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FWB sending mixed signals


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So I have always had a thing for this girl's mother that I knew. I have wanted her since I was 16, and she confessed the same to me. She waited until I was 18 and we hooked up, but didn't have sex because she didn't want to move too fast since I was her youngest. We got into a fight when it almost leaked out and stopped talking. We reconnected this year and both admitted we still had a thing for each other, so we made it happen.

The sex was amazing. She texted me that night telling me how much she enjoyed it and was so happy we did it. She said we have great chemistry, and I am very intimate and affectionate with her. We texted everyday, until she said she thought this over again and said she didn't want to be a hookup. She said we got it out of our systems and it's done.

 

 

We kept in touch, and towards the end of April, had me go to her job for dinner. We joked about me staying over, but I could tell she wanted it. she texted me once she was out of work and told me to come over, so I did, and we had sex. The next morning we did it again. When I left, she texted me telling me how great of a time we had, and she loved my affection, and how I held her all night. Things were going so well that it felt like we were dating. Cooking each other breakfast, texting all day, even bringing me lunches to work. I even hung out at her house when she wasn't home.

Two weeks into it she said we can't continue this sexual relationship if it can't be serious, and she said it can't be because of our age difference, and me knowing her daughter. Yet she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and hangout, so we kept in touch. I went two weeks without texting her, and once I talked to her again she responded immediately, and wanted to go out for dinner. She even told me how we were both at the same beach on the same day and how she didn't see me anywhere and looked for me.

 

 

So I tried taking her out but she keeps saying she's busy. When I tried setting a date, no answer. I finally asked her what's up, and if she actually wants to hang out. She said she thought about it and said it isn't a good idea to hang out because I have too much tension built up. she says the fling lasted too long, although it was for like 2 weeks. Then she said I can't handle flings because I'm not letting this go, and I'm too "fragile" to do one. She says we can be friends but we can't hangout.

 

 

Why is she being like this? I have backed off now because that's the best solution. Any feedback would be great.

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I think she realizes the obvious now: You are too young for her. I'm not certain she is being straightforward about all the reasons but she's decided to back off.

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Maybe it is the age thing, but that didn't stop her before. She even admitted to me once if she could've ****ed me at 16 and 17 and gotten away with it that she would have.

 

 

She also said I am very mature for my age and I am ambitious. She loves that I have my **** together. She says some guys her age don't even have that, and she says I'm so mature that it doesn't feel like I'm 29.

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So After me calling her out on her bull****, we talked yesterday. She was very sweet to me and was even a bit flirtatious. I find this odd.

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Hi,

I think she is very attracted to you and enjoys the sex with you.... for sure !

I think she even likes you.

However, she knows that a relationship with you would be frowned upon by everyone around you guys because she could be your mom. What would her daughter say?

 

Not to mention that in a couple of years you most likely lose interest in her..... wanting to have a family of your own, kids etc. (Just like Ashton Kutcher did with Demi Moore ?)

 

So in one hand she wants you (sexual connection can be so powerful) , on the other hand she knows it is not right, this would end with a heartbreak.

I know this is not easy on neither of you.

These are my assumptions, I do not know you guys :)

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Love you response! So many people say that she likes me and is attracted to me, and this is why we can't let each other go. I've always been attracted to older women, and I don't really want kids, but I understand why she would be worried about herself.

 

I can also understand why she feels the way she does. When we had our fling, it felt more like a relationship. I wouldn't leave her if we had a relationship, but I know she can't trust that. I just wanna do what we were doing a few months ago, and I want to enjoy our company again.

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Hi,

I think she is very attracted to you and enjoys the sex with you.... for sure !

I think she even likes you.

However, she knows that a relationship with you would be frowned upon by everyone around you guys because she could be your mom. What would her daughter say?

 

Not to mention that in a couple of years you most likely lose interest in her..... wanting to have a family of your own, kids etc. (Just like Ashton Kutcher did with Demi Moore ?)

 

So in one hand she wants you (sexual connection can be so powerful) , on the other hand she knows it is not right, this would end with a heartbreak.

I know this is not easy on neither of you.

These are my assumptions, I do not know you guys :)

 

 

 

Love your response! So many people say that she likes me and is attracted to me, and this is why we can't let each other go. I've always been attracted to older women, and I don't really want kids, but I understand why she would be worried about herself.

 

I can also understand why she feels the way she does. When we had our fling, it felt more like a relationship. I wouldn't leave her if we had a relationship, but I know she can't trust that. I just wanna do what we were doing a few months ago, and I want to enjoy our company again.

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So yesterday was my birthday, and she was kind enough to text me and said happy birthday to me. However, I am very confused with this situation, and it's starting to drain me.

 

 

I am just going to back off and not text her for awhile. I think that's the best solution.

