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Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 28th January 2018, 7:37 PM   #226
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Originally Posted by JJacobs View Post
Thank you, dear! I appreciate your concern. This has become a big deal to me because I am almost never attracted to anyone... I havenít met anyone with his combination of qualities in a very long time! Itís almost unheard of. I wish I could explain it in words, itís a very peculiar quality he has... Heís a Sales guy so Iím sure he has been successful because of it. 😃 But youíd have to meet him to know what I mean. Right now, Iím weary of holding myself back because I might suffer for it. I can take the suffering.

I hope your situation normalizes!!
I too am never attracted to any other men, in fact itís been over over 25 years since Iíve been attracted to another guy, I too am an attractive gal, in fact I used to model as well. I understand that, I am crazy attracted to my MM, which makes it hard to say no if your mm starts sexting you, are you going to be able to control yourself and not touch him?? I get you donít seeing how your already addicted to him. Once you have that intimate connection with him, itís harder to get over the addiction of him. I donít want to see you hurting over a guy you canít have, I know itís all fun and exciting and you think it is all innocent because you havenít ďdoneĒ anything ďyetĒ I totally get it. Your in the fog, heís not yours to play with. Your already addicted to him. Ughhh...

My situation is going to get better, I had my chance again with my MM and I am passing it up because I know better, Iíve learned my lesson and need to go NC.
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Old 31st January 2018, 9:54 AM   #227
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If anyone is still reading this thread, Iíll continue to post because it helps me to process everything!

So, last night was practice... He and I continue to play cat and mouse. But I definitely feel the effects of my apparent lack of interest last Saturday at the game, when he kept approaching me and I was too nervous to be anything other than nonchalant - he was a bit more subdued yesterday.

He got there almost on time for practice, different because heís always early like me. He just said ďHi how are you?Ē and started shooting hoops with the boys. I felt deflated, he usually tries to talk.

During practice, there was the usual attention from him, the glances, paying attention to what I did, smiling. Iím used to this, so nothing out of the ordinary.

At the end, he came close to where I was and I heard him tell another parent the game time this weekend. That parent walked away, he told me the same. I looked at him and said ďGot it. And just so you know, if you email us this week, I may not get it. The email you sent on Saturday morning, I didnít get it until yesterday afternoon!Ē. He said ďYes, Iíll probably send an email at some point...Ē. I said ďGood, Iím having issues with my email account so if I donít reply, itís because I didnít get it...Ē He smiled and said something else I donít remember. It was so rushed and I felt pressured to talk fast, there were so many people around us.... My son wanted to go get a sandwich so I just packed everything up and left - he had his back to me.

Again my son and I were sitting in the restaurant... I was sitting facing the exit and he walked by. I was already feeling rejected by his having his back to us when we left, so I decided not to look at him.

Then I hear him say ďHe always gets a sub, doesnít he?Ē. I look up, smile, and say ďHe has dinner before coming here, then a sub!Ē (Wanted him to know I feed my child &#128515 He was walking as he said it, then he just said goodbye with a ďHave a good night!Ē and I did the same...

But then last night, after practice, he went to my LinkedIn... I assume Facebook as well, since his profile was the first showing even before his wifeís (hers had been first for a couple of weeks), and it changed last night! (Facebook DOES show who views your profile, you just need to know the trick.) On Facebook, I had posted The Pretendersí ďDonít get me wrongĒ, which is exactly how I feel when I see him! 😃 I hope he makes the connection. I changed it to another song this morning.

So, the social media visits show me that thereís at least some interest... I just donít know how to psych myself up to show him mine any more than I have.
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Old 1st February 2018, 12:14 AM   #228
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Originally Posted by JJacobs View Post
So, last night was practice... He and I continue to play cat and mouse. But I definitely feel the effects of my apparent lack of interest last Saturday at the game, when he kept approaching me and I was too nervous to be anything other than nonchalant - he was a bit more subdued yesterday.
You have to remember that he's a man, and we tend to react to things in a more straightforward fashion than you ladies do. What I mean by that is, what you might consider a "move in the game", to him might feel like actual rejection. Remember your "strategic withdrawal"? To b-dad it probably just felt like withdrawal because you weren't interested.

Feigning interest seems to be a fun game for women. But, be careful that we don't interpret that as real disinterest. Because if we do, we're moving on and we're not looking back. Acting like you're not interested in a guy (even if you are) is painful to him and who wants to feel pain?

Men don't like playing games with women. It's not that they aren't fun, it's that we don't understand them. We're incapable of it. How can you play a game when you can't understand the rules?

EDIT: "Don't Get Me Wrong" is so, so awesome of a song.
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Old 1st February 2018, 4:48 PM   #229
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Facebook DOES show who views your profile, you just need to know the trick What's the trick JJ ? I WANT to know too!

