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"Friendzone" and broken relationships


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 24th February 2018, 3:18 AM   #1
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"Friendzone" and broken relationships

Hi everyone. I just wanted to get your opinion on this, especially women's opinions. Let's say, you have a guy friend. You have a great connection, your values and perspectives align, you spend good time together. You suspect that he's into you but you're not sure. After some time, he does and says things that make you sure about he's crushing for you and you pull back. After you pulled back, he realizes what's going on so he also pulls back. Now he is cold and distant, you ask what's wrong but he says he's just busy and tired so you don't ask it a second time. Your friendship is over.

I always seen women do similar things, they friendzone a guy, then they don't want to lose him so they reach out to him after a period. But this girl's not doing that. After I heal myself mentally and emotionally I might reach out to her again because I still think we're a good fit. If you were to get a text from this guy or he were to make a move to pull you back into his life after 7-8 months, what would you feel and think? What would you do?
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Old 24th February 2018, 4:21 AM   #2
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You're reaching back out because you think she's a "good fit". A good fit for a friend or a good fit for a relationship?

And in answer to your question, if he reached out via social media, I'd likely ignore it. That friendship is done and dusted.
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Old 24th February 2018, 6:18 AM   #3
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I would be a bit confused i guess on why now..which is exactly what i would ask...if he explained what you said about needing some time to heal and get himself together ....i would accept that as a reason...if he went "i don't know does it matter" .....i would say yes it matters to me.....

everyone deserves chances....but with chances normally its answers first.....i dont know if you are looking to this girl you left behind for friendship or a relationship but if its the latter .....i would suggest friendship first so that she can see you are serious about wanting her in your life and not so ...flighty..friendship before you hit the i want a relationship with you question....


you will be taking a chance of rejection....is she worth the risk of rejection to you?..deb
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Old 24th February 2018, 9:40 AM   #4
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I have been in this situation and I feel uncomfortable staying friends with someone that told me they have feelings for me. This is mostly due to the fact the I worry that my interactions with them will just give them false hope and I want them to move on as quickly and painlessly as possible.
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Old 24th February 2018, 12:40 PM   #5
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Ps: I am the he. And I didn't "confess" to her.
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Old 24th February 2018, 12:57 PM   #6
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Going by the situation you described and then you reached out again after months, I'd say "No, I think it would be unhealthy for both of us. "
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:26 PM   #7
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Going by the situation you described and then you reached out again after months, I'd say "No, I think it would be unhealthy for both of us. "
But what if I reconnect with her through our friend circle? I used to hang out with them so it's not that weird. And by showing that I hold no resentment maybe I can do this. Don't know..

And Deb, yeah, I'm willing to stick my neck out to be with her. Friendship is fine but that's not what I want from her.
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Old 24th February 2018, 6:39 PM   #8
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She's not interested in you that way. As soon as she knew you had romantic feelings, she pulled back. If a woman had ANY small bit of romantic feelings for a guy, they wouldn't pull away. I think you're setting yourself up for wasting years on someone who simply doesn't want you.
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Old 24th February 2018, 6:56 PM   #9
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I was in her shoes and I'm sorry to tell you that there is no way back, especially if she's clocked you're into her and is not reciprocating. Not only is it very awkward, it's also a breach of trust (it was to me).

Only 'reconnect' with her if you can honestly deal with being her friend; faking friendship to get in her pants is not a great move.
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Old 24th February 2018, 7:11 PM   #10
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And Deb, yeah, I'm willing to stick my neck out to be with her. Friendship is fine but that's not what I want from her.
Given that she's not romantically interested in you, how would "friends but wanting more" play out long term?

It would make it nearly impossible for you to move on and find love with a new girl. Or if you found a new girl, it would be completely disrespectful of you to be hanging onto love for the old girl.

And what about when she has a boyfriend? How is he going to feel if she's got an old mate who secretly loves her hanging about? If she respects him, she will have to ditch you.