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So I have continued to give this more thought, and have decided to not make any contact, unless she texts me. Everyone says she will definitely contact me if I do this. However, I am unsure and confused.

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How old is she exactly? I agree that she likes you very much and loves the sex you provide but knows that a relationship with you may cause her to feel insecure; not to mention the gossip. If you stop contact with her she will think that you got what you wanted and moved on.

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How old is she exactly? I agree that she likes you very much and loves the sex you provide but knows that a relationship with you may cause her to feel insecure; not to mention the gossip. If you stop contact with her she will think that you got what you wanted and moved on.

 

 

 

She just turned 50. I get a vibe that she's insecure and confused, and she always did say she was worried what people would say.

 

 

You really think that's how she will feel if I don't text her? Everyone tells me to not text her because she has her hooks in me, and that this is a game. They said because of this, she will make contact with me.

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I just don't know what to. I don't believe her from that fight when she said no more fling, because she flirts and acts sweet and drops subliminals. Plus, we have done this dance before, hence in my OP.

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I have been in a similar fwb situation 4 times and each time there was an issue with us being together, similar to the stigma issue with you and her. What I found for me was I have two choices and only one seems to work.

 

 

1. You go on her time.

 

 

When she wants to see you she will reach out and make it happen. When she is up for it she will initiate pretty fast but most of the time she will just check in for validation.

 

 

For me this did not work because it would be obvious they would check in and had no intention of meeting up 99% of the time. They would really dangle the carrot and string out the texts until it got to the point of being "too late to come over now".

 

 

2. You take the upper hand.

 

 

When she reaches out you have to basically keep the communication limited to her either ***'ing or getting off the pot. No chit chat, no small talk.

 

 

If she sends a text and asks what's up, you respond "lots of things let's meet up at XXX Wednesday to catch up". If she says yes, great. If she says no, you pretty much need to end the text (or call) and say, "Ok, kind of busy now. We'll talk later".

 

 

Next time she texts hello, you say something like, "Hey, how about I stop by in a little bit" or "Meet me at XXX, I was just thinking about grabbing a couple of quick drinks tonight". If she says no, or I'm not sure...I want to...I don't know if we should...just drop it and say ok, you're heading out now so she can hit you up another day. Not mean or rude or butt hurt, but make it clear you are not interested in investing time in only validating her.

 

 

It sounds bad but you'll train her pretty quickly that if she reaches out to you, it is to hook up. She will start only reaching out to after she has decided she wants to hook up (or meet up in person where you know where it will lead). She will know you are not going to waste time on idle chat or be there for validation only.

 

 

#2 does work. I found in 2 and 1/2 of the cases doing this stopped the, "Hey I thought of you" going nowhere conversations and I would get a text after weeks and in one case months that said, "You free tonight?". The .5 was one that worked twice initially and then reverted to short validation texts.

 

 

At least that is what I have found.

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I have been in a similar fwb situation 4 times and each time there was an issue with us being together, similar to the stigma issue with you and her. What I found for me was I have two choices and only one seems to work.

 

 

1. You go on her time.

 

 

When she wants to see you she will reach out and make it happen. When she is up for it she will initiate pretty fast but most of the time she will just check in for validation.

 

 

For me this did not work because it would be obvious they would check in and had no intention of meeting up 99% of the time. They would really dangle the carrot and string out the texts until it got to the point of being "too late to come over now".

 

 

2. You take the upper hand.

 

 

When she reaches out you have to basically keep the communication limited to her either ***'ing or getting off the pot. No chit chat, no small talk.

 

 

If she sends a text and asks what's up, you respond "lots of things let's meet up at XXX Wednesday to catch up". If she says yes, great. If she says no, you pretty much need to end the text (or call) and say, "Ok, kind of busy now. We'll talk later".

 

 

Next time she texts hello, you say something like, "Hey, how about I stop by in a little bit" or "Meet me at XXX, I was just thinking about grabbing a couple of quick drinks tonight". If she says no, or I'm not sure...I want to...I don't know if we should...just drop it and say ok, you're heading out now so she can hit you up another day. Not mean or rude or butt hurt, but make it clear you are not interested in investing time in only validating her.

 

 

It sounds bad but you'll train her pretty quickly that if she reaches out to you, it is to hook up. She will start only reaching out to after she has decided she wants to hook up (or meet up in person where you know where it will lead). She will know you are not going to waste time on idle chat or be there for validation only.

 

 

#2 does work. I found in 2 and 1/2 of the cases doing this stopped the, "Hey I thought of you" going nowhere conversations and I would get a text after weeks and in one case months that said, "You free tonight?". The .5 was one that worked twice initially and then reverted to short validation texts.

 

 

At least that is what I have found.

