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My new friend gets mad if I donít invite her to every single thing that I do?!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 19th February 2018, 4:47 PM   #1
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My new friend gets mad if I donít invite her to every single thing that I do?!

This past September I moved back to my hometown and have been trying to establish a social life. I have one friend that I hangout with pretty frequently and I met her shortly after I moved back. Last month I went to a show by myself and she got mad because I didnít invite her! We literally hangout all the time, Iím not sure why Iím expected to invite her to everything that I do. It makes me feel like Iím suffocated! Like today for example, she texted me asking if I wanted to go to trivia tomorrow but I already committed to going to a different trivia and now Iím anxious at the thought of telling her.

I recently met a new group of girls who invited me to a masquerade party and I just want to go with them, I donít feel like I should have to invite her but I know that if I donít sheíll be mad. I donít want us to be some sort of ďpackage dealĒ, weíre each our own person. I invite her to things all the time but donít find it necessary to invite her to everything. Am I in the wrong?
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:50 PM   #2
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You're not wrong. Independence is healthy.

She may get mad enough to opt out of your life but that will be her choice.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:53 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
You're not wrong. Independence is healthy.

She may get mad enough to opt out of your life but that will be her choice.
How should I respond to her asking me to go to trivia tomorrow? I got invited to go to another one and I really want to go to this by myself. I donít want to sound mean but Iíve been predominantly hanging out with her and Iím still new to town and trying to make connections.
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Old 19th February 2018, 5:12 PM   #4
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Say thanks but maybe next week.
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Old 20th February 2018, 5:39 PM   #5
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You're going to have to have the talk with her. Tell her you like spending some time on your own and some with other friends and that you really don't like the thought of being obligated to always invite anyone along to everything because you're a free agent. She sounds like a jealous lover.

Also, do not tell her details or make excuses. Just say "I have other plans. I'm busy that night." Get her off the phone if she keeps trying to pry. She doesn't need to know what it's about just so she can invite herself along. It's not normal for another friend to invite you and be okay that you drag her along. And do NOT tell her who you're going with or where or she'll just show up or contact them and try to get invited. In fact, if she starts hinting, tell her, "I want to spend time alone with this friend and she only invited me, and that's good because that's what I wanted." Own it. Let her know you have some boundaries.
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Last edited by preraph; 20th February 2018 at 5:44 PM..
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Old 21st February 2018, 9:14 AM   #6
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Politely say no to her invite. Encourage her to explore and meet others too! Maybe, in that way she can find other friends and not just stick with you.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:27 PM   #7
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You're going to have to have the talk with her. Tell her you like spending some time on your own and some with other friends and that you really don't like the thought of being obligated to always invite anyone along to everything because you're a free agent. She sounds like a jealous lover.

Also, do not tell her details or make excuses. Just say "I have other plans. I'm busy that night." Get her off the phone if she keeps trying to pry. She doesn't need to know what it's about just so she can invite herself along. It's not normal for another friend to invite you and be okay that you drag her along. And do NOT tell her who you're going with or where or she'll just show up or contact them and try to get invited. In fact, if she starts hinting, tell her, "I want to spend time alone with this friend and she only invited me, and that's good because that's what I wanted." Own it. Let her know you have some boundaries.
thanks! I shall see how things play out this weekend. Definitely taking your advice!
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