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He asked me out to coffee. Am I just a friend or something more to him?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th January 2018, 3:53 PM   #1
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He asked me out to coffee. Am I just a friend or something more to him?

I was working out at a gym for about a year. I had a trainer there who is also in medical school. He works there because the owner is his dad's friend and gives him random hours whenever he wants them. I am in dental school so we always talked about our programs and families, etc. We have always gotten along very well and I realized over time that he is a wonderful person and is sensitive to other people. He was on and off with his long distance girl friend during this time. He talked about her sometimes, but I think they want different things out of life.

Every now and then, he would compliment my hair or physical looks. For example, I came in with my hair curly one day and he said "Oh, is your hair curly like that naturally? It looks nice that way!" Another day he mentioned that I looked pretty. I took these as just friendly comments, but who knows. He asked me what my favorite music was, and I told him my favorite band's name. He came back the next week and said he listened to some of their songs a few days ago.

I stopped going to the gym because I had to leave the city we were in for extern rotations for a few months. He hugged me on my last day working out there. We really didn't talk for about four months. About two weeks ago, I got a text from him asking if I would like to get coffee when I get back to the city and that he would "love to see me again" - I agreed to go. I asked him what he was up to that night, and he said "I'm seeing a movie by myself haha" - I looked on his facebook to see if he was still dating that girl, but his relationship status was set to single and she was no longer on his friend list.

We got coffee when I got back two weeks later. As soon as I walked in, his face lit up and he gave me a hug. The site he chose for coffee was a place that I had mentioned in the past that I loved. He told me he chose it because a girl in his medical school program told him we should go there. He paid for my coffee and food and we talked for two hours. He seemed nervous at first. He asked me a ton of questions about where I want to end up living and mentioned that all of his friends are getting married. He asked me what my favorite restaurants in the city were, but I couldn't remember any and just said "i love whole foods." So we laughed it off. I felt that it went very well. I felt chemistry, and I hope he did too. He had to leave after our two hour talk because he had tickets with some friends for a basketball game. He hugged me goodbye and said that we should do this again. He was enthusiastic about the "lets do this again" so not sure if that matters. (I know if the guy sets up another time on the spot that is ideal, but I could also understand that some guys may not want to come on strong... who knows)

I texted him the next day. I am probably too type A and was embarrassed that I forgot my favorite restaurants when he asked me the previous day, so I texted him a list of what I called "good food places that my friends and I like" in the city we live in. He thanked me and was really happy that I remembered to send it. He said he took a screenshot so he can save the list. I thanked him for paying and told him it was nice to see him and that I know he is busy with med school, but that I would love to meet up again. He said "Of course! I'll keep in touch and we will try one of those restaurants "

I didn't have many feelings for this guy while he was my trainer because I was going through a bad breakup at the time, so I just wasn't emotionally available. Now after meeting up with him, I have had a hard time keeping him off of my mind. I'm starting to realize how perfect he is for me. I am getting mixed feelings about what this coffee date meant to him. Yes, he said "I'll keep in touch" so that gave me friend vibes, but that is something I would even say if I was into a guy so as to not come off too strong. Before he mentioned "I'll be in touch," I told him I know how busy he is, so maybe it was just his way of acknowledging that I said I know he's busy.

What is your take and should I just leave things until he contacts me again?
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Old 12th January 2018, 4:15 PM   #2
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By all means it was a date. guys don't go out of their way to ask a woman out to be friends.

Missed opportunity to show your interest: When he said he'll keep in touch, you should have responded "Please do! I had a great time getting to know you."

Don't be a wall flower....ask him out. If he says no he can't make it, and if he is interested, he will reschedule with you without hesitation.
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Old 12th January 2018, 5:18 PM   #3
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It's completely a date. No one in med school would waste time on a girl or any one-on-one if he wasn't interested. What year of med school is he?

Ask the boy out!
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Old 12th January 2018, 5:45 PM   #4
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He is in his third year of medical school. Do you think he is waiting for me to ask him out now?
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Old 12th January 2018, 5:59 PM   #5
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So how long ago was this date? I'm not clear on that.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:01 PM   #6
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The date was about one week ago.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:05 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by overthemoon1010 View Post
The date was about one week ago.
Well, it was definitely a date, but I see why you're confused . You haven't texted at all since the last text about trying one of your restaurants?
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:09 PM   #8
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Just curious: How did he get your number? Did you text each other before he initiated coffee?

To your original question: Yes, he's interested romantically.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:10 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by overthemoon1010 View Post
He is in his third year of medical school. Do you think he is waiting for me to ask him out now?
I don't know what he is thinking since I don't know him. But depending on what rotation he is on, he could have a crazy schedule. Just suggest a date and ask him out? If he is busy that day, he should offer a day he is not.

Just remember, his schedule changes monthly in 3rd year of medical school and that could affect how much and when he can see you/text you. For example, if he was stuck helping out with a 6 hr surgery, probably no going to get a text within 4 hrs.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:18 PM   #10
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He was training me in the gym, so he had my phone number from my signup form when I started a year ago. We have texted in the past, but it was mostly about setting up workout times. A few times I think we texted just to see how the other was doing if I had not been able to come in for a week or two, but it wasn't anything major. He had a girlfriend at the time that he was on and off with, so he was probably caught up in that.

When he asked me out for coffee, he started it out by saying "hi miss! how was your semester? if you're back in the area i'd love to see you again!" I knew something was up when he said that.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:22 PM   #11
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And no, I have not texted him since. So it's been 6 days since we last spoke. I was afraid that I was misinterpreting the coffee date as just a friendship thing, so I didn't want to look like I took his invitation the wrong way and ruin anything. I have no idea what to do because the other guys I've dated in the past have all been classmates of mine, so it was easy and I saw them all the time. This is a first for me.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:26 PM   #12
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But don't you go back to his gym regularly now that you're back?

I asked how he got your number, because strictly speaking, it's not the most professional thing to do when you use a client's number to ask her out.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:27 PM   #13
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sounds like he's trying to bang
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:28 PM   #14
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Well, he clearly showed interest, so I think it's fine to go ahead and ask him out. I'd ask him for a specific date, time and place, and see what he says. Chances are his schedule won't allow it, but hopefully it will get the ball rolling to set up a time that works for both of you.
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Old 12th January 2018, 6:30 PM   #15
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I'm not going back to that gym right now because the membership is really expensive. I may go back in a few months, but I've already taken out so many student loans so I'm trying to cut back. I have a gym that I can use for free at my apartment, so I'm doing that for the time being. And he knows this.
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