Friendzoned or not?

[Casey1990]

Hi,

 

New member here so I'm a bit apprehensive about asking people for advice online but I feel I've run out of options so here goes

 

In recent months I've found myself becoming good friends with a girl in my class in college (we ended up in the same group for a project this semester). Overall I've only known her for about 6 or 7 months but have become close in the last 2

 

She's very open and casual when it comes to sex and has told me about her first time, her favorite positions and how she likes a guy to go down on her and most importantly I think, how her relationship w/ her bf was going downhill

 

A month ago she dumped said bf and like a good friend I was there, shoulder to cry on blah blah blah. But the thing is I wasn't interested at the time. Just didn't see her that way. Until 2 weeks ago

 

Our class went out for a pre-easter break party. She got fairly drunk and her being her she gets really horny when she's drunk. So she starts flirting w/ a guy in the class. This guy gets around and is a bit of a misogynist. He'd just broken up w/ a girl that night by texting her that he's out of her league. Pig I know

 

Anyway we're enjoying the night when I do something that I realize now might have set things off. I point out that she has an eyelash on her cheek, and when she fails to get it herself, I cup the side of her face and rub it off gently w/ my thumb.

 

Straight away I notice a change. She's staring at me intently and takes a deep breath. But I continue the convo like normal. An hour or 2 into the night she comes into the kitchen and calls me out to talk asking me if her and this classmate I mentioned should go all the way. Obviously I said it was a bad idea thinking to myself classmates should be off-limits and she'd regret it, but it was around then I realized that the real reason was because I cared about her and wanted her to myself. I know, I'm a hypocrite. She doesn't see what would be wrong and is asking me if casual sex w/ a classmate would be so bad. Then she asks me if it would be weird if we hooked up

 

To this day I don't know was she coming on to me or being hypothetical but like an idiot I panicked and said it would probably be a bad idea. She starts going on about how she hasn't had sex since her breakup and is masturbating everyday. At that point we were interrupted as it was time to go to the bar so nothing more was said, although she didn't waste time in asking me which color condom she should use tonight. Jesus!

 

We head to the bar and she seems to have come to her senses and is backing down on the classmate who is turning into a right jerk at this point and upsetting her. So she comes to me and stays beside me for the next 2 hours in each others arms. And shes doing this weird thing where shes grabbing my side and squeezing hard every few seconds. When she talks to me she leans in close and presses her breasts against me Needless to say I badly want to be with her. But I don't drink you see so I'm trying to keep my wits about me thinking shes in your class and you'll have to deal w/ her for another 3 years. So I do nothing She eventually hooks up w/ a guy she called who meets her outside and they leave. I go soon after. I also get a text later on once home asking if I was still there but I tell her I've gone home and she says she's gonna do the same

 

Next morning I get a text saying she won't be in for class cause she's dying sick. Eventually I learn through talking w/ her that she never went home. She ended up at the classmates and had sex w/ him. At this point I'm seeing red. I tell her that I don't trust this guy and that she should get out of there so she gets a lift from one of her friends. She texts me later then saying how grateful she is to have me looking out for her and loves that I worry about her. ton of xs heart and kiss face emoticons. At this point I 'm in fear of the friendzone so I figure eff it, I'm going for it.

 

So over the next week I decide to start flirting w/ and teasing her. I text her once on Sunday and once on Wednesday trying not to over do it. On the Wednesday I ask if she wants to hang out. "Yes please" she says bunch of xs. "Looking forward to it" I say "Me too" she says more xs.

 

Now she starts snapchatting me w/ pics of her everyday. Obviously I say she looks sexy in the pics. She finds it funny. But one night I ask how her Easter break was going what has she been doing and one of the things she mentions is a guy she met at the start of the week and how she spent the week w/ him. I'm wondering is she trying to make me jealous so I say exactly that. "John Smith are you jealous" she says (obviously not using my real name). So I casually say no, it's not like I'm into you

 

This is where it goes downhill. She starts asking how long I've been into her. So I tell her the truth. That I hated seeing her upset after her break-up and thought that the last night she wanted to fool around. And then I get the friendzone speech. I end the convo there and say it's fine goodnight blah blah but she agrees to still hang out as planned.

 

Hear nothing from her until the day we're supposed to hang out. But then the morning of the "date" she texts saying that instead of going out lets just hang at hers. "I thought it'd be a good idea". heck yeah I'm thinking but I withhold the enthusiasm and just say k.

 

But clearly I was wrong. She's not alone her 2 roommates (1 girl 1 guy) and the girl roommates boyfriend are there too. Ok I can still swing this. Chat for a good bit w/ her friends building up a good rapport w/ them but still tease her from time to time. I notice out of the corner of my eye throughout the night that she's glancing my direction every now and again. And when we talk we maintain eye contact for minutes on end.

