is this possible?

[Maxmix]

Hi

 

Help me understand what i am going through better.

 

I met a guy on a dating website. we both hit it off instantaneously[we flirted but in a healthy way nothing vulgar or crossing the line...

 

but our interactions were just for a short span, i got diverted with my family issue and felt i had no time[let me say i didnt have the courage and just was scared] for any relationship at that point]. My was scared it was too good and it would not result in a commitment.

He genuinely tried to continue but i just cut off[still feel guilty about my behavior].

I had a dream at around that time when i met him and we both just looked into eyes and smiled, that dream was so strong i woke up feeling it was for real.it was soo weird i didnt know why/what was happening.

many instances in my life have happened where i have dreamt about it and it has given me a clue of the future like premonition..

Couple years passed he tried contacting and i did not respond.

 

couple years later he contacted again and i showed interest.we chatted[casual stuff] and we exchanged numbers, he called and i did not answer.no contact after that.

 

after a year i got married, and one day he pinged me while i was online we chatted a bit i told him i was married and was very happy.

 

i never tried to contact him after that. but every now and then we would chat casually just hi how are you howz work. couple years after my marriage he got married and happen to be in the same town as mine. when we met online he told me he wanted to meet me since we are in the same town. I told him sure! I told him to get his wife and my husband would be returning on the weekend[he had a travelling job then]. he got a bit upset and said he didnt mean to scare me. just a couple weeks later he frankly asked if he could meet me. I said no as I was travelling. No contact after that.

 

another year passed, and then he messaged me online asking how i was, and mentioned he got divorced...i consoled but did not try to keep in touch.

 

i hear from him once in a year or couple years just hi/hello , he once said he wanted to date but hasnt found anyone yet.

 

in one of our chats he had mentioned he wanted to marry me and i was dumbstruck and didnt know what to say.

 

fast forwad few more years, i have been thinking about him a LOT, my marrage is failing.. and i feel i made a mistake by marrying the wrong person. but I never texted/messaged him about any of my problems. and boom i see his message at 2am saying HI! he has NEVER done that messaged at that hour, he texted me and message me online at 2AM! to me it seemed like drunk texting.

 

i didnt see the text till morning and responded to his text with hi/hope you are fine too. only later to login and see he had messaged me on the messenger as well. that was weird.

 

My question is is it possbile to feel so strongly about someone not having met him/spoken to him just chat even after so MANY years?

 

when i look back i feel very guilty how i had handled everything, i never let myself give/take the chance of falling in love with the fear of heartache.I thought i could always control how i felt and what not.

 

clearly i was wrong.. if it were today i would take a chance even if it were a heartache.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Yes, it's possible because it's happening to you right now, so that proves it's possible!

 

But, since you've never met him or spent time around him, he's really just a fantasy you've had for a very long time.

 

It would be easy, since your marriage seems to be failing, to begin to fantasize about him more and more and end your marriage on a bad note. And begin a new relationship with this guy on a bad note, too.

 

Why not focus on your marriage at this point? I can see no good coming from you transferring your attention to a guy you've never met and don't really know, risking a marriage that maybe could be saved.

[Maxmix]

he asked me how i was feeling?.

 

just gave a platonic answer.

 

I am not able to stop thinking about him.

 

i dont know how to have agrip on all this.

[preraph]

Your marriage isn't all you hoped it would be, as they rarely are. You still have that ideal love in your head, as most of us do. But it's just fantasy. You long for it because your marriage is failing. But if you had been with this other guy as long as your husband, you'd see how imperfect he is too and have conflicts and issues just like there always is between two people.

 

Uncloud your judgment and cut off all contact with that guy for now and don't let it distract you from facing the issues in your marriage and working on them. Instead you're escaping through this fantasy guy and avoiding the reality. Good luck.