I'm so sorry Drakon, being "friends" with her will only cause you more heartache in the long term.
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Old 24th February 2018, 8:05 PM   #11
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It depends on the woman...and your sincerity. If she is not judgemental to a fault, then perhaps you may have a shot. If she is understanding, then perhaps she will see your ability to open up to her about why you went cold towards her in the past as a simple mistake. We all do the best we can to protect ourselves and our feelings. You had feelings-they got hurt and you did not want to be used or make a fool of yourself. Nobody can blame you for trying to do what was best for yourself at the time. I wouldn't count her out of the race yet. I messed up before and friendzoned someone. I think I must have hurt his feelings without trying to. I just didn't know what I was getting myself into and my life was a mess, emotionally and I thought he deserved the best. He did right by not addressing me further at the time. It hurt though. But I knew by friendzoning him right away that I had messed up and his reactions were a result of my behavior. He did nothing wrong. I would forgive him if he ever reached out and truly thought he could start over with me and not hold it against me...but I think men are way more prejudiced against a woman not knowing what she wants initially. As long as you two are both forgiving, I don't see why it can't work. Hopefully, you can believe that she will be as honest as you are in this situation. If you don't think she can, I would recommend that you not try it. If she is understanding and worth it, then proceed as you like with her and work it out if that is what you wish to do. She must be special if you are considering giving her your attention--if she can recognize that, then you have a good start. I hope she is a good woman, like you think she is. Many of us don't get a second chance, probably for a good reason.
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:58 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by drakon12 View Post
Hi everyone. I just wanted to get your opinion on this, especially women's opinions. Let's say, you have a guy friend. You have a great connection, your values and perspectives align, you spend good time together. You suspect that he's into you but you're not sure. After some time, he does and says things that make you sure about he's crushing for you and you pull back. After you pulled back, he realizes what's going on so he also pulls back. Now he is cold and distant, you ask what's wrong but he says he's just busy and tired so you don't ask it a second time. Your friendship is over.

I always seen women do similar things, they friendzone a guy, then they don't want to lose him so they reach out to him after a period. But this girl's not doing that. After I heal myself mentally and emotionally I might reach out to her again because I still think we're a good fit. If you were to get a text from this guy or he were to make a move to pull you back into his life after 7-8 months, what would you feel and think? What would you do?
That would be fabulous if after that time he's ready for a real platonic friendship. I would welcome it.
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Old 25th February 2018, 8:22 AM   #13
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It depends on the woman...and your sincerity. If she is not judgemental to a fault, then perhaps you may have a shot. If she is understanding, then perhaps she will see your ability to open up to her about why you went cold towards her in the past as a simple mistake. We all do the best we can to protect ourselves and our feelings. You had feelings-they got hurt and you did not want to be used or make a fool of yourself. Nobody can blame you for trying to do what was best for yourself at the time. I wouldn't count her out of the race yet. I messed up before and friendzoned someone. I think I must have hurt his feelings without trying to. I just didn't know what I was getting myself into and my life was a mess, emotionally and I thought he deserved the best. He did right by not addressing me further at the time. It hurt though. But I knew by friendzoning him right away that I had messed up and his reactions were a result of my behavior. He did nothing wrong. I would forgive him if he ever reached out and truly thought he could start over with me and not hold it against me...but I think men are way more prejudiced against a woman not knowing what she wants initially. As long as you two are both forgiving, I don't see why it can't work. Hopefully, you can believe that she will be as honest as you are in this situation. If you don't think she can, I would recommend that you not try it. If she is understanding and worth it, then proceed as you like with her and work it out if that is what you wish to do. She must be special if you are considering giving her your attention--if she can recognize that, then you have a good start. I hope she is a good woman, like you think she is. Many of us don't get a second chance, probably for a good reason.
If she would ask me why I can tell her why I acted like that. But I'm not a person who opens up to people (verbally) and I prefer not to. Yeah, I hope she's a good woman as I think she is. There were women I didn't gave a second chance, for a good reason as you said. But she's not like that. Anyways thank you for your answer.

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That would be fabulous if after that time he's ready for a real platonic friendship. I would welcome it.
I might be ready for a friendship after some time. But I won't be her "girl friend with a penis" that's for sure.
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Old 25th February 2018, 9:22 AM   #14
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I may be weird but I am repelled by someone that has feelings for me if I am not reciprocating. That is if a guy has serious feelings. If he is just flirting and seems to want FWB, then I see it as more playful and can keep the friendship.

It's nothing to do with him betraying my trust or anything like that. It's the pure awkwardness when I catch him looking at me "that way" and trying to find excuses to touch me etc. I don't get the Žgo boost", I just feel sorry for the guy. People don't easily get over feelings like that, so I would prefer to stay away from them.
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Old 25th February 2018, 9:35 AM   #15
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It may depend on this womanís personality. Personally, Iím the type that if a guy Iím already into shows more signs of attraction to me, I would be more into him; on the other hand, if a guy Iím not into shows signs of attraction to me, I would be creeped out.
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