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Sounds like we should just let it go....


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Here is a story......

 

What do you do when a friendship seems to be going in reverse. Coworker. Nice friendship over time.

 

Everyone that knows us find it nice and a great rapport. But they assume too much. It has always been a kind of protective thing. He would put up w my venting and friendship and need for advice and I would support his projects and need for advice. Not so much a friendship but more of an attachment. I was so proud of how he was doing and had told him so.

 

Last I had heard he was leaving the area and I was supportive but sad. I was not happy about him leaving and had told a number of my friends, hoping it just would not happen. Wishing it was a passing idea and would just go away. Did not want to tell him what to do. I was hoping the company would counter.

 

Many new things ahead for both of us. Typical day.....I like to drive the long way on errands. Just forget time and listen to the radio. The other day I actually was in his neighborhood being just a bit of a risk taker and still having a few errands to run. Sure enough we come to the same stop sign. I could not even bear to look at him.

 

it is his home neighborhood. He has a right to be there. I was just there by happenstance. A normal person would have waved. I just looked away. Preoccupied. 2 min were eternity. I wish we could laugh about it someday but right now it seems rather pathetic.

 

I left took off willing myself to be completely invisible.

 

Later that night I sent him a note. Odd note of some such rambling conversation I was doing and wanting his viewpoint on. Not unusual for us really, just kindof roundabout. A modest paragraphg. Normally he would just ignore it or write back easily....

 

Well sure enough he wrote back. Cold. "Please do not send me notes like these in the future."

Was it the timing, the company restrictions, the font. or likely just his clear wish I would just go away.

 

Pretty clear. Sad really.

 

Of course I had to answer. Waited a day ,,,,,do not have enough spine to be really clear myself.....just an "unintended...i am sorry. I found what I needed...thanks". Really pathetic I think.

 

How I wish I could just take back the last month. Proclaimed to countless folks how I was unconditionally supportive.

 

Ridiculous. There is no such thing. I thought I was. But then why would I have been so stupid to be on the street and not even say hello. Because it was not real and he is real and seeing me was real and it is way too over the top and has to end. And he knows it and I really should know it by now.

 

Maybe we will laugh about it someday. Maybe it is just a phase. I have years ahead working together. Maybe should just bring it up and clear the air completely.

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Ha- well good advice has been to give everything time, space and indeed all will laugh later. There is always the best yet to be and good memories are precious. There is a reason we are in each others path and a reason we move on!

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