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Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:30 PM   #331
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When a friend of a friend dies, I feel empathy for my friend, his deceased friend and the deceased friends' loved ones.

There's nothing abstract about it.
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Old 24th February 2018, 1:58 AM   #332
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When a friend of a friend dies, I feel empathy for my friend, his deceased friend and the deceased friends' loved ones.
Everyone feels that. The difference here is: how is b-dad her "friend"?
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Old 24th February 2018, 2:39 AM   #333
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JJ, you might want to be careful with b-dad for now. He's grieving and he won't be himself for quite a while. Tread lightly.

As an aside, my MW and I are planning another secret get-together. Her husband worships her, I'm into her, and she's into me. Everyone's happy!

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th February 2018 at 11:10 AM.. Reason: off topic ~T
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Old 24th February 2018, 4:34 PM   #334
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B-dad was at the game today!!

I spotted him from across the court and he was looking at me. I made my way to his side of the court - and my ex sat down right behind b-dad’s wife!! I don’t like that because it makes it more difficult to flirt.

As soon as I sat down and got settled, I looked at b-dad. He was standing next to the scoreboard with other coaches, the game hadn’t started yet. He was writing something down on a clipboard. I looked away to see where my son was, looked at b-dad again... and he was staring at me. We locked eyes for a few seconds - I did not look away. He broke eye contact. I got scared of his wife...

Game went on without incident, very intense and he was busy. At the end of the game, I was trying to pack everything up and my son was next to me talking to his father. B-dad came over and started talking to my son. He made some kind of joke I didn’t understand. I kept packing the backpack and did not look up. His wife was blocking the bleachers exit so since my son and ex had already left (even though I’d already told them “Hold on, guys!” ) I had to walk around the bleachers to get out. B-dad was the only one there, and he had his back to me, he was facing his wife.

I walked past him but chose not to say goodbye... I got flustered and thought it would be bad form to acknowledge him and not his wife... I’m always so afraid that people are going to see right through me and know how I feel.

I don’t know what to think. I talked to Camera Watch about a ceremony they have after the last game every year , she’s going to check with the league director and let me know , I told her I’d love to bring some food and favor bags for the kids. Today she told me she’d see b-dad tonight (he and his wife are having dinner at her house), so either Camera Watch or b-dad night mention something to me this Tuesday at practice.

It’s the last practice!! Next Saturday is the last game. If nothing happens this Tuesday I know nothing ever will. I think I’m okay with that.

I think I feel deflated because after my “hopefully” email, and he obviously knows without a doubt I’m into him, I was expecting we’d have more opportunities today to advance the flirting. But games are always so hectic! I guess it’s a good sign that he was talking to my son at the end when there were other kids there - the annoying mom again said goodbye to him and he ignored her.

Looking back, his wife probably wouldn’t have thought anything if I’d said goodbye to him, but I didn’t want to put him on the spot. It sounds silly now. But every time I have to make split-second decisions, I choose safety.

I really wish I knew if he’s actually into me! All of this would be so much easier 😃
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Old 24th February 2018, 4:35 PM   #335
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JJ, you might want to be careful with b-dad for now. He's grieving and he won't be himself for quite a while. Tread lightly.

As an aside, my MW and I are planning another secret get-together. Her husband worships her, I'm into her, and she's into me. Everyone's happy!
I took the time to observe him today. He looks pretty normal, joking around like he always does. But I do wish I could console him!

So are you and your married woman officially calling it an affair yet? Do you still have doubts about her interest?
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Old 24th February 2018, 6:43 PM   #336
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Op, have you considered that he hasn't responded to your emails personally letting you know of his dad's passing and that his wife is most likely the one consoling him during this time ?
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Old 25th February 2018, 6:04 AM   #337
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With the death of his father being so recent it naturally would be a time for him to reflect on the importance of family-and perhaps the current state of his marriage to his wife.

If their marriage is generally in a good place I feel his father's passing may a have a chastening effect on any flirtations.
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Old 25th February 2018, 11:08 AM   #338
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My impression is that this guy enjoys knowing the OP has a crush on him and enjoys her making googly eyes at him because it makes him feel attractive and desirable. His wife may find him desirable but after years of marriage sometimes the spouses opinion doesn't count as much because of familiarity. So the flirty eyes and emails from the OP has let this guy know he still has it and that's a boost to his ego but I don't get the impression that he's looking to cheat on his wife.
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Old 25th February 2018, 1:15 PM   #339
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My impression is that this guy enjoys knowing the OP has a crush on him and enjoys her making googly eyes at him because it makes him feel attractive and desirable. His wife may find him desirable but after years of marriage sometimes the spouses opinion doesn't count as much because of familiarity. So the flirty eyes and emails from the OP has let this guy know he still has it and that's a boost to his ego but I don't get the impression that he's looking to cheat on his wife.
Absolutely. Other than stare back and be friendly toward OP and her son (which is a subjective interpretation of his behavior by a woman who is very clearly trying to see what she wants to see in this situation), he has done absolutely nothing to indicate that he has any interest in taking this any farther. I too think he is enjoying the attention, not prepared to cheat on his wife.

Last edited by BaileyB; 25th February 2018 at 4:15 PM..
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Old 26th February 2018, 2:40 AM   #340
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I took the time to observe him today. He looks pretty normal, joking around like he always does. But I do wish I could console him!

So are you and your married woman officially calling it an affair yet? Do you still have doubts about her interest?
We never speak of it, but it's always there just kind of bubbling underneath the surface. The underlying tension of both of us knowing exactly what's going on but never discussing it is incredibly erotic and intoxicating. Like a slow burn.

When we were kids, didn't our parents teach us that "it's not about the destination, but the journey"?

