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"shoulder massage"


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 29th January 2018, 12:05 AM   #1
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"shoulder massage"

This new guy friend (whom I like) approached my table when I was having lunch with my friends/business partners. Since we have the same friends he engaged small talk with them while standing at the back of my chair, massaging my shoulders.The "massage" i think lasted for 5 mississippis. He then moved to the other end of the table; exchanged more pleasantries to the other group, and then he came back to our end "massaged" my shoulders again, engaged into more small talk, and then he left. What does that mean? Does he like me?
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:09 AM   #2
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thats awkward...and i would consider that he did really like you and was rather bold...almost territorial..do you like him?..what was the ratio of men to women sitting at the table....was he touchy feely with any other women at the table or just you...i would hazard a guess he does like you .....if it were a quick shoulder squeeze or two that is different...thats acknowledging friendship and most likely he would do it to everyone...coming back and doing it again....he di dthat to make sure you didnt miss the first one...lol..i actually dont know really...it would make me extremely curious.... how do you feel about him and has he shown any other signs of interest............deb
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:22 AM   #3
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phoenix7,
I don't know what you mean by '5 mississippis' but one thing is certain, you need to tighten up your boundaries.

His behaviour is totally out of order and you should have called him out on it.

He's very subtley disrespecting you.

He's shown you that he's not afraid to push your boundaries or even bust right through them.

This guy is bad news and he's already shown you that.
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Old 29th January 2018, 1:22 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
thats awkward...and i would consider that he did really like you and was rather bold...almost territorial..do you like him?..what was the ratio of men to women sitting at the table....was he touchy feely with any other women at the table or just you...i would hazard a guess he does like you .....if it were a quick shoulder squeeze or two that is different...thats acknowledging friendship and most likely he would do it to everyone...coming back and doing it again....he di dthat to make sure you didnt miss the first one...lol..i actually dont know really...it would make me extremely curious.... how do you feel about him and has he shown any other signs of interest............deb
yes, i actually have a crush on him. I also used to think he felt the same way about me too but he is running hot and cold towards me. But mind you we just met 3 months ago and we don't really see or communicate with each other everyday. Maybe he is still being cautious...? I was quite surprised because I didn't expect it from him, he used to keep his distance from me.
Nope, he was only touchy-feely with me. right after that lunch i noticed that he became more comfortable around me. He even commented on my pic in social media that night. that was the first time he commented ever since he followed me months ago.
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Old 29th January 2018, 1:35 AM   #5
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He is a nice guy actually. I used to think he has a crush on me but he would act rather standofish at times. I was just surprised with his actions because he is not like that wih me.
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Old 29th January 2018, 2:03 AM   #6
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phoenix7,

Quote:
He is a nice guy actually.
No he isn't.

He touches you in a pseudo-sexual way without invitation, and you let him?

Beware.
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Old 29th January 2018, 2:50 AM   #7
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Creepy. Is he in the Harvey Weinstein's circle?
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Old 29th January 2018, 8:11 AM   #8
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OP, you don't give your location. USA? Not that it matter, I think, but highly inappropriate, IMO. Lunch with "business partners?" If you two were at a party and the alcohol was flowing and he came into a conversation and touched your shoulder or back, even that is a BIG maybe. But at lunch with business partners he walks up and rubs your shoulders for five seconds? CREEPY! Maybe we need more context? In a restaurant near work on a weekday? A cafeteria?

As far as does he like you, it seems the answer to that is yes.
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Old 29th January 2018, 8:17 AM   #9
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Do you work with this guy?
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Old 29th January 2018, 8:37 AM   #10
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Yes he likes you.

However, since you were at lunch with business colleagues his behavior was totally inappropriate. It actually demeaned you in front of others & reduced you from an equal to a sexual conquest. His timing could not have been more horrible or disrespectful. Lunch at work is no place to express sexual desire.

The man is either clueless or real trouble. The fact that you are not totally pissed at this guy is also troubling.
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:44 PM   #11
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I hope I'm not thread-jacking, but I hope someone can explain to me why the shoulder massage is such a big deal. I don't give them to women at work myself, so I haven't experienced any reactions firsthand. However, I've received shoulder massages in the office from well over a dozen women over the years... Almost always before they ask for an IT-related favor, usually new equipment.
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Old 29th January 2018, 12:46 PM   #12
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It's overly friendly & too much touching for a work setting. I have no problem with such interactions outside work. In my office, just no.
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Old 29th January 2018, 2:22 PM   #13
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It's tacky, gender irrelevant, especially being unsolicited. Let's be honest, is this guy giving massages to his male coworkers?

His behavior was inappropriate and unprofessional, imo, and might make you the subject of office gossip. Since he's apparently not shy, he easily could ask you out.
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Old 29th January 2018, 2:47 PM   #14
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How is this even a question? Touching is almost never appropriate in the workplace. The only exceptions I can think of are celebratory hugs or posing for pictures at happy hour, or something along those lines. Do people really not understand why you shouldn't put your hands on your coworkers?

The context described by OP is particularly egregious: it's aggressive, it's demeaning, and it's humiliating. Now all her coworkers see her as someone who can be literally (or figuratively) manhandled. It puts her "beneath" her coworkers. I would have marched into the HR office that instant.

OP, I can tell you this right now - whatever his feelings, this is not somebody who respects you. Steer clear.
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Old 29th January 2018, 4:52 PM   #15
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How is this even a question? Touching is almost never appropriate in the workplace. The only exceptions I can think of are celebratory hugs or posing for pictures at happy hour, or something along those lines. Do people really not understand why you shouldn't put your hands on your coworkers?
I'm not being deliberately obtuse. I know why one shouldn't put your hands on your coworkers. However, what is written on paper (policies and guidelines) and what happens in practice are sometimes two different things. As someone who has received many shoulder massages over the years, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I was surprised by the harshness of the reactions here, hence why I asked the question.
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The context described by OP is particularly egregious: it's aggressive, it's demeaning, and it's humiliating.
I just don't perceive this situation this way. It's certainly a bit aggressive, but I don't see why it's demeaning or humiliating. I certainly never felt demeaned or humiliated when receiving a shoulder massage.
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OP, I can tell you this right now - whatever his feelings, this is not somebody who respects you. Steer clear.
This also seems like a stretch to me. I fail to see connection between his actions and respect or lack thereof.
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