, he'd call for a temporary friendship break instead of saying this is casual but shouldn't happen and then sleep with you anyway. He is warning you so he can get the benefits without being the bad guy (the immature reason to warn someone). When I was in college, my best guy friend there had a crush on me, and it took him months to get up the nerve to tell me even though we saw each other every day. I cared for him and our friendship a lot, and still do 17 years later, so I said I'm sorry but no, and then I gave him 3 months of space. I did not take benefits from his feelings or give him mixed signals like you're getting. After the 3 months, we were on the same page and are still friends now. Do you feel good that you've said what you want but he's only giving you mixed signals and excuses? Do you really feel respected in a way you'd expect from a good boyfriend? He's not going to change any time soon. Edited March 18, 2018 by SpecialJ Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 PS: did he start telling you no more sex once he had this other woman lined up? Link to post Share on other sites
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