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He asked me out to coffee. Am I just a friend or something more to him?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th January 2018, 6:31 PM   #16
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Well he can't be that busy if he can find the time to be a trainer.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:34 PM   #17
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Yeah, I'm sure he thought about whether it was professional or not. I'm sure it made things harder for him, but we know each other well enough that I think he realized that I wouldn't think of him as unprofessional. I think too highly of him to think that.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:37 PM   #18
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Is there any chance the coffee "date" was a friendly way of trying to get you back to the gym?
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:46 PM   #19
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Well he can't be that busy if he can find the time to be a trainer.
2nd year of med school is mostly classes where the hours are flexible and can probably work as a trainer intermittently. 3rd year, depending on rotation, he is at the mercy of the senior doctors ( 8-24 hr shifts).
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Old 12th January 2018, 7:10 PM   #20
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Yeah, I'm sure he thought about whether it was professional or not. I'm sure it made things harder for him, but we know each other well enough that I think he realized that I wouldn't think of him as unprofessional. I think too highly of him to think that.
Was his paycheck from the gym or did he just train there as an independent contractor? Just curious, as I don't really find this highly inappropriate. It's not like he's the school principal and you're the nanny who drops off a kindergartener every day .
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Old 12th January 2018, 7:27 PM   #21
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Oops. He is a second year med student. I had to think about that again. He's still in classes mostly.

And I have wondered about this being a ploy to get me to come back to work out. He never brought the topic up while we were talking though. And that gym does very well for itself. A lot of wealthy people from the area train there and pay fees.
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Old 12th January 2018, 7:36 PM   #22
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Oops. He is a second year med student. I had to think about that again. He's still in classes mostly.

And I have wondered about this being a ploy to get me to come back to work out. He never brought the topic up while we were talking though. And that gym does very well for itself. A lot of wealthy people from the area train there and pay fees.
Did he specifically ask you to do that while you were out with him?
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Old 12th January 2018, 7:46 PM   #23
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I wouldn't say it's a "ploy". At the very least, it sounds like he likes you as a client.
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Old 12th January 2018, 7:50 PM   #24
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Heís interested.

No man does that if he isnít.

Donít worry heís got a lot on his plate.
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:00 PM   #25
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Heís interested.

No man does that if he isnít.

Donít worry heís got a lot on his plate.
This is what I think, too. When you asked what he was up to, he made a point to tell you he was seeing a movie by himself. This was his way of saying, "hey! I'm single now!"
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:27 PM   #26
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Wow. You guys are the best. Thank you for the helpful responses. This has been very hard for me to figure out, and I appreciate your patience too. My last relationship ended on such a bad note about a year ago that I lost so much trust in men. But this guy is truly a class act.

I have come to the conclusion that he probably wasn't using this as a way to get me to come back. I can't see him doing that.

This was his first week back in classes since winter break, and it was mine too. Should I wait a couple of more days to see if he sends me a message? AND... Did I make it clear with my text to him the next day that I am interested too?
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:32 PM   #27
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Wow. You guys are the best. Thank you for the helpful responses. This has been very hard for me to figure out, and I appreciate your patience too. My last relationship ended on such a bad note about a year ago that I lost so much trust in men. But this guy is truly a class act.

I have come to the conclusion that he probably wasn't using this as a way to get me to come back. I can't see him doing that.

This was his first week back in classes since winter break, and it was mine too. Should I wait a couple of more days to see if he sends me a message? AND... Did I make it clear with my text to him the next day that I am interested too?
Yes, you made it clear .

And I think it's perfectly fine to send a text tonight. It's the weekend !
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:42 PM   #28
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Is there a chance that he is waiting for me to message him?

And is it also possible that since we've been friends for a year now, although not super close friends, that he would take it slower with me rather than had we met on tinder or something?

One of my friends told me she thought it was weird that he said "I'll keep in touch!" and "we should do this again!" She said it sounded like he was blowing me off. I didn't get that impression due to the context of the situation, but I did want to address that here to see everybody's thoughts. I'm a little afraid to text him right now just in case she was right.
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:46 PM   #29
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I think his texting you out of the blue when you got back in town was a bold move. What's the harm of sending him a light text?
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Old 12th January 2018, 8:46 PM   #30
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Is there a chance that he is waiting for me to message him?

And is it also possible that since we've been friends for a year now, although not super close friends, that he would take it slower with me rather than had we met on tinder or something?

One of my friends told me she thought it was weird that he said "I'll keep in touch!" and "we should do this again!" She said it sounded like he was blowing me off. I didn't get that impression due to the context of the situation, but I did want to address that here to see everybody's thoughts. I'm a little afraid to text him right now just in case she was right.
Now you know how a guy feels .
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