How long have you been in touch with B-Dad? I think there is an inflection point that naturally happens in interpersonal interactions, just the initial intensity can't stay constant for too long. So maybe that's what you're noticing with him, or, you maybe right, he misinterpreted your pull back with lack of interest. Time to dial up a bit from your end.
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Old 1st February 2018, 7:59 PM   #230
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I agree with both of you - maybe stepping back was a mistake. Maybe heís either intimidated by the coach/parent thing and my withdrawal means he got confused. Now all I can do is calm my nerves when Iím around him and try to show that he was right the first time!!

As for the FB trick, I found out about it after a lot of testing!

I have an alternative profile that doesnít interact with me on FB in any way, except for looking at my profile. So I looked at it from my main profile and , as usual, for a couple of days it would show first when I typed in the first name. Then it would drop in the search results, meaning it would no longer be the top result.

Then I gave it two months and didnít look at it from my main profile at all. No interaction from me. My alternative profile no longer showed as a result.

Then I used the alternative to look at my main profile pretty heavily - I looked at pictures, the About section, likes, etc. After doing this one day, that night my alternative profile shot to first result when I searched for its first name!! Since it had been looking at mine, my main FB search results showed it. The alternative profile shows as a top result when I type its first name, last name and both first and last names. This happens when that person has been viewing your profile consistently.

I hope this is understandable... This also happened with a lady I know - I had never even looked her up on FB, sheís not in my contacts, nothing - she told me she had gone to my Facebook and a couple of days later, I was searching for a FB friend of mine with her same first name, but guess whose profile showed as the first search result? Thatís right, the lady who said sheíd visited my profile a couple of days earlier!

FB will never admit to this, of course - but it is true!!

Iíll see him again on Saturday... Iím hoping for something better 😃
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:08 PM   #231
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Sorry I have to break my NC with this thread again.
Why do you have to do things in such a convoluted manner? If you want to know who have viewed your fb, just install the damn app. Also, the not receiving his email line is just lame (I wonder who would buy that lie). If you wanna text him, just do it already!
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:16 PM   #232
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Sorry I have to break my NC with this thread again.
Why do you have to do things in such a convoluted manner? If you want to know who have viewed your fb, just install the damn app. Also, the not receiving his email line is just lame (I wonder who would buy that lie). If you wanna text him, just do it already!
June not to speak up for JJ, but I can tell you from experience why people do things in convoluted manner: it is for the perceived safety. I'm very intrigued by this thread because I recognize behavioral patterns that I have experienced myself.

OP: regarding push/pull - just don't overthink it but play by ear. That's the only way that is 'natural'. For a more intuitive person playing games (intentional push/pull is very easy to perceive, you don't want that). If you're feeling shy and pulling back - it is okay, if you're doing it as an attention game - it is not. The nuance is subtle but enough for trained eye.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:59 AM   #233
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No Go and World, great posts!! And my thoughts exactly. 😃

I think Iíve been holding myself back from showing him out of shyness - I did have an intent to step back, but whenever Iím close to him, I get super nervous and step back without meaning to. Not to play games, I simply get overwhelmed by my feelings and shut down. Even when he stares at me, I immediately look down - I canít hold his gaze, even though I want to! My senses overwhelm me and I do exactly the opposite of what I want to do.

Iím still at the point of gauging his interest by showing him mine - itís this part that gives me trouble! 😊 Tomorrow Iíll do better... I know he wants me. I can feel it. World is absolutely right in his assessment... And so is NoGo when it comes to my ambivalence in showing interest. I messed up.

When I see him tomorrow, Iíll try to make up for it... Show him that no, itís not his imagination!! 😃
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Old 2nd February 2018, 1:39 PM   #234
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I love Fridays!

It’s one of the days when my cleaning lady comes, so the house is deeply clean and all the laundry is done. I’ve spent this week meeting other stay-at-home moms for coffee and reflecting on my life.

I have to say - I have an incredible life! Not only is my son happy and healthy, but I’m able to be his mom full-time, and to make a lovely home for us, without having to worry about provision or anything else. In therapy, I’ve identified financial security as my number one need, and it has been met. I literally have zero worries in my life - how many people can say that?

This brings me to where I’m placing b-dad - he is a want, not a need. I’m pretty happy with him as a distraction, but with how full my life is right now, I honestly don’t know if I have room for a full relationship with a man. Casual sex isn’t acceptable to me, so even if I did decide to be with b-dad, my choices with him would be limited. This is something else I’ve learned in therapy - I need to be in the driver’s seat in every area of my life, and yet I find it difficult to be attracted to men who allow it.

It’s a tough conundrum - but I’m trying to figure it out. I’m keeping b-dad as a fun possibility, he’s not my every thought or even close to it! Here’s the extent of his influence on me: today I’ve picked out an awesome outfit for tomorrow - burgundy, a color I look great in, and burgundy lips... I’ll be extra careful with my contouring, get my hair done in soft, full waves, and I’ve yet to pick out the jewelry. I don’t overdo it, but it’s lots of fun figuring all of this out in advance!! I know that when I feel I look fantastic, I am a lot less self-conscious and that should help me tomorrow.