 

So I stay for 4 hours hoping that something will happen. But eventually she's falling asleep at the table. So I leave thinking that she'll ask me to stay. Nope. Not even a hug goodbye. And she didn't even drink the wine I brought.

 

So here I am wondering what I'm to do. At first I thought she was sending me mixed messages, but now I realize that the first time she was just drunk and horny and the 2nd time she was just trying to mend bridges as a friend. She probably didn't want to be alone w/ me in case I tried something.

 

So I'm asking you all what the hell my next move is knowing that:

-Once this week is over I'll be back in class w/ her like normal

-There's 2 weeks left in the semester and 1 week for exams. Then it'll be 3 months of summer where I don't HAVE to see her but I don't want to cut all contact either

-And finally in the last week the class will be going out again. And I have to try something.

 

What bugs me the most is that I'm certain that for a brief window on that night out I stood a chance, which makes me wonder, is she into me and just afraid to commit? Which is why, even though I'd love to go out w/ her proper, I feel my only option is to try something at her level by starting w/ just sex. The question is how?

 

Thanks

Edited April 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Knix]

.... could you sum it up a bit more for me? I'm sorry but it's a LOT of writing and I'm sure you're trying to vent but if you could sum up the main points I could give you a good answer. (Usually why people don't respond to these posts is because they're too long to read)

[Casey1990]

I understand what you mean. Not trying to vent per se just trying to give as much information of past events as I can so I can get the best answer. But I'll try to summarise where possible.

 

Simply put, I've become good friends in the last 2 months with a girl I've met recently in my college class. She's very casual about sex and talks openly about her sexual experiences w/ me and I was there when she broke up w/ her boyfriend about a month ago now, even though I wasn't interested at the time.

 

The class went out for a house party followed by a night on the town. At the house party being slightly drunk she was getting a bit flirty and at a point she asked me if it would be weird if we started having casual sex. I said it probably would be but I was interested by now. We went to a club spent the entire time there w/ each other but I was hesitant to hook up w/ someone in my class so resisted. She hooked up w/ someone else in the end.

 

But now I regret it. Over the following week I flirted w/ her by phone as we couldn't meet up and eventually asked her out but even though she said yes, she must have thought it was just as friends because she later told me about a guy she met during the week. I made it clear I was into her and she gave me the friendzone speech

 

I'm just wondering if she was genuinely into me and just got cold feet or was she just drunk. I've summarised as best I can but the devil is in the details. Before you give any advice please try and skim the original post at least as I think it paints a clearer picture and I think things are a bit more complex

[SmartDude]

Hi,

 

New member here so I'm a bit apprehensive about asking people for advice online but I feel I've run out of options so here goes

 

In recent months I've found myself becoming good friends with a girl in my class in college (we ended up in the same group for a project this semester). Overall I've only known her for about 6 or 7 months but have become close in the last 2

 

She's very open and casual when it comes to sex and has told me about her first time, her favorite positions and how she likes a guy to go down on her and most importantly I think, how her relationship w/ her bf was going downhill

 

A month ago she dumped said bf and like a good friend I was there, shoulder to cry on blah blah blah. But the thing is I wasn't interested at the time. Just didn't see her that way. Until 2 weeks ago

 

Our class went out for a pre-easter break party. She got fairly drunk and her being her she gets really horny when she's drunk. So she starts flirting w/ a guy in the class. This guy gets around and is a bit of a misogynist. He'd just broken up w/ a girl that night by texting her that he's out of her league. Pig I know

 

Anyway we're enjoying the night when I do something that I realize now might have set things off. I point out that she has an eyelash on her cheek, and when she fails to get it herself, I cup the side of her face and rub it off gently w/ my thumb.

 

Straight away I notice a change. She's staring at me intently and takes a deep breath. But I continue the convo like normal. An hour or 2 into the night she comes into the kitchen and calls me out to talk asking me if her and this classmate I mentioned should go all the way. Obviously I said it was a bad idea thinking to myself classmates should be off-limits and she'd regret it, but it was around then I realized that the real reason was because I cared about her and wanted her to myself. I know, I'm a hypocrite. She doesn't see what would be wrong and is asking me if casual sex w/ a classmate would be so bad. Then she asks me if it would be weird if we hooked up

 

To this day I don't know was she coming on to me or being hypothetical but like an idiot I panicked and said it would probably be a bad idea. She starts going on about how she hasn't had sex since her breakup and is masturbating everyday. At that point we were interrupted as it was time to go to the bar so nothing more was said, although she didn't waste time in asking me which color condom she should use tonight. Jesus!

