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Does she want more than friendship and is it worth the risk?

Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 16th October 2017, 9:02 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3
Does she want more than friendship and is it worth the risk?

Hi everyone. Just to warn you in advance, this is going to be a long post but I need to get some things off my chest!

So I've been friends with this girl for about three years now. We're both in our early 20s. I met her through a mutual friend at a party. I wasn't attracted to her right away as I was seeing someone at the time and so was she. We hit it off though and became very close friends. She's one of my best friends and definitely my closest female friend. I feel like I can talk to her about anything. We've always helped each other out when it comes to relationship problems etc. I care about her a lot and have thought that she'd make a good girlfriend but we've always been strictly friends until recently. In the summer of 2016, she fell pregnant by the guy she was seeing and he left her a few months later. Since she had the baby five months ago, he hasn't been in their lives at all and unfortunately isn't even contributing financially. Basically, he's a real scumbag.

Anyway, last month the two of us went out together along with a big group of friends to celebrate a birthday. We both ended up pretty drunk and, whilst we were dancing, she leaned in and kissed me and I kissed her back. Afterwards she told me that she loves me but she's afraid of "ruining what we have". We've been intoxicated around each other many times in the past and this sort of thing has never happened before. Since then, there's been a couple of signs that she may be interested in me as more than a friend.

Firstly, she sent me photos of her in some new clothes that she'd bought and then quickly sent a message saying she accidently sent them and they were supposed to go to her sister but what did I think anyway. Then she invited me over her place for dinner, which she had never done before in three years of knowing each other. It wasn't romantic at all though, in fact her mother and baby were there too! I thought I'd return the favour and said I'd cook her dinner last Friday night if she wanted to come over. She did but she had to bring the baby with her as she couldn't find a sitter. That kind of made it a little more awkward and not feeling like a date as I'd hoped it would. Whilst we were eating, she said she liked it and, now she knows that I can cook, I'm "the perfect guy". After she left, I beat myself up a little bit for not having the guts to make a move. She messaged the next morning saying thanks again for dinner. On Saturday night, I went out with friends and a girl I had a thing with a few months ago was also there. She ended up staying at my place as she said she didn't want to go home but nothing happened. I don't have feelings for her anymore and she was way too drunk to know what she was doing anyway. I let her sleep in my bed and I had the sofa. Yesterday, my friend found out that the girl had stayed over at my place and messaged asking if anything happened and I told her no.

Do these sound like signs that she is interested in taking things further with me or is it just wishful thinking? I've asked some friends and most of them say she wants more. Some of them are saying she might just want a dad for her baby but I don't think that's the case at all as I'm not rich or anything and don't think anybody would say I'm father material! I'm usually not this hesitant in making moves on girls I like but with her, it's totally different. I want to be sure that I'm not going to be rejected because it could completely ruin our friendship and make things extremely awkward. Thanks to anyone who read this whole thing and I'd appreciate any advice from guys and girls.
ThatEnglishGuy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th October 2017, 3:51 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 19,136
Okay. Slow down. Stop thinking about "making a move." Start thinking about how you'd behave if this was a new girl you wanted to date.

Ask her on a real date where you pay and take her someplace you can afford but that is obviously a "date" and leaves no doubt in her mind. Assuming she has childcare, tell her like a week in advance so she can make arrangements and ask her on a real date. If you're more comfy, text her, but be clear: "Sandra, would you like to arrange a babysitter for next Friday and let me take you out like on a real date?" Pull that bandaid right off right up front. Give her a day to respond after she realizes the import of this new twist.

She either will or she won't and you can stop wondering. If she says yes, do it like a new date with a new woman, be a gentleman and all that rot, and kiss her at the end of the night. Next date, see if things further develop. Or maybe she'll grab you up the first date, who knows. Good luck.
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
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