Stilnaught Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Hi all, i've met an awesome girl 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, she's occupied. Our friend groups kind of merged by accident because one of my friends started dating one of hers. Thus, we started hanging out together with a bunch of friends. I immediately got sucked into her, and it seems to have been mutual. It slowly evolved from banter to playfights to hanging out together. In the end, it escalated to stealing my sweater when she was cold, letting me come over at her place to reclaim it (and being stuck there talking, talking, talking) and texting all night long afterwards. Her boyfriend was never around. She only referred to him once, and my friend (the one who's dating her friend) told me he seems checked out of the relationship. Her friends also seem to allow and even encourage our increasingly close bond. One night, she fell asleep in my bed, with her head on top of me, while talking. I resisted every urge to kiss her, and managed to get her out in the end (she kept lingering in the hallway for 20 minutes, obviously waiting for the hugg or kiss). Fortunately, i was able to restrain myself. She hasn't stopped texting since, always initiating convo and making puns. How do i proceed from this? The girl is a true gem, but i don't want to start anything before she gets rid of him, which makes it quite likely that she'll lose interest before she gets there. I also understand that, as i don't want to get involved in breaking them up, i'm at the passive end of this game. It's all about maximizing my odds i guess ... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Keep her out of your bed. You already know you need to stay away from her because she has a BF. Listen to your head not your heart or other parts. For now look at what her actions say about her character. You claim she's a "gem". Would a gem really end up in another guy's bed while she has a BF. Fast forward -- you're the BF. How are you going to feel if she sleeps in another guy's bed with her had on him, waiting for a kiss or hug, while she's your GF? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Cheaters always say their relationship is dead or dying, male or female. She may be one of those who leapfrogs and gets a new relationship before leaving the other -- or not. She may just like having a man and then having the excitement on the side of cheating, which is more often the case. Don't allow yourself to get involved with her while she's got a man. Tell her you won't. Tell her if she ever leaves him and divorces (if she's married), then you might be interested. But remember if she'll sneak around on him, she will sneak around on you, so you would NEVER be able to trust her when she wasn't with you. So she's not a gem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 See this post. Same problem, reversed genders. Same solution. What to do?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stilnaught Posted March 3, 2017 Author Share Posted March 3, 2017 And then it happened ... Last 2 weeks she kept her distance as far as relationship issues concerned. However, she kept talking to me about other issues in her life, and a lot of general chatter. I gave her honest replies, did remain polite though. Suddenly she goes quiet for 2-3 days. Turns out they decided to split overnight. Now i'm in a different game of chess: she has made up her mind "to be single and independent for a few months", and i feel she's doing her utter best to keep some distance between us. What to do, what to do ... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Yup. I know that's the case with most separated men and I've dated a couple of them, both people I knew before. They want someone to go through that rough time with them (to sleep with and distract them) and then once it's done, they have no conscience about multidating and just leaving you open mouthed. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Make your move and take your chances like you would with any other chick. She'll either take you up on it or she won't, just like any other chick. Here's a bit of important wisdom for you - desirable chicks are never completely free and clear. They are always seeing someone to one degree or another. If you sit and wait for them to be completely single and unencumbered, you are going to spend your life sitting on the bleachers watching others play the game. If you want a hot chick that catches your eye and makes your heart pound, you are going to have to nut-up and accept a degree of complication and drama. Guys that aren't afraid of a little competition, complication and potential conflict are rarely without a woman or two or three. The guys that are afraid to make any waves and have no stomach for any complication or conflict play video games with their womanless buddies in their mom's basement. If you like this chick, make your move and make your offer. She'll take it or she won't. Just like any other chick. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Date her! Date other girls! Remain interested, but not too easy to catch. Try to present yourself as someone worthy of dating. Why worry about her interest? Simply express yours. She'll either respond, or she won't. That's the quickest way to get an answer. Don't be offended if she says no. What she says today will not dictate what she says later. Why is this thing, that is really very easy, always made out to be something difficult? Count the hairs on your doodads, my friend. If you can count more than one, you're ready. Be a man. Go for what you want, but do it smart. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 If it's over with them, then I would still leave it alone. You start dating before she's completely over him and he's going to be the third wheel in the relationship. If she has an interest in you then it will happen but getting out of one relationship and into another always has it's hassles and mot of the time your the one that gets hurt. Wait it out. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Yeah, you probably better wait it out and play GTA with your nerd buddies who can't get girlfriends and let the guys with actual kahoonas get with the girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Sounds like you're both in college. Make your move! Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 I guess you can go out with her, but just don't put your heart into it as much. No major moves of declaration of love. Also. Make sure your busy with other projects as well. Don't be at her beck and call. Link to post Share on other sites
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