 

 

Thank you, I will try that! Well, stupid me texted her saying hi today. She replied back literally within a minute. My response to it was only two words to keep it short and simple. She has yet to respond to it.

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Thank you, I will try that! Well, stupid me texted her saying hi today. She replied back literally within a minute. My response to it was only two words to keep it short and simple. She has yet to respond to it.

 

It's ok if you do that or text or talk to her like that and you can be friendly, I just found that the more you engage in friend chat the more it ended up with the woman in every case saying stuff like, "I really want to see you right now"..."I think I really need fun right now"...etc, and then I would say ok, come over or I'll meet you and they would say things like, "But I just put spaghetti on the stove" or "I was planning on going to the store early tomorrow so I should go to bed"...just stupid delay type things. Then at some point they go back and forth with "I want to...I can't...or maybe I can..." until it's like 2am and then they would say, "If only it was 1 am I would come over".

 

 

For me fwb means if I want to get some I would ask, hopefully more often than not she would be up for it. When she wants some she would ask. It seemed they would devolve into nothing more than a sex chat friend unless I basically showed with my actions that if one of us reaches out it would be for one thing or else we wouldn't waste time reaching out. The contact frequency dies down, but so does the frustration. It's a happy day to get a "what's up" text because the answer is I know I am getting laid!

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It's ok if you do that or text or talk to her like that and you can be friendly, I just found that the more you engage in friend chat the more it ended up with the woman in every case saying stuff like, "I really want to see you right now"..."I think I really need fun right now"...etc, and then I would say ok, come over or I'll meet you and they would say things like, "But I just put spaghetti on the stove" or "I was planning on going to the store early tomorrow so I should go to bed"...just stupid delay type things. Then at some point they go back and forth with "I want to...I can't...or maybe I can..." until it's like 2am and then they would say, "If only it was 1 am I would come over".

 

 

For me fwb means if I want to get some I would ask, hopefully more often than not she would be up for it. When she wants some she would ask. It seemed they would devolve into nothing more than a sex chat friend unless I basically showed with my actions that if one of us reaches out it would be for one thing or else we wouldn't waste time reaching out. The contact frequency dies down, but so does the frustration. It's a happy day to get a "what's up" text because the answer is I know I am getting laid!

 

 

 

Ok, so what do I do now? The convo is left on her turn to respond. Should I ignore her for a bit now? I'm so confused.

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Ok, so what do I do now? The convo is left on her turn to respond. Should I ignore her for a bit now? I'm so confused.

 

 

You can contact her, just ask her right away if she wants to meet somewhere. If she hesitates or says no, don't be short or come across as butt hurt, just tell her ok, you are heading out and you hope she has a great night.

 

 

Don't talk about calling or texting her later or the next day etc. Then the next time you contact her if she says no to meeting up or hesitates, say ok, just going into the store...or heading to the bar... you'll catch her later.

 

 

Reach out whenever you want but since meeting mostly, if not always, will be on her terms when she decides she is in the mood to go through with it, you are better off eventually waiting for her to initiate. You just keep enough contact to keep her around and she will know when she reaches out it is for sex and not a debate.

 

 

If she texts you at 9 am when you are at work, ask her if you can text her after work. Then at 6pm or whatever text her back and say you are going to get something to eat and ask if she wants to meet up. If she says no, say ok, we'll catch up later in the week.

 

 

You still have to be a friend but not a sexless pen pal. It is tough because if you are too short with her she will feel used. You be cool with her but you are being subtly direct. You are telling her you are not wasting time validating her without actually saying the words.

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You can contact her, just ask her right away if she wants to meet somewhere. If she hesitates or says no, don't be short or come across as butt hurt, just tell her ok, you are heading out and you hope she has a great night.

 

 

Don't talk about calling or texting her later or the next day etc. Then the next time you contact her if she says no to meeting up or hesitates, say ok, just going into the store...or heading to the bar... you'll catch her later.

 

 

Reach out whenever you want but since meeting mostly, if not always, will be on her terms when she decides she is in the mood to go through with it, you are better off eventually waiting for her to initiate. You just keep enough contact to keep her around and she will know when she reaches out it is for sex and not a debate.

 

 

If she texts you at 9 am when you are at work, ask her if you can text her after work. Then at 6pm or whatever text her back and say you are going to get something to eat and ask if she wants to meet up. If she says no, say ok, we'll catch up later in the week.

 

 

You still have to be a friend but not a sexless pen pal. It is tough because if you are too short with her she will feel used. You be cool with her but you are being subtly direct. You are telling her you are not wasting time validating her without actually saying the words.

 

 

Thank you for all of your advice. She responded to me today and we talked for 5 minutes. I also made her laugh which was nice. But once again, its her turn to reply.

