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Yet another direct hit


sleeplessindallas

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sleeplessindallas

This guy at work is driving me nuts.

 

Just when I think things have simmered down and 'it's safe to go back in the water', so to speak, something else happens. Most of the time, I don't worry about this guy at work. Our friendship is solid, and I keep thinking he has given up on the flirting stuff, and I can just go back to being buddies, so I'll hang out with him again. Things can be cool for days on end, and I get comfortable, and then a conversation like the one this afternoon crops up. He was talking about his dogs, and he made the comment that he really likes his dogs because hanging out with them is so much better than hanging out alone. I responded that I am perfectly comfortable alone and with my own company, (which is usually evidenced at work by the fact that I feel no need to hang out and socialize with everyone there.) He looked up from what he was doing and he said, "Oh. So is that why you're always running away from me?" Again, just thrown by the fact that he would even say something like that, he got the standard response, which is, "Hey, don't take it personally. I run away from everbody." I felt like he had just about drawn off and punched me I was so surprised. I just can not figure out what to do with this guy. (Okay, SF, I *do* know....) I kind of just wish it would stop so we could enjoy our friendship again, but of course, this is fun, too. I just wish I were more prepared for it sometimes, but he'll just back right off for days, and then hit me upside the head with something like this that just throws me for a loop. He has no idea, probably, that I'm crushing on him, and as much as I would like for him to know that, I can't figure out how to let him know without it getting messy, and I don't need that right now.

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Good God!

 

Wow.. you're really giving this guy Mixed Messages.

 

Obviously you've given him the idea already that you're crushing on him.. even if you don't think you've made it apparent my guess is you've given him some indication that you like him as possibly more than a friend..

 

So then this guy asks to spend time with you, you agree and then he also feels hit upside the head like you've just beeotch slapped him when you respond in a negative way to his letting you know he would like more with you than just a friendship..

 

IF you really feel a romantic relationship isn't something you want/need/can deal with at this time with this guy (or anyone else for that matter) then seriously check the signs you're giving out and stop.

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sleeplessindallas

I appreciate your comments a lot, Merin, so please recognize I am not arguing with you, but only trying to undertsand.... These were my thoughts as I read your post:

 

Whoa! Where did you get the idea that he asked me to spend some time with him? When he said he liked hanging out with his dogs better than hanging out alone? Am I so stupid that I should have recognized that as an invitation to spend time with him and I didn’t? If that’s the case, I really am dumb. I would expect someone to simply say, “Let’s hang out sometime outside of work,” if that’s what they want, rather than saying something like this. I trust that this guy is a straight enough person that he would just say what he wants instead of beating around the bush this way. But maybe that’s my problem.

 

“So then this guy asks to spend time with you, you agree and then he also feels hit upside the head like you've just beeotch slapped him when you respond in a negative way to his letting you know he would like more with you than just a friendship..”

 

What? What??!!?!? I feel like such an idiot, but I just didn’t read it like this at all! What did I agree to??? When did I do that??? What the hell is going on here??? Please clue me in, Merin, because I swear to God I have no idea what you’re talking about. (I really am this stupid. Yes, people like me do exist and that’s why we come to places like this message board looking for help.)

 

