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Threesome with FWB


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 9th December 2017, 6:25 AM   #1
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Threesome with FWB

Need a bit of advice! My FWB and I have been sleeping with each other for over a year. I feel we have a good thing going on. From my point of view, we get on well, I feel there is an amazing sexual chemistry between us and I feel very sexually "free" with him. He never pushes or expects from me, so this makes me feel quite relaxed with the idea of a threesome with him. It's not an emotional relationship, as I'm quite closed off in that department, but I'm very fond of him and would like to preserve what we have for as long as it works.

We have found a potential third, who seems really cool and we're going through that process now of getting to know her. I've suddenly thought though that should my FWB and I have a "code of conduct" between the two of us? I mean, if either decides to see the other girl individually or are chatting privately with her. I mean we're not in a "relationship" but we are the ones with a history and I hope we can have a bit of honesty/transparency. I just don't know what to ask or how to say it, if that makes sense?!
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Old 9th December 2017, 6:31 AM   #2
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....I'm very fond of him and would like to preserve what we have for as long as it works.
The moment you introduce a third, the dynamic will completely change.
Whose idea was it to open up the "relationship"?
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Old 9th December 2017, 7:03 AM   #3
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You should tell him exactly what you said here. It doesn't sound in any way out of line.
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Old 9th December 2017, 7:12 AM   #4
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The moment you introduce a third, the dynamic will completely change.
Whose idea was it to open up the "relationship"?
It was my idea. It's something that I wanted to explore and I felt like I wanted him to be part of that process. Well I still do, but now it's becoming a reality, I'm reflecting on how this potentially could change our "relationship". We will never be partners, so I'm not harbouring any notions of us being together, but I'm suddenly considering the different permutations.
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Old 9th December 2017, 7:18 AM   #5
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You should tell him exactly what you said here. It doesn't sound in any way out of line.
The code of conduct bit? I'm trying to process how I would feel if I knew he was seeing her on his own. We both have been seeing other people in that time and it's been an unwritten rule that we don't ask/don't talk about it. I don't feel jealousy, because what we have is ours. However, inviting a third into our situation is totally different and I'm trying to determine how I will feel if he saw her without me.
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Old 9th December 2017, 10:26 AM   #6
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It's probably a good idea to discuss this with him (and perhaps her), and at least agree that it doesn't change your overall agreement. Most important, perhaps, is that this may be a one-time event, and would only be repeated if ALL of you want to do so and NONE of you has any reservations about doing so.

Aside from that, if either of you want to see this third person separately, your existing agreement of DADT mostly applies. However, since you will have both had sex with her, is there a difference? Is there any reason either of you couldn't see her separately? Also, don't get upset if she - or any of you - seems to get more attention during the threesome. She's new, and as such will probably be the focus. If you repeat the scenario, it will balance out. So, don't freak out or get upset.

In FWB there is always a risk that one of you will meet someone and want to pursue a traditional relationship, ending the FWB. Sad, but almost inevitable, it seems.

Anyway, I've had a number of FWB threesomes, with two FWB, or my wife and a FWB. They've all been fun, and no complications have resulted. We didn't have any new rules for these - we had few rules to begin with. The main rule is that if anyone is seriously uncomfortable, we'd stop. Someone may experience some jealousy, so perhaps this should be discussed ahead of time. Jealousy isn't worth the effort here, and will only ruin a potentially good experience for everyone - still subject to stopping if one of you is seriously uncomfortable.
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:37 PM   #7
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Thanks Central for your advice. I think once we have both had sex with her, DADT isn't applicable because she's in both our orbits. I have managed to chat with FWB re what I was worried about and he had fears as well (what if she is more interested in me etc). So we're both in this together at this point, after it happens, we'll see!
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Old 18th December 2017, 3:31 PM   #8
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I think you're in a good spot emotionally. You seem prepared and have had the conversation.

The only thing to do is have a GREAT time.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:30 PM   #9
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I fail to see why there needs to be a code of conduct. You seem to be adamant that there is no relationship .. just FWB. So he really owes you nothing nor needs to explain himself. How exactly him taking initiative to sleep with this third any different than him sleeping with anyone else?
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:39 PM   #10
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I fail to see why there needs to be a code of conduct. You seem to be adamant that there is no relationship .. just FWB. So he really owes you nothing nor needs to explain himself. How exactly him taking initiative to sleep with this third any different than him sleeping with anyone else?
FWB is a relationship. They obviously mean something to each other. And if either of them feels like this third is different from others, then she is.
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Old 18th December 2017, 7:51 PM   #11
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The code of conduct bit? I'm trying to process how I would feel if I knew he was seeing her on his own. We both have been seeing other people in that time and it's been an unwritten rule that we don't ask/don't talk about it. I don't feel jealousy, because what we have is ours. However, inviting a third into our situation is totally different and I'm trying to determine how I will feel if he saw her without me.
More than likely if they start seeing each other on the side you won't know anything about it so don't worry.
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Old 18th December 2017, 9:31 PM   #12
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Hum....

Once upon a time I had a FWB for a few years. We each dated other people - and would share with each other about it.

While I enjoyed our "relationship" and generally liked him, we as a couple were never meant to be. He really was a friend that I had great sex with - never felt even a twinge of jealousy, we shared freely about our escapes with others.

That said.... I don't know why, but I feel like a threesome would infringe in a different way. Dating, new lays etc was one thing, but our arrangement was "our thing".
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Old 19th December 2017, 7:55 AM   #13
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RecentChange:
That's why I had to question a process this. I'm actively changing "our thing" by having encouraged this. I was surprised when I thought of the different outcomes and had to consider my feelings. However, having got to know our third, I'm so excited that this is happening with both of them. It may mean changes between fwb and myself but I'm enjoying this direction.

grays:
Thank you! FWB is still a relationship and I do care about him. Doesn't mean I want him but I hope we care about each other's wellbeing.

cali408:
I can't wait!!!!! I'm sure I'll update
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Old 7th January 2018, 8:13 AM   #14
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Update:

Threesome was amazing and I'm so glad I got to experience it with my FWB. The girl was so sexy and fun, she was also very respectful of our fwb bond and I'm glad we chatted about that beforehand. She's lovely and I think will become a good friend.

What I wasn't expecting to experience was it being quite an intimate emotional experience with my fwb! After the girl had gone, we really opened up to each other (not about our feelings for each other though). I felt very connected to him and I found that very overwhelming. Not much contact since though and I suspect it's because we've shown each other some of our vulnerabilities. So things have changed there.
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Old 7th January 2018, 9:07 AM   #15
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Update:

Threesome was amazing and I'm so glad I got to experience it with my FWB. The girl was so sexy and fun, she was also very respectful of our fwb bond and I'm glad we chatted about that beforehand. She's lovely and I think will become a good friend.

What I wasn't expecting to experience was it being quite an intimate emotional experience with my fwb! After the girl had gone, we really opened up to each other (not about our feelings for each other though). I felt very connected to him and I found that very overwhelming. Not much contact since though and I suspect it's because we've shown each other some of our vulnerabilities. So things have changed there.

OR sad to say you were not the only one to have found the other girl to be "so sexy and fun".
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