 

We head to the bar and she seems to have come to her senses and is backing down on the classmate who is turning into a right jerk at this point and upsetting her. So she comes to me and stays beside me for the next 2 hours in each others arms. And shes doing this weird thing where shes grabbing my side and squeezing hard every few seconds. When she talks to me she leans in close and presses her breasts against me Needless to say I badly want to be with her. But I don't drink you see so I'm trying to keep my wits about me thinking shes in your class and you'll have to deal w/ her for another 3 years. So I do nothing She eventually hooks up w/ a guy she called who meets her outside and they leave. I go soon after. I also get a text later on once home asking if I was still there but I tell her I've gone home and she says she's gonna do the same

 

Next morning I get a text saying she won't be in for class cause she's dying sick. Eventually I learn through talking w/ her that she never went home. She ended up at the classmates and had sex w/ him. At this point I'm seeing red. I tell her that I don't trust this guy and that she should get out of there so she gets a lift from one of her friends. She texts me later then saying how grateful she is to have me looking out for her and loves that I worry about her. ton of xs heart and kiss face emoticons. At this point I 'm in fear of the friendzone so I figure eff it, I'm going for it.

 

So over the next week I decide to start flirting w/ and teasing her. I text her once on Sunday and once on Wednesday trying not to over do it. On the Wednesday I ask if she wants to hang out. "Yes please" she says bunch of xs. "Looking forward to it" I say "Me too" she says more xs.

 

Now she starts snapchatting me w/ pics of her everyday. Obviously I say she looks sexy in the pics. She finds it funny. But one night I ask how her Easter break was going what has she been doing and one of the things she mentions is a guy she met at the start of the week and how she spent the week w/ him. I'm wondering is she trying to make me jealous so I say exactly that. "John Smith are you jealous" she says (obviously not using my real name). So I casually say no, it's not like I'm into you

 

This is where it goes downhill. She starts asking how long I've been into her. So I tell her the truth. That I hated seeing her upset after her break-up and thought that the last night she wanted to fool around. And then I get the friendzone speech. I end the convo there and say it's fine goodnight blah blah but she agrees to still hang out as planned.

 

Hear nothing from her until the day we're supposed to hang out. But then the morning of the "date" she texts saying that instead of going out lets just hang at hers. "I thought it'd be a good idea". heck yeah I'm thinking but I withhold the enthusiasm and just say k.

 

But clearly I was wrong. She's not alone her 2 roommates (1 girl 1 guy) and the girl roommates boyfriend are there too. Ok I can still swing this. Chat for a good bit w/ her friends building up a good rapport w/ them but still tease her from time to time. I notice out of the corner of my eye throughout the night that she's glancing my direction every now and again. And when we talk we maintain eye contact for minutes on end.

 

So I stay for 4 hours hoping that something will happen. But eventually she's falling asleep at the table. So I leave thinking that she'll ask me to stay. Nope. Not even a hug goodbye. And she didn't even drink the wine I brought.

 

So here I am wondering what I'm to do. At first I thought she was sending me mixed messages, but now I realize that the first time she was just drunk and horny and the 2nd time she was just trying to mend bridges as a friend. She probably didn't want to be alone w/ me in case I tried something.

 

So I'm asking you all what the hell my next move is knowing that:

-Once this week is over I'll be back in class w/ her like normal

-There's 2 weeks left in the semester and 1 week for exams. Then it'll be 3 months of summer where I don't HAVE to see her but I don't want to cut all contact either

-And finally in the last week the class will be going out again. And I have to try something.

 

What bugs me the most is that I'm certain that for a brief window on that night out I stood a chance, which makes me wonder, is she into me and just afraid to commit? Which is why, even though I'd love to go out w/ her proper, I feel my only option is to try something at her level by starting w/ just sex. The question is how?

 

Thanks

 

In my experience, women don't sit well with being sexually rejected. That is what she perceives, even if it is not logical- that you rejected her. You pretty much had to not deny her sex and be with her when she was hot for you. Now it can be difficult or impossible. You are emotionaly and mentally investing more in her as your window of opportunity fades or has gone completley. Its not a good situation.

 

You have to get her feeling romantic/hot again some how? And then if you get a window of opportunity AGAIN, you have to not choke and go for something physical. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T TRY TO TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION ANY MORE WITH HER.

You have to face your fears and feel the sexual enenergy and emotions and flow with it. That is what girls understand, its their language.

 

I just went through a scenario similar to this. Had some one who was being obvious as day that she wanted to start something with me and that it was gona start with sex (or end there lol). I thought that since she was hot for me that I had time to think about the situation and then come back later.