I have absolutely no clue what I've done to lead him to think we are anything other than friends. Seriously. I work with all guys, Merin, and I am so, so careful not to *ever* do or say anything that could even possibly be misconstrued. I've treated him exactly the way I treat everyone else there, and I am sure of that. He's gorgeous, but I haven't walked into work wearing a t-shirt that says that or anything. (I acknowledged his good looks to myself, but only in the sense that I wondered why every young woman that came into our business didn’t notice and flirt with him.) I have never, ever said anything about it to anyone. I don’t ever flirt with anyone, and as far as I know, I am considered just one of the guys. This guy and I just happen to hit it off better than I have with any of the others, but I still make darned sure I don’t spend any more time with him than I do anyone else. This is probably why his comments blow me away so much. Whatever is going on is entirely his construction, not mine. I have never, ever singled him out in any way except that as our friendship developed, I acknowledged that we are very similar people, but that was only as relates to work – we work the same way. We’re dedicated, ethical workers unlike the rest of the people there, and we work incredibly well together as a team, always willing to help each other out, whereas nobody else in the building is willing to lift a finger beyond what their job requires of them. I share very little of my personal life with anyone at work, but what I have shared, I tell everyone – it’s not like I’m going to him for advice or anything. (Momma told me you don’t go to guys with your troubles or they think they have to jump in and do something about it.) Aside from work, no one there really knows anything about me at all other than the usual superficial stuff. I don’t socialize with anyone there - I don’t go drinking with them or even to company functions. I put in an honest day’s work and then I get out of there. So I am at a loss, Merin. And I am very conflicted. I really, really like this guy, and under different circumstances, I would be all over this, but I can’t. No matter how much I might want to, I find that it scares me way too much right now. He is a friend of my son and he is young enough to be my son. That is part of the reason I am having trouble even taking his comments seriously to begin with. He’s not a kid at 30, and obviously, that makes me even less of a kid, and I acknowledge he has every right in the world to be attracted and to follow up on it, but I still find it almost ludicrous and impossible to believe or take seriously. So it may be that something I do is leading him on, but I have no idea what that is. I guess if I really believed he was serious, and I could talk to him about it, we might be able to work something out, but it’s the taking it seriously that I am having a really hard time with. (It’s going to take a baseball bat upside the head for me to really believe he is serious and so far he’s only using a whiffle ball bat. The shock value is there, but it still hasn’t been enough for me to feel comfortable just confronting it and talking it out.) I don’t dare to acknowledge the attraction for fear he is only teasing me as a friend, I guess. There’s the fear of rejection, and the fear of what it would do to my reputation and possibly to my son if I were to get mixed up with this guy. (My son’s father just married a woman young enough to be his daughter who doesn’t even speak English and my son is disgusted by the whole business.)

 

I’m very, very conflicted.

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Okay.

 

Sweet... you're not arguing with me... uh.. yeah.

 

So anyway, good luck with things... guess I completely misunderstood what you're saying.

Hopefully another Shacker can clear things up.

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sleeplessindallas

I came here in the hope of understanding some things and this is the sort of 'advice' I get? No thanks. I really and truly do not understand some things, or how to handle them, I come here for help, and I get blown off like this.

 

It would seem that the only sensible course of action for me is to shut my mouth, stay away from here, stay away from this guy, and just forget about it all. I don't need any of it. Thanks anyway.

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Originally posted by sleeplessindallas

I came here in the hope of understanding some things and this is the sort of 'advice' I get? No thanks. I really and truly do not understand some things, or how to handle them, I come here for help, and I get blown off like this.

 

It would seem that the only sensible course of action for me is to shut my mouth, stay away from here, stay away from this guy, and just forget about it all. I don't need any of it. Thanks anyway.

 

Uh.. I DID give you what my take was.

 

Turned out it wasn't what you wanted to hear or what you were trying to convey... so hey my bad, guess I didn't get what you were saying.

 

BTW this is an open forum... I'm not a therapist or anything... so yeah.

 

Just for the record though.. it isn't really to difficult to understand why this guy may have some less than positive feelings going on... you seem like you have somewhat of a negative outlook on most things and yeah it comes across that way even when you start off your rant with I'm not trying to argue with you BUT...

 

So all I was saying in my second post was obviously you didn't like what I had to say.. you said I was/am all wrong with what my take was/is and thats cool.. so perhaps someone else here will have some useful advice for you that will make you happy.

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hehe - wow woman- chill

 

We are all here to help each other - the best we know how

 

I've been reading most of your posts lately - and if you really like this guy then ask him out - doesn't have to be a date - maybe do lunch at work or grab coffee after work and see how you feel after that.

 

I've dated someone i worked closely with before but he eventually changed jobs before we broke up so i didn't have to deal with that. I have also sorta asked a guy out that i worked closely with and he didn't want to date someone he worked with - yeah it was kinda weird at first but i got over it and we still remained friends even to this day. I've also had some romantic encounters recently with other guys at the same place i work with that didn't work out that well - but i don't see them too much so it's ok. (yeah sounds crazy but i haven't dated everyone i work with - lol - the place just happens to be huge)

 

Not sure if this helps at all but thought i would give it a shot ;)

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