Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Dear all, would appreciate quick advice if anybody can offer anything? Sounds trivial but a man I like with whom I had some spark in my last job ( I then left ) has invited me, after I emailed him telling him about my new job, to " drop by if I'm in the area " to his office - I emailed back saying I would in a few weeks when I had some days off work, now the time is approaching and nervous, I can be avoidant and a scaredy cat when it comes to calling and approaching men I can't just literally drop by his office, for one thing there is sometimes a secretary there or he is out in meetings etc but sometimes he is alone in the office I'm thinking of emailing again a few days before?? Phoning would be out of the question, I don't know him that well but we really connected when I saw him previously about problems at work, we had lots in common and he would walk past my desk and wave and stuff and we would try and " bump into " each other and there would be prolonged eye contact etc, nothing could happen though as we were work colleagues previously I was pleased he invited me but now thinking what now? Apologies if this seems stupidly trivial lol! Any kind help and you will make my day! Thanks Xxx Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Email him and ask if he's free to meet for lunch. Ask for a specific day. Keep the tone friendly and casual. You're right––literally dropping in at the office would not be cool. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 Thank you Salparadise, lol no wouldn't be cool especially if his secretary answered the door! I said I would drop by but didn't mean literally, I feel a bit nervous about proposing a lunch as I hope he likes me that way, I think he does possibly and was testing the waters, yes I'll keep the tone light, friendly and casual thank you! I'll probably email a few days in advance, thanks again for your lovely, reassuring response! We were thinking along the same lines :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 Just unsure how to interpret him inviting me to " drop by " I guess, really casual or faux casual lol? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Yeah, I've done that before on someone I had a lifelong crush on who gave me his card and said the same thing, and then when I dropped by, he had clients and was too busy and it was embarrassing. So yes, just one day before, tell him you're in town and ask if there's a good time tomorrow for you to stop by. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 Hey thanks Preraph for your encouragement, that's what I feared, I was going to literally " drop by " at first but then seemed a bad idea! I'm hoping it goes well, fingers crossed, I would like to get to know him better, sorry your experience was embarrassing, hope things could still progress with him as you had a crush and it was hopefully mutual, appreciate your cautionary tale! Xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 And planning to email him not the day before, but day before that in the morning as he gets busy with work emails and I want him to see it, I emailed his work... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Hey thanks Preraph for your encouragement, that's what I feared, I was going to literally " drop by " at first but then seemed a bad idea! I'm hoping it goes well, fingers crossed, I would like to get to know him better, sorry your experience was embarrassing, hope things could still progress with him as you had a crush and it was hopefully mutual, appreciate your cautionary tale! Xxx Well, me and my crush had a series of encounters over a 30-some year span. Not a big romance, but no regrets. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 30 years! Wow Preraph, you must have a lot of experience! I have composed an email to send, wonder if it'd be terribly cheeky to get it vetted here first! These things cause me anxiety.... Hi ****, I'm coming into ****this Thursday and I was seeing if you might be around that day and if you are free anytime? If you are I will drop by! Hope to see you then, DLD Any opinions welcomed, you can be honest! Thank you all, best I think to make it short and sweet... xxx Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 That sounds perfect. Short and to the point and like the exclamation point! Hope he's free! Let us know how it goes. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Thank you Preraph! Now a friend has suggested below, please would you let me know if you think it's better, to me it sounds a bit tired and dry Hi **** I'm going to be in **** on Thursday, will you be around at all? I hope that'd suit you and if it does I'll drop by, hope to see you soon, DLD If anyone can be bothered comparing these compositions would appreciate it, analytical moi?? Thanks Xxx Link to post Share on other sites
coffe Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 (edited) Personally I like the first version better, to me it feels more authentic and with a happier tone. Don't like the "I hope that'd suit you" mostly, I too feel it could sound a bit dry. Both would be perfectly fine though, I think. Let us know how it goes! Good luck Edited August 24, 2016 by coffe 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 First version is better, don't second guess yourself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Thank you so much, I'm going with the first one as that one conveys who I am, I can be sunny and this friend who recommended second one is overly serious, in the second one I think it doesn't even sound like I'm pleased to be seeing him! My friend said it was " ungrammatical ", think was being a bit of a chump! I much prefer the first and will go with it, it sounds more confident too and think he'll be more relaxed about seeing me with the first one, I love this place and thanks for the advice and the confirmation too Xx Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 The first one is simple and doesn't have an air of desperation or fear of failure. Main thing is you don't want to make too much of this. Don't blow it up and get your hopes way up. Just try to be casual about it so you don't scare him with intensity. Keep him talking about himself on fun topics not too deep. Don't know how long you'll stay but don't overstay unless he asks you to. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Hey Preraph, thanks love the advice, yes I don't want to get carried away and get my hopes up, I want it to be light and fun and casual and go without expectations But I think it's safe to say he has a crush I hope, it'd be mutual, because he asked me all about myself, where I studied etc, and one day I was doing my shopping and caught him looking at me through the shop window, it wasn't creepy because it's the kind of thing I might do with a crush too lol But I don't want to look an idiot if he's " just being nice " so will keep it friendly and casual, that's why I much prefer the first message and its a lot more direct X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Well, I sure hope he's not tied up that day and all goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 27, 2016 Author Share Posted August 27, 2016 Thank you Preraph :-) I'm going to come in here and tell you all about it! Watch this space...great chatting with you on here and thanks for your advice X 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 (edited) Update update! Lucky update! Got his out of office auto reply! Date was wrong lol said he was out till Tuesday 26th July :-) he prob meant today, happy about it because it means the next move will need to be ( and hopefully will be ) his! So I will be in less torture about this whole nerve wracking thing, proud I dunnit though as I am extremely avoidant with an extreme fear of rejection! Sent the first message over, no regrets and fingers crossed for good news :-) as I'll feel better about visiting if he now suggests a date and time! X Edited August 30, 2016 by Dear Lady Disdain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Now the wait is on.......hope he answers soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Hi dear people of Loveshack, just curious what you might make of my reply, think I like it, have no expectations anyway, I just like him very much as a person: Hi *** sorry not to have replied last week, it would still be good to catch up with you, with regards *** " ~ think it's good? Response came as soon as he got back from leave I think, won't reply back right away but guess can arrange a meeting.... xxx I think this man may be exceptionally cautious! Edited September 5, 2016 by Dear Lady Disdain Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Honestly, his reply seems kind of blah. He originally asked you to contact him if you were "around" which you did...he was unavailable & yet instead of suggesting a meeting, he's content to wait until you are "around" again? If you're close enough distance-wise, what's keeping him from putting in some kind of effort? In fact, his reply doesn't even suggest that he wants or expects a response. Next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 I would leave it up to him to suggest a time now because he sort of left you hanging. I would write back nothing more than: Yes, let's catch up whenever it's a good time for you. Then leave it to him to either pick it up and make it happen or ignore it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 "Exceptionally cautious"? There's nothing there. In effect all he said was "okay, great, you can hit me up if you're still around". No one who's interested responds this way. I wouldn't bother trying to squeeze blood from this stone. Even if you do catch up with him, it's not likely to lead anywhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dear Lady Disdain Posted September 6, 2016 Author Share Posted September 6, 2016 (edited) Thank you all, hmmm yes I think the reply was wishy washy but there was some honesty in there too and talk of feelings, I liked the way he admitted it'd be good to catch up with me, I don't think he says things he doesn't mean and he's a man of few words naturally, to clarify as well, he said sorry he couldn't reply not because he ignored me but was off that week out of office As for being wishy washy I think I too was a possible culprit as after he originally invited me, I wrote back and said I'd drop by in a few weeks without giving a date, so when the time came he was off! It's a tricky situation, I think we are both cautious and avoidant, I understand why he acts how he does because I act the same Some of his reticence is perhaps due to the fact he is in a very senior level position, I saw him for advice and we don't want this to look like him taking advantage on his part, he is also MUCH older than me, maybe by twenty years though I am forty plus, no spring chicken! We are about evens I guess, he formed the first connection, I said I'd like to stay in touch, he said please do, four months later I got in touch after leaving for a new job, when I got in touch with an email telling him about my new job, he then invited me to drop by and you've seen the rest! Guess he is just an interesting man to me and there are only a few guys I am attracted to, I dont normally make moves Tricky too because neither of us has broached subject yet of meeting outside of his office, reasons unknown, think both terrified of rejection, pretty sure he is, so we have to meet in working hours while he is at work and I am at work! Still unsure what to do right now, but thinking would like to try and form a friendship and see where it goes, thanks for your opinions, DLD Xxx Edited September 6, 2016 by Dear Lady Disdain Link to post Share on other sites
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