As for now, I’m watching the lovely Judy Garland on TCM and drinking some hot green tea - my beauty drink! My son should be home from school soon and we have some friends coming over tonight. Then tomorrow will be here soon enough and maybe another update then! ��

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 2nd February 2018 at 9:15 PM.. Reason: rude ~T
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:13 PM   #235
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I love Fridays!

It’s one of the days when my cleaning lady comes, so the house is deeply clean and all the laundry is done. I’ve spent this week meeting other stay-at-home moms for coffee and reflecting on my life.

I have to say - I have an incredible life! Not only is my son happy and healthy, but I’m able to be his mom full-time, and to make a lovely home for us, without having to worry about provision or anything else. In therapy, I’ve identified financial security as my number one need, and it has been met. I literally have zero worries in my life - how many people can say that?

This brings me to where I’m placing b-dad - he is a want, not a need. I’m pretty happy with him as a distraction, but with how full my life is right now, I honestly don’t know if I have room for a full relationship with a man. Casual sex isn’t acceptable to me, so even if I did decide to be with b-dad, my choices with him would be limited. This is something else I’ve learned in therapy - I need to be in the driver’s seat in every area of my life, and yet I find it difficult to be attracted to men who allow it.

It’s a tough conundrum - but I’m trying to figure it out. I’m keeping b-dad as a fun possibility, he’s not my every thought or even close to it! Here’s the extent of his influence on me: today I’ve picked out an awesome outfit for tomorrow - burgundy, a color I look great in, and burgundy lips... I’ll be extra careful with my contouring, get my hair done in soft, full waves, and I’ve yet to pick out the jewelry. I don’t overdo it, but it’s lots of fun figuring all of this out in advance!! I know that when I feel I look fantastic, I am a lot less self-conscious and that should help me tomorrow.

As for now, I’m watching the lovely Judy Garland on TCM and drinking some hot green tea - my beauty drink! My son should be home from school soon and we have some friends coming over tonight. Then tomorrow will be here soon enough and maybe another update then! ��
You know, I was living your life many years ago. It was fun but I did become bored with no excitement on a daily basis...

I can see why you'd want to tease and play with this guys enotions...

Have you ever considered volunteer work a few times a week to keep you focused, occupied and feeling like you're donating time/energy towards a positive outcome each week?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 2nd February 2018 at 9:16 PM..
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:17 PM   #236
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I literally have zero worries in my life - how many people can say that?
Not I!

Bless your heart.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 5:25 PM   #237
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IF something does eventually happen between the dad - I'd bet money you will no longer be able to say you have no worries.

If/when his wife would find out everything will change - and it won't be pretty.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 7:59 PM   #238
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I love Fridays too!

My boyfriend and I snuck away from work early this afternoon to meet up for a quickie! I have no worries and a big smile on my face today too...

Bless your heart indeed!

Last edited by BaileyB; 2nd February 2018 at 8:15 PM..
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Old 3rd February 2018, 1:02 AM   #239
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Just read this entire thread. Awaiting tomorrowís post-game update...
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:10 PM   #240
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Iím ecstatic!! 😃

I used to have doubts about whether b-dad was interested or not; not anymore!! The way he acted today has told me everything I needed to know. And I finally managed to show him my interest, too!

I got to the basketball court with my son and my ex.... I am standing by the door and immediately see b-dad across the court. He is alone and walking to the other side of the court. Our eyes lock... He keeps walking and staring right into my eyes! I did NOT break eye contact. And he only did because he almost walked into another person standing there 😃 This must have taken a good 10 seconds! There is no way that a man whoís not interested will do that.

I got up from my seat and walked in front of the bleachers to get some water. A man I donít know was walking towards me. He stops walking and just stands there looking at me walking by... This happens quite often, but in this instance, I wanted to see if b-dad was watching, so when I got to the door, I looked back.... and b-dad was looking at me, then he looked at the guy! I smiled and walked out.

The game was awesome!! We won! Our first win of the season... My son came to see us at the bleachers and I noticed that b-dad had grabbed my sonís water bottle. Before my ex could go get it from him, I very quickly walked over to b-dad... He smiled wide when he saw me coming over! I said ďI think you have my water...Ē and he handed it to me... and touched my hand in the process. I almost passed out! My brain stared to spasm so I just said thanks and left.

Again, the three of us were sitting in the restaurant and b-dad walked by... I immediately told himĒCongratulations on winning!Ē , he smiled and said it was the team, they did great, etc. The cute thing was that as soon as I congratulated him, he smiled, looked down at his feet, then back at me! Heís so shy!

Iím very, very happy. Thereís no doubt in my mind that heís interested, and heís not hiding it, either. See, men act interested in me all the time, but I can see them actively concealing it from their wives/girlfriends. I honestly didnít even care to look at where his wife was or wasnít in all of this! Apparently, neither did he. Heís not trying to hide anything, and yes, he wants me!

😃😃😃

Now I have to go pick out a nice song for Facebook and another fantastic outfit for Tuesday!! Iíll dial it up even more then. I was able to stare at him without breaking eye contact, which was my first goal... Practice this week should be interesting 😊
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