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Am I being ghosted?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 10th January 2018, 11:20 AM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 11
Am I being ghosted?

This past summer I met a young doctor in residence on a flight to Paris. He talked to me a lot the whole way, we went out for coffee and hit it off great. Over the past six months we have been talking via messenger. He is working in Paris and I am an American working in his country of origin (not France) while he does his residence in Paris. We have talked and he has confessed to me how he was deeply in love with a woman who left him and blocked him for something he did (would not tell me what he did). He was distraught all summer and fall and we texted and chatted a lot and became fast friends. Over the past month he has claimed he is over his ex. For the New Year he came to the country I am now working in to see his family and we spent a night together and one thing led to another on New Year’s eve and we ended up spending the night together. After that he only returned one message saying he was working (he does work 36 hours straight in residence) and when I said I missed talking to him he said that was not possible because he was “far away”. After that he stopped responding though we used to talk all the time and I did not tell him outright “hey I miss and want to be with you” because I do not know if I will be here or go back to the US soon based on my job and he knows that. I also know that he doesn’t want a relationship until he knows where his residency will lead him. Why would he ghost me? I don’t get it……
P.S. one strange thing is that when I told him not to obsess over his ex so much this summer because she had clearly d moved on he responded “Should go find and beat her”? I thought that was a weird thing to say so I asked if he was serious and he said “just upset”
Coral Evans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th January 2018, 1:12 PM   #2
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He probably knows how you feel about him but unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same way about you and doesn't want to keep leading you on. He's likely doing a fade, which is a much easier escape route. I would consider this a fun fling and move on from it.
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
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Old 13th January 2018, 5:14 PM   #3
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He was just trying to have sex with you. it's even possible his ex isn't even his ex, too. He may just be a cheater.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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Old 13th January 2018, 6:07 PM   #4
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Sounds to me like he lost interest after sex--was that the first time you guys met in person? It's possible that's all he wanted to begin with, but I would leave him alone. I think that last comment is creepy, too.

I have a friend who once talked to a girl from another state for many months over the phone and online. She even warned him that she didn't want him to have casual sex with her, that it would trigger her issues, etc. Before he left for the trip, I told him to get a separate place to stay and not to sleep with the woman unless he saw potential with her (as from all the bits of convo he told me about, I could tell she was fragile/wounded).

Anyway, he got to her state, met up with her. Didn't find her attractive, but decided to sleep with her anyway. Because, well, opportunity. Then basically ghosted her--the exact thing she had said she wouldn't be able to handle if he did it... plenty of disclaimers on her end.

Some guys are like that. Consider that all this romanticizing and build up may not have translated on his end. He lives in another country so it's a perfect out for him, too. Anyone actively talking about the ex for that long with a girl they're supposedly interested in is a red flag, regardless.
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Old 13th January 2018, 6:16 PM   #5
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I just re-read your story and realized that would have to be at least the second time you've seen him and that he doesn't want a relationship until after his residency ends. So, obviously any encounter with him was to be casual and he still doesn't want a relationship. He knows where to find you, and no doubt he knows you're interested, too. And he's choosing to ghost anyway, which lets you know that he doesn't want what you want. Try not to torture yourself with the reasons why, as they don't matter so much since the end result is the same.
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