[Casey1990]

You have to get her feeling romantic/hot again some how?

 

Yeah but how? It'd be easier if it was the case that I'd just met her but now she knows what I want and has her guard up. Friends have said to flirt w/ her on a sexual level but I fear that will freak her out

 

WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T TRY TO TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION ANY MORE WITH HER.

 

I don't plan to. Don't want her knowing it's bothering me because I know that wouldn't help my situation. But what if she brings it up? I've a feeling she will on that next night out

 

I just went through a scenario similar to this. Had some one who was being obvious as day that she wanted to start something with me and that it was gona start with sex (or end there lol). I thought that since she was hot for me that I had time to think about the situation and then come back later.

 

Don't keep me in suspense. What happened?

[SmartDude]

Don't keep me in suspense. What happened?

 

Part of it is posted here on this forum. Im still kind of hanging my head in shame, but I learned a lesson. I remembered that you have to go with the moment and not think about the future..Because you can't predict it.

 

I had a beautiful 20 year old woman who I had a sexual relationship previously, move into my house(im ancient at 43). She needed a place to stay for awhile. This woman threw her self on me and I gave her a talk on how I didn't want to take advantage of her because she is young:o. Also in the back of my mind I had another woman who seemed to be signaling me, that I very much wanted to go out with. So my heart was going in different directions.

 

Then as it turns out the younger woman who I have history with, starts to grow on me. I experience aspects of her personality that would make it worth being in a relationship of some type with her. Its too bad that I told her she could see other guys while she was staying at my place and that I wouldn't mess with her freedom.

 

I didn't see it but that really sucked for her. when I told her she could see other guys. I remember the look of confusion and disappointment on her face. But it did not take her long to find some one to spend time with!

 

The girl that I wanted to date now is still there, she works at a store I visit, and Im going to ask her out. But then a thought came to mind: what if my window of opportunity has passed, and her life has changed since then? Its my fault because I was guilty of future thinking. Trying to see were a situation would go, predict its longer term outcome, Instead of just thinking of were I was at in the moment.

 

So now its likely that I will get nothing but a harsh lesson on life.

 

The younger woman is still living at my place and has mentioned she might be going soon. Yet she was about to go and I could tell she was emotionally distraught and didn't want to leave. She was a brick wall but was finally showing some feelings. I acknowledged her and at least her stuff is still here. So it seems she can't quite go yet.. But that can all change in an instant. I had my chance.

 

Now if I want her to stay, It is going to be an uphill battle or impossible.

 

What I needed to do was to ask the girl out who was signaling me despite the situation I was in. That would be the only way to asses my time with both women really, to make an informed decision.

[NTV]

Dude come on. This chick isn't the type you get in a relationship with. This is party fun chick and you're trying to apply the wrong set of rules. The serious dating rules don't apply to her because she doesn't think enough of herself to apply them.

 

If you want to tag her for a booty call every now and again then do it but realize there's several other dudes doing the same thing. No matter what she says--You just aren't special to her. Nobody is. Although she could be fun as long as you play her game or you play a game she likes.

 

But only do it until you find a good chick worth being serious for. No emotional attachment.... which doesn't sound like the type of thing you're capable of. And if you can't keep your heart out of this one then don't leave yourself open to seeing her.

 

Capiche?

[preraph]

Honestly, this girl has zero boundaries. She's talking to casual male friends about very intimate sex details and of course with that going on you're going to be forced to think of her sexually. And then she's doing all this crying on your shoulder about how she has to masturbate every day.

 

Well, here's reality. A lot of people masturbate every day. It's not a tragedy or anything to be sympathetic about. It's not anything she needs help fixing.

 

The problem here is this girl is messed up. Probably someone in her family had no boundaries or there was molestation along the line or just had some dad or brother or something who inappropriately spewed about sex all the time. Because she's doing that with everyone and seems to be oblivious how inappropriate it is and how embarrassed she should be.

 

She's doing this while she's supposedly got a boyfriend she's supposed to be faithful to.

 

If you got involved with her, she'd be talking like this to other guys all the time just like she already is and trying to have sex with them too. She is so far from being a real girlfriend that anyone should be able to see it. Casual sex? I hardly see how you can avoid it unless you just have some boundaries yourself and acknowledge how much trouble she is going to be. Sex with her is not worth it. She will have sex with just about anyone, it sounds like, and that includes you. It's just a matter of timing. But you should have better sense than to get mixed up with her. I mean, how can you possibly envision any good coming of it?

 

She's pure chaos. She's messed up. You need to have some boundaries and try to distance yourself from her. What would you do if she got pregnant? Accidents happen all the time. And then you'd be stuck with this mess for LIFE and she'd be a terrible mother.