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Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:14 PM   #1
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Rejected

On NYE I reconnected with a guy I hadn't seen in many years. He implied that he was attracted to me, was I to him? A bit, yes. I want a relationship not an encounter, but it became clear after not too long that it would be one of those encounters not a relationship, which is fine.

So we got together once or twice, he's an alright guy as far as an encounter goes. We have not done IT as of this writing. He asked me out tonight to this bar for a fish fry, I said I would come out. And I thought this was going to be the night we'd have our encounter. We had met others at the bar, we chatted with others, and he said he was going to head home, and I did as well since it was a dull evening. He walked me to my car, we said our good-byes, and he kissed me good-bye. We parted. Then I drove home and picked up my phone and said "What the hell, come to my house". He said give him a bit and he'll be there. About an hour later he called and said he wasn't coming because he was feeling ill after the fried fish we ate. I said alright, he said he would make it up to me this week. I said okay, I hope he felt better.

Have I been rejected? It feels like it again. Another blow to my already fragile state.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:23 PM   #2
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seafood is the #1 leading cause of food poisoning
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Old 23rd February 2018, 11:53 PM   #3
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Damn, sorry to hear. Itís too early to tell if itís a rejection, maybe he did feel sick. Youíll know soon enough. The next time you want to do IT, consider a light meal or even better, a meal after having fun.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:45 AM   #4
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I once again feel rejected even if he was actually sick for some reason. My self esteem is hurt once again. Why do I even try?
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:11 AM   #5
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Personally, if you had called me with that offer, I would have drank some pepto bismol, showered, and been over. I would have given it "the ole' college try"...

Unless I was doubled over a toilet puking my guts out, I would have found a way to pull it together and get over to your home.

Did you eat the same fish at the fish-fry?? The last time my girlfriend & I got food poisoning, we both were very sick, equally!!

I'm sorry about the situation... But you have to keep trying...
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:30 AM   #6
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I understand you wanted to be with him tonight instead of posting here but sometimes things come up. You're exhibiting all or nothing thinking and that will either make you super happy or super sad. You have to keep things in perspective Morten.

There's a verse in the Bhagavad Gita (I'm sure there's something similar in other holy books) that I think is particularly relevant to the issues you're facing which I've shared below.

Quote:
You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions.
In this day and age where everything is results driven, it can be hard to not get anxious about the results while performing an activity. In your case, the result you're hoping to achieve is to find an attractive and compatible long-term partner. As the quote says, you are not entitled to it but you do have the right to perform your duties in achieving that goal. Here, your duty is to present your most attractive self, both physically and emotionally, and put yourself out there. Are you doing this to the best of your ability? What improvements can you make?
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:33 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
Personally, if you had called me with that offer, I would have drank some pepto bismol, showered, and been over. I would have given it "the ole' college try"...

Unless I was doubled over a toilet puking my guts out, I would have found a way to pull it together and get over to your home.

Did you eat the same fish at the fish-fry?? The last time my girlfriend & I got food poisoning, we both were very sick, equally!!

I'm sorry about the situation... But you have to keep trying...
I woke up this morning and had some intestinal bad but that usually happens after I've had a fatty meal. Otherwise I was alright.
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Old 24th February 2018, 10:58 AM   #8
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I woke up this morning and had some intestinal bad but that usually happens after I've had a fatty meal. Otherwise I was alright.
As a comparison, (last weekend) my girlfriend and I got some bad pork at a local pub. We had shared a dish. The only thing in common was the pork. We felt the effects fairly quickly, she was in one bathroom and I was in the other. Oddly we both recovered about the same time, in the middle of the night.

Well, you made your offer to him to come over... Let's see if he calls you today. Personally, I'd leave the ball in his court and see if contacts you.

If he had been truly sick, as soon as he felt somewhat better, I'd expect him to call and ask if the offer still holds.

Just my opinion... and again I'm sorry your evening didn't turn out the way you planned it.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:04 PM   #9
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I have found that if you say the equivalent of "Okay, NOW" to a guy, it throws them off. I mean, once you said that, he has to show up at your house cocked and loaded. Not every guy can just turn that on and off.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:39 PM   #10
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I am just curious if you ever rejected anyone. It always seems that you put yourself at mercy of random men and then feel like s%it when they aren't into you. Do you actually *like* this guy or any of the others you write about?
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:43 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I am just curious if you ever rejected anyone. It always seems that you put yourself at mercy of random men and then feel like s%it when they aren't into you. Do you actually *like* this guy or any of the others you write about?
I would like to know the answer to that also
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Old 25th February 2018, 2:18 AM   #12
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This particular guy? He's alright. I don't LIKE him that way but ... I figured why not.

As to others? Most of them have been OLDs, some are those I somewhat liked. Some are those that really shattered me. I don't throw it out to random dudes out there that I encounter.
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Old 25th February 2018, 10:57 PM   #13
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I am just going to let this one go. If he wants to reach out to me, he may, but ... I'm not going to pursue it any further. Probably for the best that nothing happened. But I won't sit here and feel sorry for myself, I will just say it's what it is and move on.
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