You and b-dad (and me and MW) are in the "journey" stage right now. Maybe b-dad is enjoying it just as much as we are. Anyone expecting him to try and rip your clothes off the next time he sees you might be disappointed to learn that this might take a while. Like a slow burn.
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Old 26th February 2018, 3:26 AM   #341
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Ugh, just wrote a whole post that got deleted as I was about to hit send.


What journey? All that has come from months of OP-fueled pining and obsession on this thread is a couple of wife-friendly e-mails and furtive glances. So what? This woman is hot. I'm sure 99% of other red-blooded males notice and look her way, too.

This man is married. M-a-r-r-i-e-d. There's nothing in his interactions that leads me to believe that he is going to do anything more than look. I don't see him expressing his interest or dating the OP any time soon. All I see are benign interactions that are overanalyzed to fit a narrative of excitement by the OP.

I understand rarely finding yourself attracted to a man and the aspect of feeling like men are simultaneously attracted/intimidated by you (I also used to model). The bottom line is that this woman likely has her pick of men--the odds are good and perhaps the goods are odd--but has chosen to entertain herself with this non-viable, married man. There is probably something subconsciously that is keeping her from finding a guy who is available to her in every way, and looks is being used as the surface excuse.

I hope OP can untangle why she would allow someone like b-dad to take up so much of her emotional energy when he's given her literally nothing.... I'm sure it's a nice distraction, but at the end of the day, he's not there to even so much as hold her hand.
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Old 26th February 2018, 2:56 PM   #342
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OP, I'm worried about your mental health. I know that sounds harsh but my intent is to get you to see how your behavior is unhealthy. When I read your posts, it seems like I'm reading the words of a 12 year old girl with her first crush because your level of obsession is frightening. B-dad makes polite and innocuous gestures which you are determined to interpret as secret expressions of lust meant just for you. It could be helpful to see a psychiatrist.
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Old 27th February 2018, 6:05 PM   #343
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What journey?
EXACTLY - i find this entire thread incredibly disturbing. reminds me of a colleague, who confronted me out of nowhere, talking about a journey & a slow burn & this "connection" we both felt - i was BAFFLED, in my mind... i was just being nice and friendly and tried to network.

when your fantasy takes over your entire life, on a daily basis, you should be worried.
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:26 AM   #344
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just go on.. and find someone better.
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Old 1st March 2018, 6:33 PM   #345
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Updated to my last thread about b-dad!

Posting this update since my last thread was closed, but I’ve been busy since Tuesday night, when we had practice. I hope it’s okay to post it this way, but I’m not sure!

Practice night started out well - he was driving his car right beside my son and I in the parking lot. He parked and I started walking faster so that he wouldn’t catch up to us. I needed some extra time.

But then my son wanted to change his sneakers in the hallway... I knew b-dad was coming. I was opening my son’s backpack and did not look up when I saw b-Dad turn the corner. He stopped and said, completely unprompted:”Last practice...” I said “Yes, I know!”, still not looking directly at him. He said “I can’t believe how quickly it’s gone by...”. I said “It really has!”. Still not looking at him.

He walked past us and I heard him saying and walking back toward me “I’m going to send out an email tomorrow about the celebration after the game on Saturday...”. This time, I stopped what I was doing, turned around completely so that I was facing him, and said “Oh yes! I had asked [Camera Watch] about that!” Then he gave me some details about what the league director had said and mentioned allergies, I smiled and said “Yes, I’m used to cooking nut-free for his school”. He smiled and we exchanged a few more pleasantries. I felt my interest in him sagging.

I couldn’t put my finger on why. My first thought was that he doesn’t drive a German car! 😂 But I don’t think that’s what it is. Maybe I’m just tired of all the mystery? Not sure, but I wasn’t engaged during practice, I spent most of the time looking at my phone.

My son and I left quickly and I made sure to sit in the back of the restaurant - I wanted to see if he’d seek me out on his way out the door.

He did!

The restaurant was crowded and I was far from the entrance, but still facing it. He walked by, looked inside the restaurant, stopped and waved goodbye at me. I waved back and he started mouthing something to me. I signaled that I couldn’t hear him... He knew this. He was not standing close enough for me to hear him!

And then he made his way through the crowded restaurant and came up to our table! He said “I’m going to send out that email tomorrow”. The same information he had already given me. 😃 I said “Great! Do you know how long the celebration will take?” He said “Probably about an hour”. I acted surprised and said “An hour?!”. He backtracked and said “No, no... Maybe more like 20 or 30 minutes...”. We continued to talk and I’m not sure exactly what we said.

Then he turned to my son and said “Can I have a bite?” My son just smiled. B-dad said “Maybe next time...”

I immediately felt as if he wanted me to ask him to join us. I stopped myself. A part of me knew exactly what would happen if I did. I felt sordid and guilty. I wanted to tell him “There won’t be a next time, we have run out of time.”. But I kept quiet and simply said goodbye to him. I still don’t know why.

So last night he finally sent out an email at around 9:00 pm! He wrote about the celebration and added “[My name] has offered to bring a dessert for the boys. (Thank you, [My name]!!). Now all the parents know... But that’s ok.

I replied to him at almost 10:00 pm, saying he was very welcome and that I’m also making basketball favor bags for the boys, so it should be a good end to the season. Nothing else... He replied to me at almost 10:30 pm, saying “That’s awesome! Thanks so much! See you Saturday.” This was only mildly interesting to me. I found myself not caring.

So this Saturday I’m baking sugar cookies and decorating them as basketballs, and the favor bags are ready to go... I can’t even say I’m looking forward to seeing him one last time. Maybe I’ve just lost all hope that he will make a move, or my conscience is getting too loud to ignore...
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