 

Maybe the fling is really over and she is just playing games and stringing me along. I don't know....

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So I have always had a thing for this girl's mother that I knew. I have wanted her since I was 16, and she confessed the same to me. She waited until I was 18 and we hooked up, but didn't have sex because she didn't want to move too fast since I was her youngest. We got into a fight when it almost leaked out and stopped talking. We reconnected this year and both admitted we still had a thing for each other, so we made it happen.

The sex was amazing. She texted me that night telling me how much she enjoyed it and was so happy we did it. She said we have great chemistry, and I am very intimate and affectionate with her. We texted everyday, until she said she thought this over again and said she didn't want to be a hookup. She said we got it out of our systems and it's done.

 

 

We kept in touch, and towards the end of April, had me go to her job for dinner. We joked about me staying over, but I could tell she wanted it. she texted me once she was out of work and told me to come over, so I did, and we had sex. The next morning we did it again. When I left, she texted me telling me how great of a time we had, and she loved my affection, and how I held her all night. Things were going so well that it felt like we were dating. Cooking each other breakfast, texting all day, even bringing me lunches to work. I even hung out at her house when she wasn't home.

Two weeks into it she said we can't continue this sexual relationship if it can't be serious, and she said it can't be because of our age difference, and me knowing her daughter. Yet she wanted to keep in touch and be friends and hangout, so we kept in touch. I went two weeks without texting her, and once I talked to her again she responded immediately, and wanted to go out for dinner. She even told me how we were both at the same beach on the same day and how she didn't see me anywhere and looked for me.

 

 

So I tried taking her out but she keeps saying she's busy. When I tried setting a date, no answer. I finally asked her what's up, and if she actually wants to hang out. She said she thought about it and said it isn't a good idea to hang out because I have too much tension built up. she says the fling lasted too long, although it was for like 2 weeks. Then she said I can't handle flings because I'm not letting this go, and I'm too "fragile" to do one. She says we can be friends but we can't hangout.

 

 

Why is she being like this? I have backed off now because that's the best solution. Any feedback would be great.

 

 

Listen you were told why and you refuse to listen to her. It's not up to you it's up to her. She told you why and she told what you could have with her just friend that can't hangout anymore. Age will that's her thing and it seems not you. In a way the fling lasted too long she said. That's right you had a fling and nothing more. Don't loose sleep over this one she's not worth your time in this matter. If you push this some more you'll make her call the pokey on you. Just drop this and move on and forget the fling ever lasted this long.

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Listen you were told why and you refuse to listen to her. It's not up to you it's up to her. She told you why and she told what you could have with her just friend that can't hangout anymore. Age will that's her thing and it seems not you. In a way the fling lasted too long she said. That's right you had a fling and nothing more. Don't loose sleep over this one she's not worth your time in this matter. If you push this some more you'll make her call the pokey on you. Just drop this and move on and forget the fling ever lasted this long.

 

 

 

It was once in March, and then for another two weeks at best in May. Don't see how that's long lol. And it's evident she's keeping me around when it's convenient for her because we still talk. She kept photos and videos I made for her. She says stuff that makes it obvious she can't let it go.

 

 

I am just going to back off and do me. I have a feeling she will contact me once she wants it again.

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She wants you but is just embarrassed by the age difference. She knows she will end up feeling insecure. I know plenty of women her age who are hot for younger men but are afraid of the inevitable.

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It was once in March, and then for another two weeks at best in May. Don't see how that's long lol. And it's evident she's keeping me around when it's convenient for her because we still talk. She kept photos and videos I made for her. She says stuff that makes it obvious she can't let it go.

 

 

I am just going to back off and do me. I have a feeling she will contact me once she wants it again.

 

Like I said you do what you want, if that make you happy to wait for her wants and needs then you be there for it.. Women are hard to please yet they need the man and in this case it's you. Enjoy your time with her, but soon you're going to want more than just the sex with her you know..

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She wants you but is just embarrassed by the age difference. She knows she will end up feeling insecure. I know plenty of women her age who are hot for younger men but are afraid of the inevitable.

 

 

 

Yeah, the age difference is what's bugging her. Like I said, I am backing off for now. I seriously think once things cool off and she's lonely, she will call me.

 

 

It's probably why went back on in May after her saying in April she didn't want it anymore.

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So something interesting happened today. I have not made contact in a week. Now, I've been on a weight loss journey since 2014, and have lost over 100 lbs so far. Lately women who never gave me chance suddenly find me attractive.

 

I made a status on Facebook about how messed up society is, and she was the first person to comment! She said I was being harsh about my status, but understood where I was coming from. However, she kept engaging and it made my post go viral. She kept commenting even after I stopped.

 

So she's definitely FB creeping, butni feel like there's a reason as to why she did this.

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